An open letter to PS. 

Posted on by Em Dee

Hey, you lit it up again with that little spark. 

I just really don’t know what to feel when you told me something unexpected.  And it hits me hard, so hard. To this extent that I can’t let a night pass by without thinking about it, about you.

PS, It’s not yet really clear to me if you just played around me back then, or it really means something to you.

But please know that whatever it is that we had in the past is something that is hanged up forever until the universe let it happen.

I can still remember how much I adore you, and you know, I realized that everything was not forgotten by the heart, it can still recall the feelings. I love you still, nothing changes.

You charmed me in your ways that I didn’t know, given that all I have known back then is the form of your face and the sound of your voice and the beauty of your words.

You made me love you. You made me forget that I was in a 2 years relationship that time. You made me take the all the risk. But you left.  You made me had my first super wasted drinking session where all I was freaking about was you.

Remember how much I was trying to call you every night, text you every single day, send you poems and love letters, remember how much I was trying to find answers of WHYs.

We were almost lovers, it was almost a dream come true for me.

I am beyond blessed having the chance to meet you. I know it was way-way back 2015 when I told you a promise that I will go there to see you. And I never lost and let go of that promise. I hold on to that not because I committed to it, but because it is always my dream to see you.

And it will never be the last. Will you still allow me to make another promise?

Nothing changed, I will promise to see you again and again and again as long as I can.

PS, you will always have a genuinely special place in my heart.

See you very soon.

Nothing Left to Give

Posted on by Em Dee

I think I have nothing to give anymore, I already had loved you with all my days, all my strength, all my abilities.

I had loved you together with all my ability to understand things between us, all our difficult situations.

I already had loved you in ways that can make you realize that its me what you needed, I already had did everything.

It is only I don’t have the guts to start a fight against your girl, because I cant ever sacrifice my dignity for you, its all that was left to me. 

I had already given my all and that’s never enough to satisfy you. 

Never enough to choose me. Never enough reason for you to  realize that my heart is not meant to be broken. 

Never enough reason to be loved back.

 I was never enough. 

But still, thank you. 

Thank you because I discovered to myself how much I am willing to give for love. 

How much I can love someone, and the next person I will choose to give such great love, must be deserving of it and must fully understand how valuable I am to her, and can love me as much as I deserve to be loved. 

You may not believe me, 

But I gave you all I had.

Borrowed

Posted on by Em Dee

We don’t own each other.
You are not mine. And I am not yours.
We know that these are all borrowed or steal moments of us.
But having is not  the point of all of this anymore.
Borrowed or not, this still feels the same.
The feeling is still beautiful as good,  and sweet, and I won’t trade these kinds of moments I have with you to anything else in this world.

I just want to stay here right beside you.
Seeing your beautiful eyes looking at me while I continuously hearing my favorite melody, your voice.

While you’re telling me stories about how your day went.
Im getting a glance of your perfectly curved lips .
Lips that owns the smile that melts my heart and  soul.
A smile that is so innocent and marks and invades every part of my mind.
I feel every flesh of you
It pleases me to wrap your body with my hugs and warmth you with mine.
You hold my hand and you quench the thirst of my hands to be held,
I feel how it perfectly fits mine and how warm those hands of you can left me with ice cold feet.

Above all things I borrowed, the moments with you I once had is my favorite.
If you’ll just let me own you,
there’s no piece of you will left untouched,
no flesh of you will left unkissed and
no part of you will left unloved.

Hahayaan Kita

Posted on by Em Dee

Hahayaan kong kainin ako ng katangahan sayo,
Hahayaan ko ang sarili ko maubos at padurog ng pirapiraso sa bawat masasakit na sinasabi mo.
Hahayaan ko lang na saktan mo ko ng paulit ulit hanggang ikaw na mismo ang magsawa at baka mahalin mo nadin ako. haha putangina hibang na nga  ako.
Hahayaan ko na lang na kahit kailan ay hindi mo sambitin ang pangalan ko dahil tuwang tuwa ka na  tawagin ako sa kung anong mga kagaguhan n  binabansag mo.
Tanga, bobo, baho mo, o kahit sa bawat salita mo ay dugtungan mo pa ng “putang ina mo”
Oo putangina ko kasi ang tanga tanga ko sayo.

Hahayaan ko lang ang sarili ko na maging masaya sa mabababaw na bagay tungkol sayo.
Maging sapat na ang marinig yung mga tawa mo sa telepono,
kahit iba naman yung kausap mo.
Hahayaan ko lang na sambitin mo sakin sa araw araw na siya ang mahal mo,
at magtanong ng paulit ulit sa sarili ko, kailan naman kaya magiging ako.

Hahayaan lang kita na humiling ng kahit anong gusto mo, basta meron ako, ibibigay ko.
Hahayaan lang kita na hanapin ako sa tuwing bored ka na sa buhay mo at wala ka nang choice kundi ako.
Pag wala ka nang makausap, kundi ako.
Pag wala ka nang masungitan, andito naman ako.
Pati nadin putangina, maski pampalipas ng libog mo, nandito padin ako.
Basta nandito lang ako sa lahat ng oras ng buhay mo.
Hahayaan ko lang lahat lahat hangga’t mahal na mahal kita.
Pero tandaan mo, sa ngayon, hahayaan ko lang, pero lahat nang ‘to may hangganan,
At kapag dumating na sa tuktok ng katapusan,
Kapag nagising na ako sa ‘king putanginang katangahan,
kapag wala na kong lakas para lumaban,
kapag nakaya ko nang tanggapin ang katotohanan.
Alam ko, wala akong pagsisisihan.

Sabi nila hindi na daw pagmamahal pag mas lumalamang na ang katangahan,
Pero para sakin, at sa sitwasyon natin,
katangahan nalang ang aking paraan at makakapitan.
Para kahit minsan naman maparamdam ko sayo na minahal kita ng lubusan.
At hanggang sa huli, hahayaan padin kita.
HAHAYAAN NA KITA.

Kaibigan

Posted on by Em Dee

Alam ko na na kailangan ng alarma sa puso ko tuwing lalapit ka saakin na para kang si Boy Abunda tapos
Sasabihin’ “KAIBIGAN, TARA USAP TAYO” Gusto na kitang taguan, gusto ko nang lumisan sa kung saan di mo ako matatagpuan.
Bakit ba kasi sa ilang bilyong tao sa mundo,
Ako pa talaga?  ako pa talaga ang iyong ginagawang takbuhan ?
Gusto na nga kitang tanungin kung Nananadya ka ba ?
Hindi mo ba nakikita sakin’ mga mata
Na tuwing binibigkas mo ang pangalan niya, ay siya mong pagbalibag ng puso ko?
Oo, kasi KAIBIGAN.
Kaibigan mo nga lang pala kasi ako.
Kaibigan, Kaibigan, Kaibigan.
At hindi natin yun pwedeng lampasan.

Ilang pagiyak at pagpapatahan pa nga ba ang kailangan.
Ilang kwento ng away at bati niyo pa ba ang dapat kong pakinggan ?
Ilang walang hanggang pangako niyo pa ba ang dapat kong malaman.
Ilang luha pa ba ang dapat kong punasan.
Ilang beses mo pa ba ako kikitain sa ating tagpuan para lang magkwento ng mga sari’t sari niyong lambingan
Ilan pa ? Hanggang kailan pa?
Hanggang kailan mo pa ba ako sasaktan.
Ilang kutsilyo pa ba ang hahayaan kong tumusok sa puso ko para ako’y matauhan na putangina, para sayo ako lang ay isang KAIBIGAN.

Kaibigan na dapat lang ay sandalan,
Na maski yang kamay mo, kahit gaano ko naisin ay hindi ko manlang mahawakan.
Na kahit yakap manlang na mahigpit, at may pagmamahal. Hindi ko manlang maranasan.
Paano ko nga ba tatakasan. Paano ?

Mananatili nalang ba akong pipe sa aking nararamdaman o dapat ko nang sabihing “TAMA NA, AKO NAMAN”
Dapat na ba akong matauhan o umasa na baka sakali mapansin mo ko, isang araw tapos maisip mo din na baka meron pa tayong pwedeng patunguhan.

Gusto ko na nga minsang pasukin yang utak mo at ilagay ang bawat letra ng pangalan ko.
Na minsan gusto kong pumasok sa panaginip mo at ipakita ko sayo na magiging mas masaya pa tayo.
Ipapakita ko sayo ang lahat ng bagay na hindi nakikita ng mata mo, lahat ng ginagawa ko para sayo.
Lahat ng pinagsamahan natin na di mo manlang napapansin.
Gagawin kong saakin lang ang atensyon mo, kahit isang gabi lang, kahit isang pagkakataon lang sa panaginip mo.
Kung pwede ko lang nga turuan yang puso mo para ako naman ang mahalin mo.
Gagawin ko.

Sa paggising ko, almusal ko ay “Kaibigan mo lang ako”
Sa tanghalian,  “Kaibigan mo lang ako”
Pati nga sa hapunan “Kaibigan mo lang ako”
Kailan kaya dadating ang umaga na Ako naman ang mahal mo.
Kailan kaya ako gigising ng may lakas ng loob para sabihing
“Kaibigan, Sayo nalang ako”
Sawang sawa na ako sa mga kwentong sinasaktan ka lang niya, sawang sawa nadin puso kong madurog at masaktan.
Kaya kaibigan, kung pwede lang, kung pwede lang naman..

Akin Ka Nalang.