Gofundme Link
We’re praying for one!

I don’t really do this, but hopefully this blog post would gather some attention and help for this little 17-month old girl. She’s been battling for her life ever since she was born.

For whatever it’s worth, I play my small part in the world by donating to charities, but I’d like to ask anyone who would stumble on to this post to send some help (again, details in the link above). I’m sure they will be grateful to your contribution, no matter what it will be.

The page’s description:

17-month old Maya is a brave little fighter who has fought for her life since Day 1. After overcoming the odds of her premature birth and fighting off infections that resulted from it, she was finally able to go home after several weeks in the NICU. In the next few months, Maya steadily caught up to every developmental milestone, and her parents, Abbie and Chico, celebrated each little victory with their little warrior.
But it all came to a halt on September 2015, when Maya, then only 7 months old, started having bleeding episodes–vomiting and pooping significant amount of blood without warning. The initial diagnosis was cow’s milk allergy, but even with both Abbie and Maya being put on a strict hypoallergenic diet, the bleeding episodes continued. 

This June, Maya was finally old enough and big enough to undergo esophagogastroduodenoscopy. The result showed that she is suffering from multiple esophageal and gastric varices because of extrahepatic portal hypertension and portal hypertensive gastropathy, secondary to portal vein thrombosis. In ordinary speak, a clot or scar in her portal vein, the largest vein in the body that is responsible for transporting blood in the portal area (liver, to be precise), causes high blood pressure in the area.

All treatment options come with significant risk to a child as young and as little as Maya. Aside from that, the financial aspect of the treatment poses as a challenge for the family as the frequent trips to the hospital the past year have taken their toll on their savings.

We created this page to humbly ask for any help and support that you or someone you know can extend to Maya and her family. And most importantly, we ask for your prayers.

Why?

Here’s what I think: During my elementary to high school life, since my birthday falls on June, not a lot greet me because 1) I’m not a known guy in school; 2) If ever I was, I didn’t have a lot of close friends; and 3) if ever I did, the first week of school usually fall on June – hardly anyone really knew anyone in the classroom.

What do I do during my birthday though?

Whenever anyone asks me what I want, as far as I could remember, I’ve always wanted to just eat good food. Maybe I’m a little too picky, that if ever I wanted to receive anything, it should be something I really loved, else I can’t really fake a “thank you, I love the gift!” I’m not a very convincing liar.

My birthdays nowadays are still usually spent just eating. If I wanted anything, I’ll just go get it myself. I still prefer to just eat good food, which on this year’s birthday, I went out to eat at Banri Noodle House – I still prefer their Ramen over any other Japanese Restaurant pending other suggestions.

Who did I greet on my birthday?

My parents. After my mom greeted me, I replied a hearty message for both her and my dad. I told them that the day was for them. I thanked mama for squeezing me out, and to both of them for raising me to be who I am right now. I am a good[citation needed] member of society, I’m not batshit insane, and I function properly (albeit a little awkward) around people.

I think that’s how it should be though. My birthdays never should be about me. During my early years, I didn’t do anything to survive revolutions around the sun. My parents did all the work to keep my alive and well. They put up with my mischievous childhood and my failures, and my damn sickly health. I got hit by a car on my 5th year, suffered a fractured skull, a broken wrist, and I’m sure my parents spent a lot to just help me survive. They taught me values of how to treat other people, to be respectful and kind.

My birthdays are anniversaries – annual reminders of my parents’ hard work in rearing a crazy, spontaneous, headstrong oaf.

Happy Birthday to you, Mama and Papa. You guys are great! I hope to make you proud! I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me.

I have now come to believe that I can do anything as long as I put my mind and heart to it. However, there are things I just can NOT do even if I tried.

  1. Make hands meet at back

To be specific, it’s when my right is below my shoulder, and my left above. They just won’t reach. Four inches apart is the nearest my fingers can actually go. My instructor once told me to do stretching on my right shoulder for 10 minutes every morning, and even after 2 months of doing so, there were no improvements. And on those 2 months, my right shoulder was a little weaker than usual with some muscle tears. So, that is one of my more recent disappointing realizations.

2. Spit

When we catch a respiratory infection, be it as common as a cold or as bad as tonsillitis, mucus build up in our lungs and sinuses. Mind you though, I am an expert in nasal expulsion of multi-colored mucus. However, I just cannot spit it out. My success rate is exactly 13%; the rest of my attempts are just me gagging with vomit-like coughs, spitting out nothing. You know what happens after that? That’s right, it just slides down.

Did I gross you out? All right!

I am secretly jealous of those who can make a good-sounding, hearty accumulation of sputum, and expel it like gum. I’m in my 30s and I’m still practicing something that I should have mastered as an art when I was a child. I fail in that department, and I’d like to apologize to my body.

3. Synchronize hands and mouth

I can play the piano and the guitar, but my skill is limited: I can neither read notes nor chords, but I play by eyes. I watch how the hands pluck, strum, finger, and work from there. I am not sure if that is the cause why I can’t sing along, but when I do start, my hands lose the sequence. I try and shift my concentration on timing the instrument, but then I realize that I’ve stopped singing.

It’s a cruel loop. Though I understand that this only needs practice, I just think my body was made for muscle memory. Similar to dancing, I can’t make steps on-the-fly, but my body can pretty much move well enough to learn new ones.

4. Cross my toes

I can’t, for the life of me, cross my toes, mostly the big toe with the toe next to it (the pointer toe?). I think mine is a bone structure limitation rather than muscle, but I’ve given up trying. I will stop discussing about this. It frustrates me horribly.

I’ve accepted the fact that I am less of a human for having an inflexible right shoulder, lack in coordination with both my hands and mouth, limited toe movement, and practically unable to spit at any of these imperfections.

Usually I’d end on a high note, leaving hope for myself mostly, but for this article, I’ll leave this as is. I think it’s healthy to realize that we are, in fact, imperfect.

I’m interested to know though: How about you? What can’t you do?

Television

Ever since I’ve moved out from my family, I haven’t really found the need for television because 1) I didn’t start with an amazing salary to buy my own, and 2) actually the salary was pretty okay, but I just didn’t bother. Bottom line: I didn’t bother 10 years and counting.

Chances are, whenever I hold the remote, I just flip to Cartoon Network and ignore the rest of the world. I often hear my dad banter that his 30-plus-year-old son still watches cartoons with his mouth open. I laugh, close my mouth, and just continue watching. I can’t really make out what he says over all the Tom and Jerry reruns.

News

I got over the news a little later. I used to live in a room with an active member of society and when there’s a chance, he’d share about current happenings, and here was Andrew caring, optimistic that world peace was attainable. When he moved out, my care for the world continued thanks to the power of facebook – slacktivism was a thing for me.

Mistakes are truly the best teachers. I realized that engaging in online arguments, signing online petitions, or sharing posts for awareness hardly make any impact no matter how ingeniously written they were. I stopped.

Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Pretty much News today make me lose faith in humanity. Sometimes gems come up, but those that catch attention and bring in views are those that are generally bad news so they keep it with just that. Being separated from it has made me see the world around me without the influence of “analysts”. I’ll probably write about this on a different article.

Social Media (specifically facebook)

I deactivated my account on 2013 and have been free from the spread of misguided information, the spams, and the pressure of maintaining a reputation. I found it hard at first. I would look for ways to login back to facebook. Deactivation was just another way of logging out. Still though, after about a couple of months rehabilitating myself, I grew detached.

Truly, among the others, this was the greatest. Pretty much now I live my life knowing no one knows where I am, how I look, what I’m doing, unless someone really cares – which now makes me conclude that NOBODY CARES. I’d like to say “I’m kidding”, but not really.

Maybe it’s because communication and maintaining connections has gone down, nobody calls, or texts, or bothers to find out if I’m still alive and well. I say this as an observer. It’s lonely, but it’s better than dealing with insignificant drama from someone-I-might-have-made-eye-contact-with-and-somehow-found-me-on-facebook-and-now-I’m-too-conscience-driven-to-unfriend.

My point being that I hardly know anything happening in the world, and it’s liberating!

How I keep myself updated

Sometimes the only way I find out anything is happening is when somebody brings it up over lunch or dinner at work, and even then, I still don’t give a crap. Those running for president? I AM SO HAPPY I DON’T HAVE A TV! I don’t have to watch any cancer-inducing campaigns, or read the fear-driving papers.

Though I feel heavy for finding out about crimes, catastrophes, deaths, and wars, it’s just that I am powerless to do anything about those, and I have only enough in me to take care of myself and my surrounding, immediate friends and relatives. I’ll listen to problems; I’ll call when I find out someone’s going through tough times; I’ll text when I miss someone; Pretty much I’m doing what I know is best: and that is to reach out to those I can immediately touch.

What I’ve become

Social media dampened my relationships with others. It made touching others’ lives less meaningful. It made me complacent that people are just an internet message away. I still cared for others while I was online, but I think because I’m too frank, I often seem intrusive, and for that I apologize.

I still attempt to cheer people up with my posts on Instagram, but right now, I’m losing sight of it again. The need for social acceptance online is just not selling well for me now, but we’ll see. We’ll see.

(deactivates Instagram account :P)

Personally, I keep it open. For one thing, living and sharing toilets with my family; then 21 years later sharing with housemates for almost a decade, a closed toilet seat is just a shock waiting to happen. Sometimes particles of war are left, a lingering foreign smell, or just outright unflushed disaster. I play lotto every time I open one, and more often than not I win the jackpot. I prefer to leave it open to “air out” the funk whilst I busy myself with whatever else. I prefer it open so a surprise won’t jump up on me – At least I’d see it just as it happens.

Perhaps some toilet ethics were missed, but I’m not here to discuss about hygiene and how my life is just so much surprise-free now that I’m living alone. I’m here to discuss about what happened this morning when I was taking a bath.

You know how sometimes the bar soap just hits a dry or hairy part of your body – and your hand still moving the same direction – it just slips off and goes on a murderous flight to hit your face, stub your toe, or just, you know, fall? You know what I mean right? I’m just saying that it happened this morning: It missed my face, hit the wall, and plopped right in the toilet. That bar of soap just reached it’s weeksary.

What a waste! Get it? What a waste!

Goodbye soap. You will be missed.

That’s it.

PS: Happy New Year!

Oh yeah~! 9 years!

I was at the bank, applying to access my account online, when I was told for the first time “Why not get a credit card, sir?” The banks usual marketing style is somewhere along the lines of “money during emergencies” and that “you can just not use it anyway”.

First-time users have to deal with the problem of balancing between how much they earn, how much they can spend, and how much they can borrow – forgetting that borrowing is similar to spending. However still, because banks can accept staggered payment, your purchasing power is not as heavy as paying for the everything at once. Virtually, if we use our credit card within our means and we pay full every month, we’re okay.

My First Purchase

Back in 2006, I bought a pair of shoes. It was about a third of my salary, and because I couldn’t afford to pay in full, I opted to use my credit card. More info here.

I felt like I still had some cash with me; as if I got the shoes for free. So I went on an impulsive buying rage and a cash advance, and thus started my life of debt, pretty much known as “normal”. Hey everyone’s doing it!

How long was I in debt?

There’s no end to it. Until now, I am still in debt. I still make purchases through my credit card when making transactions online i.e. book flights, pay for Steam Games, book hotels, buy from e-bay, etc.

I had 3 credit cards when I started. Two Visas and a Mastercard. Worst. Decision. Ever.

The Paradox

The “emergency” method they use for marketing? It’s bullshit. They employ this strategy so anyone who can make a sucker apply for a credit card can get a commission. They only sell you the illusion that emergencies are its sole purpose and plant you the fear that it can happen anytime. They don’t detail you the fine print agreement you’re signing your life to. Much like some insurance company ploys.

“What happened, you lovable oaf,” you ask?

Oh, stop it you.

I’ve gotten into a temporary emergency for a couple of months wherein I’ve insofar only missed one payment, and the 2nd due date was closing in. During that time, my cash on hand was about pocket size, and had to depend on freebies to get through the day. I couldn’t do anything mainly because the bank fucking SUSPENDED my account for missing that one month.

In my whole history, I’ve paid every month, and had very good credit history. Now that this “emergency” had happened, they suspend my account. The history didn’t matter! It probably only affected how the collections agents would talk to me. They weren’t in any way threatening, but any calls to their hotline yielded nothing but reminders that I have to pay or else I get a bad credit record.

I still lose, though

Even with this paradox, it’s only a paradox on its strategy to sell. I’m just one of those suckers who said yes believing that I’ll only use it during emergencies. I agreed to their terms by signing the contract and not finding out the details. In my head there was only one purpose.

Why do I still have the credit card?

Even though I know this had a large negative impact in my life, I am still keeping it for its convenience. Though I can make purchases through my debit card, or pay over-the-counter at a bank, I have in my mind the thoughts of “emergencies” and “convenience.” They’re engraved to my head like inscriptions are to the Ring of Power.

Am I recommending you get a credit card?

Remember that CREDIT means that you make a purchase with the promise to pay in the future. Banks require you to present factual information to prove that you are capable of paying them so that you can use their money. They’re allowing you to make mini-loans.

In truth, I’d recommend that you don’t. It just adds to the hassle. However, in essence, you CAN use it for an emergency, but that’s not the whole shebang. Your life will get harder with it, and will only provide you temporary relief.

If you are sure you can uphold the promise to pay, then I’m not going to stop you. Go for it. Just please don’t get suckered into any of their strategies. Get a credit card only because you need it.

I’m a noob in this, and I’m still learning along the way. If you have any similar experiences or would like to share your views, there’s a comment section below.

My Memory Tells Me

I remember having this song on my phone as a ring tone. I shared it with my brothers, my friends, I saved it on our computer and on my old MP3 player. The phone, the computer, and the mp3 player are all gone either by getting lost or destroyed. I remember I got it from a friend: Achiabs, but I remember I asked her before but she can’t remember.

I acquired this song around 2007.

The Song

It’s an A Capella parody of the Star Wars – The Imperial March, Darth Vader’s theme.

Bum bum bum bububububum (beat of Imperial March bass)

Buy stuff, buy stuff
Buy stuff from deviantArt
Buy stuff, buy stuff
Buy stuff from deviantArt

Look at the shop button!
It’s so cool and I love it!
It’s so amazing
and it has color too!

That’s all

… I can remember only that much. I still pray that I can find an MP3 for this song. For anyone who would stumble upon this post, and have an idea of this song, please tell me.

Thank you!

PS:
I am a member of deviantArt, but this is not an advertisement of any sort. I am genuinely searching for this song.

After about a month, she stopped sending emails. Though I have not sent her any reply of appreciation, I would really like to thank her for those few emails. They helped form how I see life today, and they were the best ones I’ve received from anyone. I’d like to share this one that I’ve just picked up recently. It’s about The Art Of Contentment. I don’t know who wrote this, but I’m sure it’ll help you out too.

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The Art of Contentment

For most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. This is the best place to practice the art of contentment. Someday, I’m sure most of us will fall in love and get married. But the thing is, love will always be tested. Someone more handsome, beautiful, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter would come along. If you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one.

Practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad, you’re willing to see it through. It means you don’t walk away everytime things get tough because it builds in you patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different virtues that people in a hurry will never have. Being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend with your chosen one.

The art of contentment means you wouldn’t mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter.

A Time to Know Yourself Better

Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interest and passions without having to ask another person’s approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more than what you expect to be. Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you’re still romantically unattached. It’s all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone. Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. To be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are. How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don’t know who and what you really are?

A Choice Between Good and Best

Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it’s between good and best. Treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. Sometimes, you won’t hear music, or feel magic to know who’s best for you. The heart just knows and it doesn’t need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. Trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you. Being single is a phase of life that we need to be thankful for, because being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.

Take your time, the world will wait. Being married doesn’t guarantee that it will make your life happy. It doesn’t guarantee anything at all. Sometimes, it only brings two miserable people together only to make their life even more miserable. Without the right intention, the emotional maturity, financial security and of course, unwavering love, you’re better off unattached.

Living Life

Don’t put your life on hold for Mr. and Mrs. Right but don’t let it waste away with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong. Life is about things that you do and happen to you everyday. It’s not about the things that could have happened but never did, or things that you think would happen in the future. Live life now. Live it to the fullest and stop beating yourself up, trying to be perfect on a Saturday night date. Allow life to surprise you with its most wonderful blessings. Expect the unexpected.

This song, the lyrics in the beginning, they express how I feel right now. I wish I had told him everything I wanted to say, but I know that he’s somewhere safe, and I just hope that I’ll be able to see him again. All I have to do now is to live on, and not let him down.

I won’t be afraid.
I’ll be all right if you help me.
I know you’re looking down from Heaven.
And I won’t let you down.
I’ll be everything you taught me.
And all that I know is that I’ll wait
patiently to see you in Heaven.

The slow start, the strong ending, it’s just so perfect on how it captures how similar we all go through during someone’s passing.

Sorry, Kuya. I never told you everything I wanted to say. You were a father and friend to me.

How do I look from up there?

I am a Filipino, but for the life of me, I am unable to write in the vernacular. I find it easier to express myself in English. But please don’t get me wrong, I consider Tagalog and Bisaya very poetic, and using them on a daily basis to express random nothings and outpouring of emotions is an art. Unfortunately though, when I use it to write, I fall short and feel like I bring it to shame. I’ve tried! Buuuut, the effect and the release of creative juices is just not as fulfilling as when I would speak in English.

I grew up having English, Tagalog, and Bisaya as my first language – at the same time! Seriously! As a kid, I had the hardest time expressing myself. For me, there was no distinction of language, just a medium wherewith I can express myself. When I wanted to say something, I say it, I don’t care if you don’t understand me. When someone speaks to me, I’ll understand, but I’ll reply with taglishaya. So I usually get these weird awkward pauses of people squinting their eyes trying to parse every word I am saying.

Learning the distinctions

When I started schooling in Ateneo de Davao University, we were taught to speak in English fluently. I grew accustomed to it easily, and then started thinking there are two languages in the world: (1) English and (2) Tagalog; English being the more prominent language. My “Tagalog” then sucked because it was garnished with Bisaya. I’d say things like “Parati ka lagi <gumaganyan>..” or “Mao yan!” or “Ano gani yun?” and like I was before, I didn’t care, I’ll just talk.

I carried English and Tagalog-Bisaya until I reached College. Although that was the time when I was exposed to Bisaya more, I still could not distinguish between the two dialects! And being in an English-speaking school, my English was honed, but my Tagalog-Bisaya worsened! I learned more Bisaya words I could mix with my Tagalog and made it sound even funnier.

To think that I only learned to distinguish the two dialects FULLY when I started working in Cebu. My Bisaya was so ugly that I remember one of the taxi drivers asking me “Dili ka taga diri no?” (You’re not from here, huh?) And I remember a time my officemate was jealous of some fortune I had, and in teasing I asked her “naibog ka no?”

She screamed “YUCK!!”

Why?

In Davao, “ibog” is used like “inggit” or envy, but in Cebu, it’s like asking “you have a crush on me, don’t you?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! That was embarrassing…

My Bisaya has improved

Today, my Bisaya is a LOT better. So much better that one time when we were walking to wherever, and I pointed out a shortcut and a direction, one of my friends said, “Mura na jud ka’g taga-Cebu, Dru. Dili na nako mailhan nga Taga-Davao imong Bisaya.” which meant, “It’s like you’re a native of Cebu! I can no longer tell if your Bisaya was from Davao.”

Nowadays, when I hear my family using it, I can hear distinct errors in their accent and sometimes find it “painful” to hear. I kind of think that’s how I sounded too. But even as I am now, I’m unable to write to give my cultural dialects justice.

Nakakahiya ang Tagalog ko

There was also one time when I was in Luzon, and we were looking for a venue we could rent. When we met with the owner of a particular place, and I wanted to strike a conversation, or possibly even haggle for a lower price. My friend grabbed my shoulder and said, “Wag ka nang magsalita. Nakakahiya ang Tagalog mo.” (Don’t say anything. Your Tagalog is embarrassing.)

HAHAHAHA!

I wasn’t offended in any way! My Tagalog is crooked, and I can’t pronounce some words right. And what he said was true, I think I should practice it more often.

A certain level of intellect to understand me

Another situation and this happened recently: I was sharing with a close friend about my experiences in America, and I told her, “I never imagined that I would fall in love with the youth there.” Then she said, “I kinda expected that. You kinda need a certain level of intellect to be understood.”

It was a nice thing to say, actually! I never knew that she read right through me, but I also kind of felt bad because I pride myself with being able to mingle with myriad kinds of people. But yeah, in my entirety, I play with words a lot, am corny and very sarcastic – maybe sometimes people can’t really stomach such low forms of wit.

My English is too formal (Read: old)

Well, an example would be that I’d use “Film showing” over “Movie time”. I use the term a lot, but once when I was texting with a friend and I used it, and the reply came as “Film showing? Again so formal! Just say movie time or watch movies! Film is so 1920! You old person!”

But I don’t know! I was taught to speak in formal English for majority of my life, using idioms, bantering and all. I don’t think I’ll be changing too quickly to adapt to a more casual way of talking, but hey! I’m open to try new things.

SO!

Yeah.. If anyone’s wondering why I speak in English, this is the summarized transcript of why. I’m sorry if any fellow countrymen stumbling into my blog ever felt offended or betrayed that I am not giving our dialect any form of acknowledgement, it’s basically because at the moment, I can not. I may try in the future though.