Eternal Light

Ramadan 1431- Day 30 September 9, 2010

Blink of an eye.

I said I would update around daily, and look, it is the last day of Ramadan.  It passed too quickly, slipped away so fast, that I think my lack of posts define its true essense.  Ramadan is the short time between my first post and my last.  It goes by too fast to document.  And you are left at the end: always filled with sadness for the leaving of this great guest.  Sometimes you are left inspired to continue what you have started.

And sometimes you are left with regret for your shortcomings.  At the end of the month you realize- what was the worth of my sleep during the month now? Every minute asleep- if not with the intention to become stronger for worship-seems like a waste after the month is over.  You would think by the end of the month those moments of shut eye would leave you well-rested.  On the contrary, they leave you restless.

Restless.  The quran I could have read instead of that sleep.  The dhikr I could have made instead of that random thing I got busy doing.  Every minute could have been savoured and yet- their worth truly shines when they are gone.  Forever.  And you are left wishful that Allah blesses you to see another Ramadan and make up for it.

I learned.  Is that not life? In the next life, those who were astray will wish that they prepared for their life. (see surat Alfajr).  They say I wish I prepared for my life.  What are they refereing to by ‘my life’? The afterlife. Because this one, this one is a blink of an eye-hardly a life.  This life is a Ramadan surrounded by eleven months.  All of which are filled with minutes that are filled with seconds that are filled with opportunities that we may pass- just out of laziness.

This blink-of-an-eye (layman language: life) is not worth it.  I define it as smiles between dissapointments; dissapointments being the true markers.  It is a sadness we try to escape- not a happiness interrupted by sadness.  It is fickle.  He who chases it falls, he who dwells in it drowns, he who is deceived by it will never know anything true.  Ramadan comes to teach us that that is the true worth of dunya-if only we would wake up.

Eid is tommorow.  I feel like it is Eid only for those who left this month forgiven.  Only for those who in this month have been saved from Hellfire.  Only for those who Allah has guaranteed them Jannah.  We can’t know who they are of course- but those are who deserve Eid.  Anyone else deserves a Janaza over his yet living soul,  I think.

So until next Ramadan then.  Eleven blinks until the next blink of an eye.

And all this life: just one blink of an eye.

Ramadan 1&2, 1431 August 12, 2010

So inshAllah I’m going to reflect upon this Ramadan as frequently as possible…

Ramadan 1, 1431:
Firstly, this is the first Ramadan I start without my family. SubhanAllah, as deep of a hole as that carves in my heart, it made me realize something important- that Ramadan is a month of worship. As ridiculously straightforward as that sounds, I think we forget that the true purpose of Ramadan is worshiping Allah because the decoration and beauty of experiencing it with family and friends distracts us. It’s like, you reach a point of understanding that although good companionship makes everything more beautiful (no harm in that!), we should be able to find the pleasure in the act of worship itself, of pleasing Allah, even if we were to do that alone on the moon.

On a lighter note, I had Nesquick cereal for suhoor! (I don’t normally have cereal for breakfast, but it is to invoke childhood memories.) Throughout the day, I felt like a little kid! I was hungry, and I wished that athan al-thuhur was athan al-maghrib! Alhamdulilah, the Ramadan spirit is there, even though I spent this day continuing my week of study for my final (and it is hard to study while fasting in the heat!) but alhamdulilah. I prayed taraweeh behind my Uncle… It was amazing to welcome Ramadan…

Ramadan 2, 1431:
Cereal for suhoor again! Had my immunology final.. Again, it is a bit difficult to concentrate on test-taking while fasting, and even harder to break the habit of going out to eat with your friends (mostly comfort food over stupid mistakes) after the exam, but then again, the barakah of Ramadan surpasses all hardship!

Although I had seven hours after my exam to study for next my final, my brain feels out of order. SubhanAllah, I can’t deny that this Ramadan, seeing my circumstances, does have a different type of physical hardship attached. And that just brings out more lessons.. The things we take for granted…

Me and my cousin were talking about this today, think about it, at suhoor, between one minute and the next- you are just not allowed to eat. Not because it is not available, but out of your own willpower-simply seeking the satisfaction of Allah. And the thought of cheating when nobody is looking- subhanAllah it is not something we would consider! Unthinkable! And you might be thinking, well of course we wouldn’t “cheat”.. but outside of Ramadan, and other than fasting, we do, sometimes, to a certain level “cheat” when we forget that Allah is always watching.   Sometimes, we will abuse our senses when forget that Allah is Al-Raqeeb, we do pray messy Salahs when we are not in Jama’ah (congregation), but the thing about fasting is it is concrete.  It is either you fasted or didn’t.. Of course, until you take that idea to the next level, and well, isn’t fasting the fasting of all body parts, not just of food?  But I think that is the “how Ramadan works”… because the good deeds we do are attached to something concrete (fasting), the whole month, it is as if that what helps us reflect.  It’s like, well, if I can fast even when nobody is looking, why can’t I also do all these good deeds always, even if nobody is looking?  Wallahu aalam, but this is how I see our Taqwa being built in Ramadan.  By forcing you to have taqwa in your fast, and thus, seeing if you can apply that to everything!

May this be a blessed Ramadan for everyone!
And Allah knows best.

-Written: Ramadan 2, 1431