My existence

There is an old Arabic social rule, that says that if you want to know the reality of a person, you have to look at his/her friends, and for the last few years I have strongly been against that, because my closest circle of friends are so different, they all have different life styles, different principles and believes, but in the last few months, I have gotten the chance to look into my own personality, and reflect on my life and history, and it was quite shocking.

My life really started to become personally productive when I was 18, and I have noticed that most of my achievements are in some way related to my friends. I might be against changing your own personality for the sake of others, but the changing that has been in my personality due to my friends is not actually for their sake, but they have influenced me in a way, and I prefer thinking of it as they have helped me and guided me, while I keep the full control on the changes, in other more simple words, the changes has happened out of conviction, but the conviction took place by the knowledge I gained from interacting with my closest friends.

And considering the fact that I am proud of the person I am, and how I have developed, I here by send my greeting and thanks to all my closest friends.

Here is a list of some of  the closest of closest of my friends (in no specific order) :

  Monther the resourceful : My friendship with Monther is old,  he is very resourceful, have been an important source of information in different fields. One of the things I like most of our relation is the ‘zero formality’ way of communication, but at the same time, we have never gotten into an insulting or disrespectful event, I actually can not remember any time when we had some kind of fight or something.

Kathrin the supportive : This is a girl that have showed me true unselfishness, some times it is really hard to believe that this kind of a person can really exist in this world that is full of wars and evil.

Aseel the warm hearted : I might not have hanged out that much with Aseel, but some of my most warm memories are joining her for ice creams after lectures. She has a golden aura that you can’t help yourself being touched by, just seeing her smile and being around her can lift your spirit a million mile up in the sky, just remembering her can re-give you a lot of hope.

Omar the quick changing: here is a guy I can relate to in his personal life, he was similar to the way I was about 8 years ago, and changed into how I was 4 years ago, and all that in a few months, he truly gave me a wake up call when I needed it. Our conversations were simple but enjoyable.

        Kloude the magnificent: My dragon girl, some one I do truly love, some one who have made my belief system stand strong, she did motivate me to remain myself, even when it is against all the rest of society. She is a living proof that maturity and age has nothing to do with each other.

Maha the lovable:  This is my own Princess from Yaman, a very social girl, that I have so many memories with, the fun we have had is priceless. Maha have helped me realize that friendship is one of the most precious treasures we can have.

Ahmad Khfash the philosophically knowledgeable:  I have never had as much fun debating as when I debated with Ahmad, I would prefer skipping a very important lecture, or even an exam to be able to debate with him for another half hour, he could really make my day. He is very informed and has read a lot of books, so he is very wise. I must admit that he has really given me some extremely good  advice in time of needs, which have helped me through difficult times.

Joanna the most beautiful : Her beauty is beyond description, just as my love towards her, but beauty is not her only feature, she is smart, intelligent, and thoughtful. Her writing style is full of emotions and can make any cold hearted person melt into a puddle of feelings. I consider Joanna one of 3 people that are so close to me that I no longer consider them other people but instead they have become just a part of the individual ‘me’.

Isabel the youth hearted : here is another person of the 3 super close ones, one who have been my light in darkness. She is my proof the feeling and behavior of youth does not need to go away with the passing of years, and that childness can survive in the heart and bring joy when it is needed.

Mark the wild : the last of the special 3 people, he really defines the madness and craziness in me. He is a very wild person, and ever changing. He is the balance in the unity of us 4. He is a bit beyond explanation though.

I am sitting here alone, there is no place to go, so I thought perhaps I should write, for writing has always showed me ways to open closed doors…

Where is the logic for things to be so messed up? Is there logic for the feeling that I should give up and change the way I am?  I am after all, the only thing I have ever truly owned, so where is the justice when I am asked to give it away? Will I be satisfied if I reveal the pain, or tell about how I feel inside and explain? I have tried this and that, but the rope around my neck is still there.

They told me that it will take time, but time have passed, and for every moment of sun shine, I suffer hours of storm.Everything seems so wrong… not long time ago I thought I was starting to see things clear, but again , I WAS DEAD WRONG!

To fantasize about living one of my dreams are a luxury I can no longer afford, not at night time or day, because if I do, I will soon be woken up, and then what will I find?… yes, I will find the nightmare, that is nothing less nor more then my reality.

Hard to believe that it was me who spoke and wrote these words, what has happened to my mind, and most importantly, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY SOUL???

Well anyway, perhaps there is no better time then NOW to say good bye, or am I again wrong…