The work itself I enjoy, but I’m worn down by a steady stream of last-minute “asks” packed with unrealistic expectations. We get them done, but there’s no time to revel in our accomplishments.

Think baking a pie and, while your hands are full pulling a hot pie out of the oven, you’re told to bake another one. A bigger one. Maybe three or ten more. Work has become a daily pie-eating contest and first prize is more PIE.

I’ve made a concerted effort to push my employees to the front. I have them lead department presentations vs. me. I can do it in my sleep but they need the experience, and the opportunity to shine. They articulate time saving tips and best practices we’ve curated together; they get the glory and I stand at the back, smiling proudly. As a leader, that’s the crux of my job: championing their development while we blow past goals.

My favorite boss had this saying on his desk, “If you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes.” True, but sometimes you have to give other pups a turn, too.

If you are a people leader, can you relate to this post? How has your leadership style changed over time?

1 ) Sweet Corn is ready, and will have a starring role in our menu this week – yum!

2 ) The past few years I’ve said “No thanks” more often than “Yes, please.” Saying “No” = “Yes” to me.

3 ) I’m in a transition phase again, example: encouraging team members to step into speaking roles meant for me. I share tips, and feedback then cluck proudly as they do well.

4 ) There’s been a round of losses in my family this summer – one Auntie, two Uncles. An unmooring feeling lingers with each passing. Uncle Mac, Mom’s “baby” brother, is one example – to me he remains forever young, hip, and handsome. A tall & lanky airline pilot; witty, adventurous, engaging ~ how / when did he get old?

5 ) Booked a trip with my sister this Fall ~ time waits for no one. Book the tickets, take the trips, and lean into real connections. Tomorrow is not promised.

And you? Care to share any randoms from your world this August?

We’re approaching the Independence Day holiday, and time to make “Strawberry Dream Cake,” recipe here: https://emjayandthem.com/2023/06/18/in-season/.

Hubbs and I are celebrating the joyful news of another grandchild coming this Fall. As much as we enjoyed raising our sons, those years flew by. Grandchildren give us the chance to savor & enjoy, and we couldn’t be happier! I’ve already bought a stroller, bouncy seat, high chair, and other items :). Hubbs tells everyone that “Nana is nesting;” he’s not wrong!

Last week I traveled out of state for a corporate conference. A full agenda resulted in 16 hour days, with limited opportunities to connect at breaks or meals. About half-way through I found myself leaning more into the relationships than the business. Multiple colleagues asked advice; some pulled me aside to share their gratitude for help or advice given. I’m considered senior staff now, and I suppose that hadn’t occurred to me before. Weird. Looking back, I have to laugh at a few quips I gave, including:

• “He’s a hunter, and views you as prey. Stop showing up as the 3 legged fawn.”
• “You’re right, but not every fight is worth fighting, pick the hill you want to die on.”
• “If you don’t want to be a doormat, get up off the floor.”
• “Celebrate what’s working & promote that – teams follow leaders, if you lead with what’s working, others will follow.”

I’m a lot like my Mom, direct and to the point. (Gee I miss her!) I can be too blunt at times, but ironically, directness seems to be exactly what is sought. (You can can find sugar-coating at a candy store.) I choose peace over proving, and no longer save space for the chaos creators.

Have you noticed a shift in how others perceive you? How did that surprise you?

Hubbs and I had 3 funerals in the past 7 days – parents of friends. 3 rounds of funeral flowers, funeral programs, and funeral lunches. 3 versions of “In the Garden,” “How Great Thou Art,” and “Amazing Grace.” In the same week, 2 Aunts on my side of the family passed away; one I wasn’t close to but the other I was, my mother’s youngest sister. Time marches on and stops for no one, right?

Canadian election tomorrow ~ will the country make a change or go for Trudeau/Carney? My guess is the latter; many seem distracted by tariff noise vs. rejecting the disastrous record and totalitarianism regime of the past 9+ years. Pray for the true North strong and free, I do.

A few months into the pandemic lockdowns, I turned off the news. I have never gone back; instead I read news via a variety of sources. Reading, without the screaming headlines and commentary, helps me to ingest the information without the system overload. Whenever someone brings up headlines or the latest in fear-mongering, I think of my dear Mom who often quipped, “It has an off button.”

Later this week I’m kicking off two – count ’em – two glorious weeks of vacation. Two weeks without projects, deadlines, conference calls or spreadsheets. I have lots of vacation time and it can be a challenge to take it, but I do. Every year! Two full weeks with more in the hopper. I’m meeting up with my sister for a nice long holiday by the ocean. We will laugh and talk, and shop and giggle; we won’t make a meal or our beds for 10 days (ok, we will make our beds b/c both of us do as soon as we get up). We will stop at flea markets and take walks along the shoreline; we will pull up a chair on a pier at night to listen to birds and surf and sea songs. We’ll pack a lunch and head up the coast on a drive to who-knows-where. We will be unencumbered by jobs, duties, kids or spouses – we will breathe and laugh and relax. When he realized I intended to be out of office/offline/out of commission (i.e. no, not reachable) for 2+ weeks my boss looked sick. I assured him the work will continue, my team is highly capable and life will go on.

I’ve loaded up my kindle for flights and layovers and for quiet mornings on our beach-view balcony. I downloaded this after watching an interview with the author – very good:

And what’s new in your world?

A few months ago, Word Press reminded me of a milestone: 14 years of blogging! (first post here!) I fell away from a regular writing habit a while back – life/work/other things/lack of interest took priority. And that’s ok. I’m at the age where I no longer “should” on myself. (Shoulda done this, shoulda done that, that’s enough of that). But still, 14 years! I’m glad I started and yes, I’ll continue but now, I’ll do it as the mood “strikes.” It struck today.

Looking around, I’ve noticed something: we (Hubbs and I) actively lean into the pause that winter brings. He’s got his sports, politics and current events – I have my work, books, and church; we both have our family, friends and other things going on to keep us as engaged as we want to be. I enjoy this leaning business and the contentment it’s brought. Having joined and becoming active in my church gave me the community I longed for. I can see now how much I missed being part of one, and how all of these experiences have rounded out the edges.

After church today, I popped a ham, a big dish of scalloped potatoes and, separately, a green bean casserole into the oven to cook slowly on a lower heat; the house is cozy, the smells amazing. Sunshine sparkles on the snowbank outside my window, and I’m right where I need to be.

This made me laugh, and I hope it does you, too. Have a great week!

1 ) I say this all the time: Michigan is a beautiful state, especially in Fall: Lesson: simple joys bring me joy!

• photo taken on one of my walks- ahh!

2 ) Funerals and food. We’ve had a run on deaths in our circle of family & friends – 14 in 15 months! Where I can, I cook. Cooking gives me something to do and and one less thing for them to do. Lesson: instead of, “Call me if you need anything” know the bereaved may be overwhelmed and have no idea what they need. Call ahead, show up, and bring food. If you’re not a cook, offer to run an errand, help with thank you cards, walk the dog, bring a restaurant gift card, etc.

• Dropped off chicken noodle soup, from-scratch rolls, & chocolate treats to a friend whose Mom had died. She’s overwhelmed with the work, plans, details, family, photos and all the “stuff.” She quietly admitted she forgets to eat. The Memorial service is later today.

3 ) My job continues at a breakneck pace; I am working Monday and then off for the Thanksgiving break. I’ve been asked by others above if I can join “this” call or “that call,” all of which occur during my scheduled time off. My response has been a polite and firm, “no.” I was forwarded documents to review and “think on” now, all of which have deadlines after I return. I’m not doing any of it; they can figure it out, or not, but I’m taking the break. Lesson reinforced, “If you don’t care to be a doormat, get up off the floor.”

• Say it loudly for those in the back!

4 ) Books – recently I slogged through a complicated & insightful medical-based book — it was full of great information, I learned a lot, but I didn’t enjoy it. Lesson reinforced: I read for pleasure. This week, I tore through this, and it was just so well-done!

• Delicious, intriguing, historical fiction.

5 ) Christmas is coming: I’ve taken in a few Holiday craft fairs, and we’re talking through family plans. Our sons & their girls all have careers and commitments and schedules: finding a date that works for all can be challenging. We’ll figure it out. My team and I have a huge (work) project looming which may or may not start mid-December, and if it does, that will probably shift my time off. Lesson learned: enjoy what I have and let go of the rest.

• “Gnome for the Holidays” – a fun wreath from a local craft fair. $7 of fun!

What simple joys and random lessons have you encountered recently?

Summer lingers, but it’s mostly on its way out; I’ve made it to the big Lake once, and after hauling my chair, cooler, towels and self to the waters’ edge, the sky opened and rained us out. We packed up and went for iced cream, what else can you do? It wasn’t what we planned, but it was still fun.

Kids are back in school, Halloween candy is on store shelves and soon, pumpkin spiced everything will be upon us. Is it just me or do our seasons feel rushed, and difficult to hold on to?

Yesterday I felt a blanket of fatigue come over me. I know what this is: the rush-rush-rush of my job. Closing the blinds and turning on the fan, I nearly leapt into bed for a “short” nap. 90 minutes later I stretched awake, feeling refreshed, my body smiling in relief. Yes there’s the transition of seasons happening now but I recognize this: it’s years of high stress and endless deadlines, unrealistic expectations and hamster wheels that never stop. It’s not going to change, I know that, so the lesson that comes for me again is in how I change, how I manage, how I cope.

• Friday I said, “no, we can’t take that on, too.” Surprisingly, alternate arrangements were made. Hmm.
• I stopped giving up my weekends. Yes I’ll work late or over a weekend when a project requires it, but no longer because someone disorganized expects me to save them, yet again.
• I’ve joined a church and attend weekly; starting my week and day in prayer feeds my soul.
• Regular walks and daily reading move my body and stretch my mind.
• Rest days are woven in; yesterday was one of them. No guilt.
• Silence ~ being on/in meetings most of every work day, my ears ring from the noise; quiet is healing for me.

Do you feel the seasons changing where you are? What changes does this prompt in you?

1 ) Pace cars vs. Packs: At work, each team is given metrics we’re measured against and my team &I are in the lead. Why? I’d rather be the pace car than the pack, choking down fumes. Zoom Zoom!

2 ) Throwbacks: Sorting through old photos, I came across this ’90s gem, taken on a camera using real film:

3 ) Ch-ch-changes: Several of my long-term colleagues recently retired or otherwise left the company; it’s weird to be one of the “last men standing,” (ahem, women). I do think about retirement, as it’s coming sooner than not; I view (and hope) retirement will be an extension of my weekends – daily walks, daily reading, cooking, Church, time with Hubbs, kids/grands, friends, and pets – and free time to pursue interests I’ve not had time for. I’ve had a wonderful career and many adventures, and am thankful for all of it. But there are also parts I can’t wait to leave behind (calls, video calls, and more calls, blah).

4 ) Grown-up stuff – This week, Hubbs & I formalized – and paid for – our funerals. Just typing that is sobering. Here’s the thing: he’s retired, I’m working, so why not lock in costs now? So we did. What’s not surprising is this: while we grew up in two different countries, we share the same values. We both chose cremation, a time of visitation, a Church funeral with a “church lady” luncheon after. We own a plot in the family cemetery that the two of us will share when the time comes. One less thing for our boys to worry about; pre-planning can help eliminate confusion and strife while grieving. And, surprisingly, neither of us were creeped out by the action; instead we feel relief.

5 ) Keep it coming, Love: Finally, at the top of my walking playlist is this song, “Keep it coming, Love” by K.C. and the Sunshine band. It’s a fun, fast-paced song that I walk briskly to. I’m sure I get some looks as I saunter along but who cares? So fun! We saw them in concert years ago; I never sat down once. Whee!

And how was your week? Any ch-ch-changes coming your way?

1 ) I took today off & the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” resonates. We deserve to be filled the same way we pour. I’m drinking coffee, meeting a friend for lunch, and NOT joining any calls – whee!

2 ) Summer is half over and hints of Fall are in the air – turning of leaves, crisping of grass in the summer sun. I don’t wish Summer away but I long for the sights, smells and colors of my favorite season, Fall.

3 ) Every 3 -5 years, we endure a company re-org, and we’re enduring one again. People leaving, people joining, positions added, positions eliminated. I navigate the ebbs & flows, and do my best to hang on to see the other side.

4 ) Yesterday I drove 3 hours each way for a 1 hour meeting – the meeting was productive, but my playlist made for a jammin’ drive!

5 ) Speaking of playlists, check out “Didn’t it Rain” –1964 Gospel blues from Sister Rosetta Tharpe.

And how was your week?

In 2008, Freakonomics asked readers for a new six-word motto for the USA. Their readers chose: “Our Worst Critics Prefer to Stay.” Now more than ever, notice no one is making a move for the door? 

Enjoy the sweet harmonies of the Gaither Vocal Band singing, “America, the Beautiful.” And Happy Independence Day from this grateful citizen!