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Chasing a dream or running from a nightmare?
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“Yeah, but…”    Â
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IÂ believe that our perceptions of things can indeed change our reality. Â Â Â Â Â
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For me, there are two ways of dealing with life and its multitude of complications. Â Â Â Â Â
The first way is the way of ‘F**k it’. That means that things are the way they are, and we just accept life the way it is and move forward, like it or not.     Â
The second way is the way of ‘yeah, but’. I find this way to be far more gratifying and creative:    Â
Instead of just passively accepting things the way they are, one can consciously and actively alter his/her perception of the event, thereby creating an entirely ‘new’ event – ultimately co-creating one’s reality.     Â
It’s not that I think I can control the events themselves:    Â
By managing how I perceive/react to them and the meaning I subjectively ascribe them, I can make any negative situation more palatable, positive and even beneficial.     Â
The secret is in being creative with the ‘but’!    Â
‘Yeah, but…’ How often do you say this? How often do you hear others say this?    Â
‘Yeah, but’ is used in more than one way, but more often than not, is comes from a place of fear.    Â
Swimming in Circles (or Going Nowhere Fast)
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For example: “That job sounds perfect for you! You should apply.” “Yeah, but I don’t think I’m qualified / talented / experienced enough.”    Â
Or “I know he’s into you.” “Yeah, but once he gets to know me (my flaws / secrets / weaknesses / diseases / insecurities /neuroses, etc.), he won’t like me anymore, so forget it.”    Â
Really, these are excuses: excuses to remain static, avoid change, and ultimately abscond from the demands of life.    Â
After catching myself ‘yeah, but’ in a negative way for the millionth time, I decided to flip it. Instead of ‘yeah, butting’ to explain away my lack of action and fear of success, I now ‘reverse yeah, but’ to conquer my fears and take creative action.    Â
For example: “You shouldn’t quit your job – it’s a decent salary and it’s stable.” “Yeah, but I’m worth more than decent, and stablity prevents me from moving onward and upward.”     Â
The beauty of black and white comes from the shades between: ash, battleship, cinereal, dove, dusky, dusty, granite, heather, iron, lead, leaden, mousy, oyster, pearly, peppery, powder, silvery, slate, smoky, stone
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 Or even better: “South Africa is a dangerous place, rife with crime and violence – you shouldn’t go there!” “Yeah, maybe there is a lot of crime and there are dangerous areas, but to not follow my heart is to die a slow death, and to take on another person’s fear is for my soul to be held captive, leaving me unable to experience MY truth, MY reality through MY personal lens of experience, values, desires and energy. To live in fear is to avoid life.” Â
 Reverse yeah-butting is an active way to change your perspective, and therefore change the way you experience your life. The events are the same, but the way you live them creates an entirely new reality.    Â
How did I start reverse yeah-butting?    Â
After an excruciating time when everything that could have gone ‘wrong’ did, and after recovering from that time and realizing that had that time not happened, I would not be the person I am today, I started to think about how I could have experienced it differently.    Â
How could I have felt less pain and less grief? How could I have not wasted so many tears? Coulda, shoulda, woulda was not the approach to take since it is compassionless and attributes a sense of blame for having allowed myself to suffer.    Â
What I started to realize is that by creative, imaginative thinking, I could think and thereby feel myself into a different reality.     Â
Reverse yeah-butting is something I do every day to give myself and those around me the opportunity to experience life in a more peaceful way. It has changed my life profoundly.    Â
I am currently writing a book on this concept, and will be periodically adding articles to the yeah, but section of this blog. I welcome your comments and personal experiences with reverse yeah-butting!  Â
Yeah, but... 
I happen to be an expert in yeah-butting, in the negative way, so I am looking forward to hearing about how to turn that around.
Hehe, I’m sure we are equally as strong in that area, my friend! Honestly, it really just took/takes dedicated, mindful practice. Every time I caught myself negative yeah-butting, I reframed it. Every time I see a situation negatively, I play a game with myself and brainstorm all the possible alternative points of view. I try to make it FUN!
I agree. Its like appreciating the thorns because it has a rose on top it, and not feel upset about the rose because it has thorns.
YES!
I love the way you think and write!!! It’s all about perception!! Am adding ur blog to my favourites and also super stoked you have chosen to become a cape tonian! Welcome to the city i also love!!!
yay! a subscriber! i love people who subscribe – you are people of action, doers as opposed to talkers. hehe! i’ll check out your blog too after i get more than an hour’s nap. thanks for the welcome – you capetonians are great 🙂
Yeah, But….. Why me? Now What ? strange but true …you made me think of simple word combinations that sum up life. Its simple , pure , true and enlightening.
I am an aspiring voice actor form mumbai India, and love you writing and pictures.
My wife is spared from super sonic yells and suggestive whispers, all she gets is the “Hey hon i am home” typical husband voice. Neither of us is complaining here but we just comparing to your mode of living. Keep it up …..and going…
to all the YEah BUTTS out there ….we have hope now
Joseph, your post made me smile! I love that voice artists are visiting me here – it’s fun to know that other people live like we do. About yeah, but. It has turned into a way of living for me that seems to work. I hope it works for others too!
Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 Have a great yeah-butting day!
Keep the work going. Best.
I can be a wonderful place to share. Your efforts will certainly reap rich dividends. Like it.
Thanks Neeraj!
Yeah But , I could have used you as a speaker at my conferences . I have done this myself but never articulated it as well as you –a fine way to deal with all aspects of life and people and travelling around the world .
I used it alot in my intimate family ….make everything a positive please was my response to negs. I must say though as humans we must constantly keep it up and even remind ourselfs ……but most in the circle around me got it .
On my office door at the hospital .”if you came with a problem or complaint ,you had better have the soloution .” In all fairness ,even if I never used the solution ,I always smiled and appreciated their trying . Love this blog Dianne .
😀 I would love to have spoken at your conferences, but I am sure you were fabulous in your own right! Yeah, but has gotten me through some hard times, and now she is like an old friend. It gets so much easier with time and practice – I don’t think I can stay in a negative funk for more than 20 minutes now, even if I try.
Thanks for popping in to my new home – kick off your shoes, have a seat, and i’ll bring you a glass of wine! xo
I have enjoyed reading your stuff and love all your positivity. Then I saw this page with the penguins (and especially the comment on the kid picture!) and thought you need a reward so please be my guest on a kayak trip to the penguins if you like.
Hi Derek! Thanks so much – that would be great! I suspect it’s a bit cold for it now (yeah, I know, we Canadians are supposed to have ice running in our veins, but I’m not so fortunate) but when it’s warmer, I’d love it! I think I was looking at your site a couple of months ago when we were looking for stuff to do, but never got around to it. Cheers 🙂
You’ve still got a bit to learn about our lovely winters then. As I write the water is flat calm and it’s around 20 degrees (centigrade!) and the paddling conditions could not be more perfect. Another s***y day in Cape Town.
hehe! Right you are! It is beautiful today! Hmmm. Perhaps we should book one then. I might be going back to Canada in a couple of weeks for a couple of months, so might not have time b4 then. Will let you know!! I really love your offer – people here are so great (it’s the biggest reason why I like this city so much, really!).
How wonderful to connect with you! I thought that the contribution by John van de Ruit (Author of bestselling novel, Spud) in the Awesome South Africa book that Derryn Campbell has recently produced is relevant:
“South Africa is awesome because it is a land that takes enormous pleasure in painting itself (albeit richly) as one clumsy stumble from the abyss. Marooned on the southern tip of the most feared continent on the planet, South Africas simultaneously suffer from an acute inferiority complex and a slightly bewildering sense of self-importance. A land of complication and contradiction, as rich as a potjiekis, as fragrant as braai smoke, yet ultimately elusive to all who are lucky enough to encounter her. In short – if you thnk you have this country figured out, you’re clearly either insane or a foreigner (or both)”
Well done with your blog, Di. Through our non-profit organisation called Awesome SA I have come to realise that this country is made up of the most wonderful , warmhearted and awesome people.
Hi Di! I’m so happy you dropped by! I love that quote – it’s bang on , especially about being insane or being a foreigner. Some would say I fit both categories 😉
I’m 99% sure we’ll be staying on, and I’d love to meet up with you and Derryn when you’re in Cape Town in June. I think that there are some amazing people here, ready to do some amazing things.
Chat soon…
How wonderful to connect with you! I thought that the contribution by John van de Ruit (Author of bestselling novel, Spud) in the Awesome South Africa book that Derryn Campbell has recently produced is relevant:“South Africa is awesome because it is a land that takes enormous pleasure in painting itself (albeit richly) as one clumsy stumble from the abyss. Marooned on the southern tip of the most feared continent on the planet, South Africas simultaneously suffer from an acute inferiority complex and a slightly bewildering sense of self-importance. A land of complication and contradiction, as rich as a potjiekis, as fragrant as braai smoke, yet ultimately elusive to all who are lucky enough to encounter her. In short – if you thnk you have this country figured out, you’re clearly either insane or a foreigner (or both)”Well done with your blog, Di. Through our non-profit organisation called Awesome SA I have come to realise that this country is made up of the most wonderful , warmhearted and awesome people.
+1
😀
This is amazing!!!!
I completely agree with you and am always looking to make my “yeah, but’s” come out on the side of moving forward. The times that I can I reap the benefits. I can’t wait to read more and am super stoked about your book! I have stories to offer if you would like heehee 🙂
Romanda!!!
I would like!!!! Please write me a yeah,but blog post about the mongol rally and all the challenges you’ve had to yeah, but through!! Please!!! so excited about your trip – been watching you VERY closely, missy!! big hugs XXOOXOXO D.
How wonderful to connect with you! I thought that the contribution by John van de Ruit (Author of bestselling novel, Spud) in the Awesome South Africa book that Derryn Campbell has recently produced is relevant:“South Africa is awesome because it is a land that takes enormous pleasure in painting itself (albeit richly) as one clumsy stumble from the abyss. Marooned on the southern tip of the most feared continent on the planet, South Africas simultaneously suffer from an acute inferiority complex and a slightly bewildering sense of self-importance. A land of complication and contradiction, as rich as a potjiekis, as fragrant as braai smoke, yet ultimately elusive to all who are lucky enough to encounter her. In short – if you thnk you have this country figured out, you’re clearly either insane or a foreigner (or both)”Well done with your blog, Di. Through our non-profit organisation called Awesome SA I have come to realise that this country is made up of the most wonderful , warmhearted and awesome people.+1
+1
🙂 Thanks Motorcycle Accident Attorney!
Just found your blog and am looking forward to learning more about your expat adventures in South Africa. I’m an expat in Italy, been here 5 years eh! 😉
Hi Jennifer, thanks so much for stopping by! I have to admit I have ignored this blog shamefully for the past year…been busy setting up my new business, but I really do need to make some time to spend here. Are you loving Italy???
Italy is treating me very kindly, thank you! Do you have another blog where you spend most of your time? Good luck on the business venture!
I do – it’s actually my business website not a blog 🙂 https://www.canadiation.com Thanks so much!!
Well, isn’t this an interesting website, which has come at the right time. Do you have an email where I can ask you a few questions. If you don’t mind?
Hi Jennifer, nice to keep seeing you like this 🙂 My email is di_russell@hotmail.com Looking forward to hearing from you!
Or, if it’s work related (I just realized it might be!), it’s dianne@canadiation.com…
Thanks Di. I will send off an email to you sometime tomorrow.