Gods Plan Not Mine

Ok so I've been MIA to say the least.  But the truth is, I just can't seem to use what little free time I have to make myself sit down & write.  So I told myself I'd make sure to update when Wiley turned 6 months & here I am!!  Somehow my little man is 6 months!!  I don't know how or when this happened!!! 

Let's see what can I tell you about Wiley.  He is the happiest easy going little man ever!  We've nicknamed him Squishy & he fits that name to a tee.  He couldn't be any different than his sister either.  They were/are both very happy babies but that's about all they had in common (& I'll take it!).  Addy STTN @ 4wks & never looked back.  Nothing ever interrupted her sleep.  Not learning to roll, crawl, stand, walk...nothing.  However, if the girl ever napped it was a miracle.  Now Wiley on the other hand has yet to STTN!!  Yup, that's right, 6 mo old & still wakes up @ night.  And I do nothing different than I did w/his sister.  But if you let him (& I don't) he will nap all stinkin day long!!

Oh another thing they did have in common is reflux.  Due to Addy's dairy allergy she had some really bad reflux.  But thankfully once I cut out dairy & put her on a small dose of Axid, she did great.  Wiley however has some pretty intense silent reflux.  At first I thought I was overreacting.  Then he started choking & turning blue.  Yeah that was scary.  The reflux causes him to get super congested & cough a ton as well.  The ped had me take him to get a chest xray when he was only 3mo just to rule out pneumonia it was so bad.  He is on prevacid & just at his last well visit we added on Axid to see if it will help.  This I believe is why he does not sleep through the night.  I have tried CIO a few times but it never works.  We just started solids 2 wks ago so I'm hoping between that & the meds, he starts to do better @ night.  At our recent visit we also learned that he went from the 50th %tile to the 11th in weight.  Another issue from his reflux.  Hoping that he also gains w/the solids & new meds as well. 

Outside of the reflux & lack of nighttime sleep though he is really a doll.  He smiles all day long.  Seriously all day.  Addy never giggled out loud.  She would smile a ton but just not laugh out loud.  But Wiley does & I love it.  He is rolling from belly to back & vice versa & just last night learned to sleep on his belly for the first time.  And he slept great, so I'm hoping this is a good sign.  He is still swaddled for naps but I don't see that lasting much longer.  I'm sure there are a thousand other things going on but I'd be here all day.

Of course I do have to update on my almost 3 year old!!  Say what???!  Addy is going to be 3!  She's 3 going on 15 though.  Man does she have sass that one!  We have some crazy on & off nighttime issues w/her as well.  Started around 2.5yo & got real bad recently.  Seems like things may be slowing down but I'm afraid to believe it.  She has some night terrors & other nights I think she just wants company.  She will come up w/a thousand excuses for you to come & stay in her room with her.  Just hoping it continues to get better. She has tons of energy & can be pretty rough w/her baby brother but overall is an awesome big sister.  But I have a feeling this year is going to be a tough one.  Oh & she is  not 100% on dairy.  We introduced slowly around 2.5 yo & she did great.  If she has too much she still gets belly issues, but we just keep an eye on her intake.  Makes meals soooo much easier.  Praise God!! 

So lastly, the truth is I don't think I'll be keeping up this blog anymore.  So very sad but I just can't find the passion for it I once did.  The only issue I have is losing touch w/most of you!  So as some of you have seen I've turned part time stalker.  My goal is to get as many (if not all of you) to become my Facebook friend & try to make a private group.  So here's the deal...FIND ME!!  I have had some luck stalking finding some of you, but there are many I don't know how to get in touch with.  So Ella, Christa, Amy, Tracy, CeCe, Natalie, Shandrea, Nicole (if you're still out there), Janet & everyone else I'm leaving out, if you have Facebook I'm DVerHague@gmail.com.  And even if you didn't follow each others blogs I think we'd still have a blast.  And if you don't want to join a group just be my friend lol!!!

And of course I'll leave you w/some pics.  But if you become my FB friend you'll get to see more of these cuties!!

My little boy Wiley James was born 12/14/12 @ 6:31 am weighing 7lb 7oz & 21" long!  He was my second planned homebirth.  He is an absolute joy & I still can't believe he's here!

He was due 12/8 & everyone thought he was going to be early, but than the whole tooth debacle occurred & put a halt on all pregnancy related symptoms.  It was crazy.  No more bh contractions, indigestion or anything!  As tough as it was to go over, I am grateful my body knew what I could handle.  My mom came in to town on 12/1 & was in town until 12/14 (yes the day Wiley was born) when she was due to leave @ noon.  When I went to bed on 12/13, I was so discouraged my mom wouldn't get to see the birth.  She was there for Addy's so it seemed so wrong she wouldn't be for this one.  Especially after spending 2 whole weeks!!

Once the date passed & I was no longer in constant pain w/my tooth, I started trying ways to get labor going.  I am not big on self induction prior to 40 wks & there are very limited things I would do.  So basically I bounced on a ball, walked all over dodge & did the deed w/hubby as often as my poor tired body would allow.  About 2 days prior to his birth, I started feeling pregnant again.  I was achy, swollen, had heartburn & finally started getting bh contractions again.  The night before my mom was due to leave, we tried doing the deed again.  That was about 10:30.  I fell asleep right after & woke @ 1am w/real contractions.  I really wasn't sure, so I stayed in bed trying to sleep for the next hour.  I was able to snooze on & off, but came to the conclusion this was definitely it.  Sex worked & my mom hadn't left yet!  I woke hubby to tell him but said to go back to sleep, called my doula & midwife to let them know & hopped in the shower.  I got out & tried to rest a bit more but things were really picking up.  At 3am I couldn't handle the pain alone anymore, so I woke hubby & he came in to the living room w/me & helped me through contractions.  They were anywhere between 3-5 min apart but picking up in intensity.  Hubby called the doula & midwife when he had gotten up so they were on their way but both lived a decent distance.  When I had Addy it was about 19hrs of labor so we figured we had time.  As things picked up, hubby wanted to get a fire going & set up the pool, so we woke my mom up @ 4am & she than labored w/me the next hour.  She was doing her best to help, but in typical mom fashion she was too busy timing my contractions & stressing about how close together they were to really help.

My doula arrived around 5am & my midwife was only a couple minutes behind.  My doula was an absolute dream.  My whole birthing team was amazing!!  There was so much trust between us all & I can not praise them enough.  As the pool filled up, I labored on the ball.  I complained that my water hadn't broken & my midwife told me not to stress as it really meant nothing.  If anything, it was better it didn't too early.  Not more than 10min later my water broke!!  It felt great when it happened but oh my word the contractions afterwards are a different story!!!  Thankfully the pool was full & I was able to climb in.  I would say it was about 5:30 at this point.  At first the pool made me feel great & relieved a lot of pain.  But as the contractions got closer & longer, I was having a hard time gaining control.  Only about 20 min in I started to feel the urge to push.  I couldn't believe things were going so fast.  But w/Addy I had gotten to this pt w/relative ease (it was about 12-14 hrs) & than she got stuck for 5 very long hours.  So I tried to remain positive as I knew negative or fearful thoughts could slow things down.  I tried 2 different positions but was starting to get discouraged as I was pushing but felt nothing was happening.  My midwife suggested the birthing stool & although I had NO desire to move, I had already decided that I wanted to try more positions than I did w/Addy.  So I got up & sat on the stool & as unbelievably uncomfortable as the thing was, the position really allowed me to feel more in control.  I don't know if it was the leverage it provided or just the gravity working, but I was able to focus so much more.  Only about 5 min in, I felt Wiley start to crown.  I was able to really meditate between & breath & was so much better able to push.  After only 20 min my gorgeous son was born.  All in all it was 5.5 hours w/only 3.5 being active labor!!!  It was incredibly intense but w/my hubby & doulas support, I did better than I ever imagined I could.

I did have a tear that required 9 stitches but I am feeling really really good.  My little man has his days & nights confused right now which is making for a very sleepy mommy & daddy.  Adelyn is head over heels in love w/her baby brother & is such a mom to him.  However, she is not thrilled w/the attention he is getting from us and we are dealing w/some acting out.  I know this is normal but I am feeling very guilty.  She is usually such a good girl, so it is tough to see her act this way.  Luckily, her daddy is an amazing person & has been working so hard at making sure she knows we still love her just as much while I'm busy with Wiley! 

At the birth, the assistant midwives daughter came to take pictures as per our request.  We haven't gotten all them yet but she did send us some sample shots that I absolutely love.  So I will share them.  

One tired but very proud Mama! My gorgeous family Proud big sister!!! And here is our little man Wiley James

Figured I'd give a quick update.  I am now 4 days passed my due date & am doing my best to remain optimistic.  The truth is I feel great physically.  I'm still sleeping well & my little man is healthy & well.  But oh the emotional aspect is a doozy!  I've done my research & I know that there is nothing wrong w/waiting.  However, no one else has & the pressure is immense!  My mom has been here since 12/1 & leaves on Fri.  So I hear every 2 min how sad she is or how bad she wishes she could be here.  I get it.  I'm so beyond bummed she won't be.  But what can I do about it???  And if one more person asks me if I'm going to get induced I might scream!!!!  I know they mean well but I'm so done explaining why I'm not & getting looked at like a crackhead.  To each their own.  I'd never put my son at risk & TO ME induction is more of a risk at this point than waiting.  I'm only 4 days!!  But each day feels like 3 I tell ya. 

So the plan as of now is to wait til my next appt on Mon (41+2 wks) & get a biophysical profile sono to make sure he is healthy, fluid is good & placenta is doing what it should.  I truly hope I don't make it that far but if I do, I trust my midwife & her plan for us.  I know she'd never put us at risk.  I was only 1cm & 50% effaced on Mon so if I haven't progressed by than, I may consider either getting a sweep or using castor oil.  But oh how I want to avoid both!!  So pleeeeaaaase say a prayer for me that this little man makes his appearance soon.  I really want to have the homebirth we have our heart set on.  However, I will do whatever is necessary to keep him healthy & safe.

Ok so if you've been there you know that last week before baby arrives is often filled w/last minute preparation, as many naps as possible & that crazy burst of energy some of us get thanks to nesting.  At least this is how it went with Addy.  I was so looking forward to this week.  Tuning in to my body & awaiting the arrival of our precious boy.  Sadly, this is NOT how it went.  On Thurs night I started getting a somewhat annoying toothache in an old root canal.  This tooth has caused me issues in the past & after seeing the Dr about it in Aug we learned that the crown was just poorly made but insurance wouldn't cover a new one til the summer.  So we put it back on in hopes that it would hold out.  Once I woke up Fri & the pain had gotten pretty bad I made an appt & went in.  The Dr did an xray (which I tried to avoid) & informed me the root canal had "failed" & needed to be repaired.  Unfortunately it was infected so I couldn't get it fixed until I was on antibiotics for at least 3 days.  He gave me a script for those & 800mg ibuprofen & an appt for Tues morn @ 8am.  By noon that afternoon the pain was so bad but I had heard that ibuprofen was a big No No last tri, so I called my midwife.  She said if I could handle the pain she would rather I stick w/Tylenol based products but that if I needed the ibuprofen for the swelling than it was ok to take it.  So I got it filled but then the pharmacist scared the crud out of me more telling me all the risks.  After that I asked my midwife for something else & she called in Tylenol #3 but reiterated that she was the midwife & that if she said it was ok to take the ibuprofen that it was.  After dinner that night I was in a pain I didn't even know was possible.  Not just did I take the ibuprofen but also the Tylenol but nothing was working.  I read up & learned that sadly most pain killers won't work until the antibiotics start working on the infection.  I suffered throughout the night & called my dentist emergency line Sat begging/crying for him to help me.  He said that until the antibiotics start working he can't do any work.  Apparently the Novocaine would not take while there was an infection present.  The pain got so unbearable I ended up in the ER that afternoon.  I was so desperate I didn't know what to do.  They gave me a dental block which numbed the side of my face & gave me sweet relief.  But like my dentist explained it lasted less than 2 hrs & by the time it wore off the pain was even worse.  During that time I was able to sleep some & drink a yogurt smoothie at least.  They also gave me a script for Vicodin but I just couldn't bring myself to take it.  And besides nothing else was working.  They also reiterated how unsafe ibuprofen was which did not help! At this point I hadn't eaten anything substantial since my dinner Fri night.  I was trying to drink smoothies but everything just hurt so bad.  Baby boy would get so quiet any time I would take anything & I'm sure the lack of food/sleep was not helping.  I "slept" on the couch Sat night & would alternate between the Tylenol & ibuprofen in an attempt to reduce the pain.  I cried for hours basically.  By Sun morn it was as though the antibiotics finally started kicking in and the the meds started to help the pain.  However, I had developed a HUGE abscess & my entire face was swollen.

Don't I look lovely?! 

I certainly wasn't pain free but the meds were working which helped me get through the day.  That night I actually slept waking only to take some meds to get through.  Finally on Mon I called the dentist & went in.  He decided the tooth wasn't even worth saving & he would remove the whole thing.  Thankfully after 3 shots of Novocaine the area was numb enough & the tooth was removed.  Naturally this helped with recovery but was sadly not the end of my pain.  Things have slowly gotten better but some days are still pretty painful.  Of all the meds the only thing that helps is the ibuprofen which I imagine is because it helps w/the swelling.  I am down to taking only a normal advil a few times a day but still have extreme guilt/nerves over it.  Saw my midwife Mon afternoon after the extraction & she reiterated that baby would be fine & also informed me I lost 4 lbs from last week.  Luckily as of Tues morn I've been able to actually eat food & the swelling has gone down a lot.  For some reason today has been super painful & I'm getting very discouraged.  I know my body will not allow me to go in to labor until I'm better & I'm grateful for that.  But here I am 39+5 weeks & suffering tooth pain.  I should be enjoying my time w/Addy before it's no longer just the 2 of us.  I know that things can only get better as I continue to heal & I've been trying to hold on to that.  Please pray that this tooth heals completely before my due date in 2 days.  My mom has been in town since Sun & is here til the 13th.  That has been such a HUGE blessing but I would be so sad if she didn't get to see our little man or spend much time with him before needing to return home. 

Baby boy is starting to be more active again & my BH contractions are back full force so I'm taking this as a good sign.  I've been so very worried about him!  So that's how I've spent my 39th week of pregnancy.  Not fun at all!

Sorry I haven't updated in AGES!!!  What an awful blogger!!!  I will be 38 weeks pregnant in 3 days!  Say what??  Only 17 more days til my little mans due date!! 

So how have things been going?  I have to say that this pregnancy is NOTHING like it was with Addy.  The first trimester was pretty close which is why I was sure I was having another girl.  But once the 2nd tri came around, there were quite a few differences. And now holy cow do I miss my carefree comfy pregnancy I had with Adelyn!  Since around 30 weeks this little man has given me hell!  I did pretty well not complaining at first but nowadays, not so much. :)  He is a lot stronger & I'm assuming bigger than Addy was & hurts like a bugger when he moves, which is a lot.  But it's so hard to complain when you feel your little miracle moving inside of you.  I had some minor preterm labor issues around 34 weeks but things have settled down thankfully.  In order to have a homebirth, I needed to make it to 37 weeks so I'm glad we are there now.  I still have days where the contractions are pretty intense but they always subside.  My midwife thinks if he doesn't come early he should at least come fast.  I'll take either at this point (or both).  In the typical oversharing department I am dealing with some TERRIBLE hemorrhoids.  This is by far my biggest complaint.  They came out of nowhere & man they are just wrong!!  Terrified how this will play out once I have him!

Even with this not being the most comfortable pregnancy, I will still miss having this little one inside of me.  The truth is, who knows if I'll get to do this again, so I'm just trying to cherish every moment.  I'm so excited though to hold him & for Addy to meet her little brother.  I am not sure how she is going to handle it.  Heck I'm not sure how any of us will.  But I'm praying she is excited.  She talks about him all the time & kisses or rubs my belly constantly.  I have a lot of fear about how I'm going to give her the attention she needs while taking care of the baby too.  I know this is natural & remind myself that millions of women do it all the time. 

When we moved in to our new house in Sept the whole thing had been remodeled except the nursery.  It took us ages, but after putting up new walls, floors & trim, painting & installing a door, it is done!  I'm in love with it.  It really was a labor of love for my hubby & I. 

Now I will leave you with some pics.  Hubby took most with his cell, so they're not great.

37 weeks

From the door

Left of the door

The nursery bedding my mom & sis got

And of course my beautiful girl

....that I should be so sad today.  This day last year, I had just found out our Poppy girl had passed the day before (10/5) & scheduled my D&S for the next day (10/7).  I was newly moved & far away from family & friends.  My marriage was in a terrible place w/only more struggles to come.  There was so much emptiness & tears.  This year, I am exactly 31 weeks pregnant in a gorgeous new home w/a beautiful happy 2 yo, excited to meet her baby brother & my marriage is stronger than ever.  Yet here I am filled w/grief on the anniversary of our loss.  It is cold & rainy here & hubby is on day 6 of an 8 day stretch, so I'm sure none of that is helping.  I really just want this weekend to be over.  I'm trying to focus on all the positive, but if I have to be honest, it's proving harder than I had hoped.  Hormones are playing a huge part!

So in an attempt to help me I'm going to update you all as to how things are going.  This should help me remember all the good I now have.  Like I said, we are 31 wks pregnant.  Can't believe we are in the single digits as far as the number of weeks remaining!!!  We are VERY slowly getting prepared for our baby boys arrival.  Although every other room in our new house has been renovated, the nursery had not been touched in God knows how long.  We tried to do the work ourselves, but between the lack of time/talent, we finally gave in and hired a contractor.  He was awesome & a Christian & we were blessed w/the amazing work he did & the fee he charged.  So now all the nursery needs is to be primed, painted & carpet installed.  Oh & a door!  But we have walls!!  Hopefully when hubby is off this Tues & Wed we can get cracking on that.

The house is more than I ever could've asked for.  I still walk around almost a month after moving in thinking, "this is really ours?".  I love it.  It's got so much space & amazing property.  We did require a crash course in pool closing which was our first trial as homeowners.  But with the help of friends we were successful.  Moving while expecting is tough.  We waited to buy anything for the baby until we moved, but boy does buying things for a new home & a new baby at the same time become expensive!!  Thankfully my husband is amazing w/finances & continues to reassure me that all will be fine.  Needless to say I can't wait until tax return season!!  LOL. 

Adelyn has adjusted better than I could've imagined.  I was so nervous she would start pulling again.  She loves showing everyone her new room.  And in her new room now is her big girl bed!!  She hasn't actually slept in it yet.  We bought it & set it all up but are waiting to move her in to it.  She plays on it & we talk about her sleeping in it.  I am aiming to try naps on it this week.  Please pray it goes smoothly.  I hope to have her adjusted to it way before the baby's arrival so that she isn't sad that he's in "her" crib.  We finally saw the specialists regarding her hair pulling & other sensory issues & it went so very well.  We saw a Dr that was just perfect for us.  She gave us some suggestions & we are going to see an OT on Tues who will give us more.  I am excited to have the knowledge to handle any issues as they come up.  She talks about her baby brother all day & loves giving him (my big ol belly) hugs & kisses.  When she actually feels him kick is hysterical.  Her eyes get so huge & she screams.  I love her so much.  Am terrified of how she is going to handle his arrival though.  But that is a whole other post for another time.

And amongst all the blessings God has given me, are the new blessings here in blogland!!  I'm know I don't update often, but I'm always checking.  Many of you ladies will always have a special place in my heart & when I hear your good news it brings me so much joy.  I am beyond thrilled to learn of 3 new pregnancies and am praying every day for your little ones.  Of course I'm always thinking of those still struggling as well. 

This did help!!  Over 3 years later & this blog is still the one place I can go to as an outlet. 

So I've gone on here ready to write an update what seems like a hundred times.  Either as soon as I do I 1)get distracted by something else online 2)get distracted by something else that needed to get done or 3)get lazy.  So, I am not budging until this is done!! 

Things here are really going great.  I am living this life I feel like I definitely don't deserve.  God has been so very good to us & I am grateful for his provisions, above & beyond what we need.  Adelyn is growing like a weed & talks more than any other 2 (often 3) year old I've yet to meet.  She has always been advanced in her speech, but it still amazes the heck out of me.  She is tall & thin like her daddy too.  We still have her rear facing (& get tons of crap for it too!).  We were trying to wait until she hit 30lbs but being as she was 1oz shy of 25lbs 2 wks ago & is in the 80th percentile for height we are thinking we will have to turn her in Dec (or sooner) so that we can fit the 2 car seats in our smaller sized vehicles.  She is so much fun at this age & we are really enjoying our mommy/Addy time before the arrival of our little boy.



Eating some delicious dairy free zucchini cake for her 2nd birthday!

Speaking of our little boy, Squirt's arrival is FAST approaching.  I will be 26 wks on Sat & I am nowhere close to prepared (more on why later).  But soooo incredibly excited.  This pregnancy is nothing like Addy's.  I am definitely less comfortable & tired very often.  As you may remember, I was still working w/Addy walking between 3-7miles up until I was 8 months.  I felt good & enjoyed being active.  Her kicks were always these pleasant feelings that made me smile.  Squirt however must be a mini linebacker because he hurts like heck!!!  He is still not head down so who knows what's where & most of the time he enjoys hanging out by my right ribcage.  Oh so fun.  I have an anterior placenta, so it took me a while to feel anything & now that I do, I often wish he would go easier on me.  And I'm only 26 weeks!!!  Aaaahhh!  But please know I'm not complaining!  I will get the crap kicked out of me all day long if it means my little boy is growing big & strong. 



25 wks 3 days.  Terrible posture I know.

We have interviewed 3 doulas all of which are saved Christians & still haven't decided on which one to hire.  The price ranges up here vary like crazy!!  But I think we are leaning towards one & just need to finalize our decision.  My midwife is awesome which I'm super excited about.  The one downstate wasn't my fav & I never really connected w/her as I didn't start seeing her til I was 32 wks.  But I have such a great relationship with our new one.  She has actually suffered multiple losses (one stillborn) & sees the same specialist we did.  So I think there is that link between us.  Can't imagine giving birth to babies all the time after suffering like she has.  Talk about amazing.

And if life wasn't crazy enough we bought a house & are just waiting to hear what day next week we are closing!!!  This house is GORGEOUS w/a pool, barn, 11.5 acres of land & a beautiful updated kitchen.  It is more than I could've imagined.  I love upstate NY..lol.  It was the 1st house we even looked at & God just really worked out everything for us to be able to purchase it & the transaction to go so very smoothly.  We are even closing a week early!  So as you can imagine things are nuts.  We are trying to pack but haven't really gotten to into it as we had no idea exactly when we'd close.  The new house is completely remodeled except for Squirts room of course!  We will have to completely redo the walls & floor.  So I have not gotten one single thing set up for his arrival.  Outside of a few gifts from friends, he has nothing to wear. Addy's clothes won't work as she was a girl born in July!  But we are blessed to have all her other things that he can use.  We are also putting a toddler bed in Addy's room for a month or 2 before moving her to it (hopefully), so we can put the crib in Squirts room.  Sooo much to get done.

Can't wait to move in!!



Our beautiful yard!

Last year when we moved up here is when Addy started pulling from the stress, so I ask that you pray for her & this move.  She has been doing great & her hair is getting so long.  I would hate to see her start pulling again.  We do have an appt w/a specialist (that I've waited 6 mo for) on 9/21 so if she does start at least we can try & get some help. 

Sooooooo as you can see we are very busy but oh so very happy!!!  I have not written, but I have certainly been keeping up w/all of you!  I am praying for those of you who are TTC again or have fallen pregnant.  Not a day goes by where I don't think of each of you.