Edenbound

Well, my break was much longer than I had anticipated.  Many things have happened since my last post.  One being that I am now working regularly.  I have a part time job at a local hospital.  For those of you who really know me, you know that I have always planned on writing a book some day.  I never knew what it would be about because I have so much material just from my life that I didn't know how I would "drill it down" to something specific.  I now know what my first book is to be about.  I plan to start writing it this year, so for that reason I am going to say "Good bye" to blogging for now.

Just wanted to let those of you who actually enjoy reading my blog know that I have not disappeared again.  Between dealing with a family issue & fighting off bronchitis, I haven't had a chance to blog the last couple of weeks.  No worries though, I have plenty to write about & hope to be back at it sometime this week.

For several days now it's been on my heart to write about suicide so it didn't surprise me when I learned that September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.  It's not the easiest thing to write or read about.  I don't know if you have ever been affected by a love one taking there own life but if you have, I am so sorry.  Unfortunately, I know all too well the pain that is left after a loved one takes their own life.

When I was a teenager, I had two friends commit suicide five months apart.  Years later, my mom's last boyfriend committed suicide.  A couple years after that, a child hood friend committed suicide as well.  This year alone, I have had one church friend & two family members commit suicide.

No death is easy to process but death by suicide is even more difficult for many reasons.  It's hard because of the why's & why not's that are left unanswered.  It's hard because of the guilt you may be feeling or have felt, that you should have known that the person was crying out for help or even worse, that you may have said or done something to "push them over the edge" & caused them to do it.  The thoughts & unanswered questions can be so overwhelming that you yourself go on a downward spiral.

And if that isn't enough...most people touched by suicide have to deal for themselves or from others, the question, "Do people who commit suicide go to heaven?"    I am amazed by people who very admantly believe & say "that no one who commits suicide goes to heaven".  I honestly don't understand how they can say that.  The Bible doesn't say that.  They then justify their answer that they don't go to heaven because taking your own life is a sin & they are sinning & then dying without confessing & repenting of their sin.

I don't know about you but I know there are times when I sin & haven't confessed & repented of the sin but I don't die.  What happens if the day comes & I'm in that situation & I do die?  Are you saying that as a believer I'm not going to heaven because I sinned but didn't confess & repent before I died in a car wreck or whatever the situation was?  I don't believe that is Biblical.

If you are struggling with this, or with any aspect of suicide, I encourage you to watch the webcast that my senior pastor did on the subject.  You can go to www.redeemerchurch.org & click onto webcasts, then click on Pastor Tom, & then Suicide.

For those of you who are struggling with the death of a loved one by suicide or are contemplating suicide yourself, I beg you to get help.  Please tell some one.  Do not listen to the lies of the enemy that whisper into your ears that, "no one cares", "it's hopeless", "you're worthless."  They are lies...straight from the pit of hell! 

God says, "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one & only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16
"I praise you because I am fearfully & wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  Psalm 139:14-16

The following is a song written on a true story of a man that was about to kill himself & then he heard a Third Day song on the radio that gave him hope & he ended up not doing it.  I hope this song gives you hope.

Now typically we don't think of Job & Rahab at the same time.    One reason is time.  There is approx. 400-600 years between the time of Rahab & the time of Job.  The second, & probably most prominent reason is their social standing.

The Bible tells us that Job was a righteous man.  He tried to live for the Lord in every area of his life.  He was well known & respected in the community.  He was a wealthy land & livestock owner.
The Bible tells us that Rahab was a prostitute.  She lived on the fringe of society, one step away from total rejection.

Job & Rahab seem to have nothing in common but if you look closer, you will find out that they do.  They are both noted for their faith & they both were the object of scorn.  Although Job had went through tremendous trials, did not understand why he suffered so & questioned God about it, & wanted to die, he did not doubt who God is. 

Rahab is one of only two women listed in the "Hall of Faith" in Hebrews 11.  "It was by faith that Rahab the prostitute was not destroyed with the people in her city who refused to obey God.  For she had given a friendly welcome to the spies."  Hebrews 11:31 NLT

Although Job & Rahab's lives were vastly different, God worked through both of them.  God works through people, even people like Rahab that we tend to reject.  God remembered Rahab because of her faith, not her profession.  If you are feeling like you are a failure or are not good enough, remember that both Job & Rahab rose above their situations through their faith in God & so can you!

December 23, 2012 will mark the 2nd year anniversary of my Christmas miracle.  Many of you know about it but not all of you know the details.  I was pretty much speechless at the beginning & that's why I did not write about it.  Then as time went on, I cherished it in my heart but still was not able to form words in print.  I could talk about it but not write it.  I'm not sure what caused the "writer's block" but I did not press the issue.

Now as the 2nd year anniversary approaches, I am compelled to write.  It's not an easy task because of the emotional weight it carries as well as the sensitivity that needs to be expressed to those involved.  One day I will write a book about my childhood.  I will not write it to point blame or shame to others but to give glory to God.  I will write it to share my testimony of how God can use many "messed up" situations for His glory.

One of the "messed up" situations was the relationship between my father & I.  My parents divorced when I was very young.  I was raised by my mother & had minimal contact with my father from year to year.  I graduated from high school & began attending a college in the city that my Dad lived in. I was hoping & praying that this would be the start of a better relationship.  I was wrong...very wrong.  What resulted was a 22 year period of no contact from my Dad.  That in itself could be a book.

Fast forward to 22 years later to December 15th, 2010.  I woke up that day feeling awful.  Not physically but emotionally & mentally.  It's a feeling that haunted me all day.  It was my Dad's 70th birthday & I had no idea if he was dead or alive.  The hope of us ever reconciling on this side of heaven was fading fast & I found it almost unbearable.  As I cried out to the Lord for relief, I heard him say, "Try to contact him one more time."  I was taken back by his response.  I was thinking, "Why?  He's not responded in all these years.  Why should I think he would respond now?"  Again I heard him say, "Try to contact him one more time."

I dabbed away the tears & with determined resolved set out trying to find out where he lived.  After a couple of hours on the computer, I had a current address & some other information.  Now I could proceed but I had no idea what to say or how to say it.  I prayed to Jesus to help me.  I then did what I felt he was leading me to do which was to send him a package which contained a Christmas letter with a sentence or two hand written from me, some pictures, & a box of chocolates.  I went to the post office & mailed the package.  For some reason, from the moment that I dropped it into the slot, I knew I was going to get a response this time.  But the response I was expecting, was not the response I got.  I was expecting a call from my Dad saying that he was 70 years old now & it had been too long & to let it go....click.

For 22 years I had prayed many things.  First & foremost, that I would forgive & not let bitterness & anger grow in my heart.  Second, I prayed that my Dad would come to know the Lord & third, I prayed that we would be reconciled if not on earth, in heaven.  God's answers to those prayers came full cirlce on December 23rd, 2010 when my phone rang around 1:30pm.  I will never forget that call.

I looked down at my phone to see an unfamiliar number with no name listed.  I immediately recognized the area code as being the same area code as my Dad's.  This was it!  The moment of truth.  I took a deep breath & then answered the phone.  I was totally surprised when I said, "Hello," & a woman's voice replied.  I then learned that the woman was my Dad's "companion of 11 years" as she put it, & who is now my step mom.  After her & I talked for awhile, my Dad got on the phone.  To this today it's still surreal when I think about it.  It definitely wasn't your typical conversation between a father & his daughter, but it was heavenly to me.

That call was a road to recovery & to a restored relationship, neither of which would have been possible without God.  You see, the first two things I prayed for, especially the first one, was essential in what happened.  If I would have had even an ounce of bitterness or unforgiveness in me regarding our situation, the restoration would not have happened.  The reconciliation could have, but not true restoration.  The second thing, my Dad knowing the Lord, made the reconciliation & restoration so much sweeter!  He is not the same Dad & I thank God for that!

Now as my Dad approaches his 72nd birthday I am reminded that our time together is short.  I don't know how much more time we will have together, but I know this....I am thankful for every minute of it....and I love him very much!

Once again I've been disobiedent. It's been almost a year since my last post although God has told me to write. I've used all kinds of excuses such as I'm busy raising 4 young children, I've been learning from others as I grow in my walk with the Lord as well as mentoring others to do the same, & last but certainly not least, I experienced the death of 10 loved ones in a five month period. So as I come out of the ashes of the past year, still hurting & healing at the same time, I come out stronger in some aspects & gentler in others. I come out determined to do things right while at the same time allowing grace to cover my many mistakes. I come out with new energy in some areas & exhaustion in others. I come out with a stronger love & commitment, but also a strong restlessness & yearning to do all that God has created me to be. I feel the pull of others all around me while I constantly want to push beyond the limitations that they set upon me. I want to go north while others around me want to go south. I want Italian Creme when everyone else is ordering chocolate. I want to be different & normal at the same time. And after a long time away...I want to write!

So I woke up at 3:11am this morning & felt prompted to get out of bed & read my Bible. I immediately went to 2 Kings 2 which is where Elijah is taken up to heaven & Elisha's solo ministry begins.

Now I personally know why I am suppose to be studying the ministry of Elijah & Elisha now so it was not surprising to me why I ended up reading this. What did surprise me is some things that I haven't "caught" before when reading the same passages such as 2 Kings 2:23-24 NLT which states: "Elisha left Jericho & went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, a group of boys from the town began mocking & making fun of him. "Go away, baldy!" they chanted. "Go away baldy!" Elisha turned around & looked at them, & he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods & mauled forty-two of them."

I don't know about you but I thought that was just plain weird! Then I read my footnote for those two verses & it helped put things into perspective for me. This comes from the Life Application Study Bible, NLT.

"This group of boys was from Bethel, the religious center of idolatry in the northern kingdom, & they probably were warning Elisha not to speak against their immorality as Elijah had done. They were not merely teasing Elisha about his baldness, but showing severe disrespect for Elisha's message & God's power. They may have also jeered because of their disbelief in the chariot of fire that had taken Elijah. When Elisha cursed them, he did not call out the bears himself. God sent them as a judgement for their callous unbelief.

These young men mocked God's messenger & paid for it with their lives. Making fun of religious leaders has been a popular sport through the ages. To take a stand for God is to be different from the world & vunerable to verbal abuse. When we are cynical & sarcastic toward religious leaders, we are in danger of mocking not just the person but also the spiritual message. While we are not to condone the sin that some leaders commit, we need to pray for them, not laugh at them. True leaders, those who follow God, need to be heard with respect & encouraged in their ministry."

How Easy to Judge!
One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. Romans 14:5
Recommended Reading: Romans 14:1-13

When Charles E. Fuller helped pioneer the ministry of radio evangelism in the 1920s, a fellow clergyman denounced him. Satan is the prince of the power of the air, said the man; so how can Christians have anything to do with the airwaves? Furthermore, claimed the critic, radio would "give one preacher too much prominence," would be too "costly," and would develop a "stay-at-home" attitude among believers.

How easy it often is to judge! We'd have a less critical spirit and fewer "church fights" if we better understood Romans 14. Here the apostle Paul tells us that while we must be adamant about the fundamental truths of the Christian faith, we should have maturity when it comes to non-essential matters. The Bible's rule is: "Let each be fully convinced in his own mind" (Romans 14:5). After all, Paul asked bluntly, "Who are you to judge another's servant?" (verse 4).

Our core beliefs are unshakable and unchanging. But on secondary issues, there's greater liberty for a variety of opinions. Think about this: If we all agree on everything, we double our chances of being wrong.

"If two people agree about everything, one of them is unnecessary."Ruth Bell Graham

After I read the above devotion by Dr. David Jeremiah I was thinking about some of the petty things that people in the church argue or disagree about. Things like if you sit too much, stand too much, too much up & down, wearing hats, dressing up, dressing down, if SS is before or after church, the list goes on & on. I mean seriously, in the "big picture of things" does it really matter? Hopefully many of you will say, "No" they don't & we shouldn't get hung up on those things, but unfortunately it is often things like these that divide the church.

Then I thought about this outside of the church. Think about the small things at home that really get to us like a spouse or child not closing cabinet doors, leaving towels on the floor, not putting shoes away, the list goes on & on. Truth is, these things don't really "matter" in our relationships or how that person provides & takes care of the family, or if the child grows up to be a teacher, nurse, or engineer. If you are a type A, anal person like myself, it is no easy task not to take those things to heart even though deep down I know it really doesn't matter. So I need to remind myself to look at the person & their good qualities, not the mess or disorganization & be very thankful to God for allowing them to be a part of my life.