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Love, Mom (Notes From The Empty Nest) | "Regretful for the things you're not And all the things you haven't got Without a home A heart of stone lies bleeding" TSO "Believe"
So…it is not the longest night of the year when, for the last few years, I usually try to post something. No, I was losing my mind trying to catch up with Christmas stuff after being sick for a week with a miserable cold (and probably sinus infection). No, tonight is another memorable day of the year…my Father’s birthday. He would have been 112 years old today. He passed 24 years ago. He often claimed he did not want anything for his birthday…Christmas was enough. I still think he was pleased with the cake my Mama would make for him and (when we were young) the presents we would make for him. The story I was told was on this night 112 years ago one of the nursing nuns of St. Alexis hospital in Cleveland asked my Grandmother Anna what was her baby’s name. Anna wasn’t sure and the Sister suggested Stephen seeing it was the feast day St. Stephen. Anna liked that, and so he was named Stephen. Now, St. Stephen is the patron saint of martyrs he is also the patron saint of bricklayers and stonemasons. Stonemasons…yes, that would be his patron saint. First he was a sign painter. When he married my Mama Marcella and the found their “forever” home he added to it with stone. First, a stone wall around the property and then the facing of the breezeway and the garage he built.
For years I didn’t understand why he stopped painting. The last thing I know he painted is on the wall behind me, it is a painting of the house he wanted to build. And build he did. Through the winter my Mama was pregnant with me, he painted his dream of what he wanted the house to be. Fifty some years later as I was sitting on my herb garden bench on that very property he worked so hard and for so long on, leaning against the shed he built, looking at the house and the garage, I realized that all his artistic creativity went into the building of the wall and the breezeway and the house. The inspiration I was looking for in the living room border was right there in front of me…the architectural detail on the garage. And, so I painted his design on the living room wall.
Now, I could go on…but the story gets kind of sad after a while and on this St. Stephen’s Day and while it is still the Christmas season…I prefer to stop here and to thank God for Stephen and Marcella and the love and lessons I’ve had because of them. Happy Birthday Dad.
Listen up people. Saturday evening some people will be celebrating Earth Hour. (Look for the dark places on the planet….like North Korea and Venezuela.) As for me, I choose to celebrate HUMAN ACHIEVEMENT HOUR 8:30 to 9:30 whatever your time zone. Now, the Competitive Enterprise Institute were the ones that initially promoted this. I don’t know why, but they no longer do. I suspect there are others who appreciate the achievements of the human race. And, even if there aren’t I will.
Think of what humans have done from the wheel and the Pyramids to medical advancements and sending men to the moon. I’m on my soapbox here because of the interwerwebz and electricity and freaking facebook.
I REFUSE TO SIT IN THE DARK. I’m going to use all the amazing and wonderful things I am so fortunate to possess in spite of my many losses. What a wonderful world we live in. Consider that. Appreciate all we have. #HAH2022
Even the year DH was so sick and everything in our lives was spinning out of control…we turned on the lights. I am so glad that we did because the next day, Sunday, the end began for real. But before that all happened we rocked out to LET’S SEE HOW FAR WE’VE COME.
To my surprise, I can access my WordPress editor. I don’t know how this came to be after two years…or…how long it will last. People I am acquianted with think I am knowledgeable in all things tech. They have no idea how wrong they are. But since I’m here I think I will try to take advantage of it. Perhaps better to say I will…as soon as I get Christmas taken care of.
But, on this longest night of the year and night of many memories I pray for peace, health, sanity, common sense and long, happy life to all that I love, all I admire, and even those…I try not to think of at all.
This may just be the last blog post here. WordPress has changed just enough that I’m not sure I can keep up. It’s 9 years since the Solstice night that changed my world. I was informed today that my sister has taken the next step into her dementia that she absolutely cannot be left alone.
I am 70.5 years old. I feel like ME inside. (I’m guessing about 40 or so…give and take a few). I don’t feel like the “elderly person” I might be described as. And yet, I look in the mirror and wonder ….who the hell is that? I spent today working out a design problem for a gift for a family member. I am still ME…and yet…I know my time is limited.
I am sad tonight because of memory. And yet hopeful for what I was able to accomplish today. And for the possibilities of tomorrow.
Happy Solstice. The light returns. I love you all. Merry Christmas and an absolutely wonderful New Year.
As I do every year on this night, I look back to the Solstice night the year everything in my world was deconstructing. I don’t dwell on it. But…it is there. Part of hiraeth, something I will always have with me. This year, however, I found a new word. A word that encompasses some of hiraeth but in a good and sweet way. Hygge. A Danish word for home, comfort, coziness. Something one definitely needs on the longest night of the year.
This year while I recall past years I will also be relishing the cozy comfort of my little world as it exists now. Thankful for the people that have helped me arrive here and hopeful (as always) for the coming of the light tomorrow and Spring.
Today would have been the DH’s 71st birthday. Instead, the daughter and I made the drive to Ohio Western Reserve National Cemetery (OWRNC) to visit, say happy birthday, share a beer and some birthday cake (carrot cake with cream cheese icing). We stood at attention as a three volley salute was given across the road for another veteran being laid to rest.
As this day closes, I am so very grateful for my children who share their very different interests with me. And share our combined histories with love and respect for all that has come before.
Tomorrow we will share our new found tradition of going to the Zoo on Thanksgiving. We are hoping to meet there with some old friends. Then home for dinner and stories and appreciation for all that we have.
Happy Thanksgiving to whoever may come across this writing. A Blessed Thanksgiving to those who have come through the tribulation of their lives in the fires of California. If anyone wishes to read more about what so many have gone through go to American Digest . And if you feel so moved, please donate.
It seems my blogging skills are beyond rusty. I’ve not posted a thing since this very night an entire year ago and I’m having a hard time remembering the simple codes I once used regularly. Any way…the above link at American Digest fits perfectly with all I am thinking about tonight. Past, present and future.
“No matter what time and the universe can throw at us, we still go on.”
“…no winter is without end and that the Gift is given to us again.”
So…I go on. Much has changed since the first Longest Night post 7 years ago. Life has altered, sad time endured. As the longest night of the year passes I am settling into my new home and life, smaller than before, less expansive, knowing how little I know. Yet, it is full of the richness of all that went before. There are gifts left in my heart by those who went before me. I vow to find the light in my own heart and in everyone I meet.
May this Longest Night of the Year bring you rest and hope for the coming light.
Reposted from 2014. The thoughts are still the same……
It is the longest night of the year. I have had thoughts of this on my mind now for weeks. Once upon a time it was a happy thought. Here it is, the longest night. Tomorrow the days will grow longer. The lengthening days bringing spring/summer closer. “Sweet Summertime” as Bob Seger would sing.
But no more. I still do look forward to the lengthening days and the coming of spring. But overriding those thoughts tonight are thoughts of the past decade. 10 years of change.
21 December 2004. Mosul, Iraq. 10 years. Many families were irreparably altered that day. For our family…well…we got serious about supporting our military. We made friends and lost friends in these 10 years.
21 December 2010. DH had surgery confirming what we already knew. It was cancer. (So much for “World Class Care“.) We spent that longest night in the excellent care of Metro Health. DH was still pretty angry with me for the permissions I had given the docs. He pretty quickly came to realize they were necessary and “forgave” me. Four years ago tonight I sat at his bedside and while he dozed I read. It’s always fascinated me the things that stand out at times like that. I remember going through his bookmarks on the Mac…reading his daily reads. News and politics and gun blogs. That night I read William the Coroner’s post on the longest night of the year. And…as I’ve mentioned before, neither DH or William the Coroner would live to see the next Solstice.
So very much is gone that was so very important to me during these last 10 years. DH is gone. Home is gone. Lots of “stuff” is gone. Friends are gone. But…some things remain….“Strength in what remains…” The Daughter, The Boy, The Grandson…they fill me with a joy that sometimes takes my breath away.
The song says “let the candle burn all night”. 10 years ago tonight I went out into the Memory Garden and lit the first candle for the Soldiers lost in Mosul. Every night since, a candle has burned for our military….for family…for friends…for peace. Though the Memory Garden is gone the candle still burns all night ….though now it is an electric candle in a small window.
And while I no longer have seven Christmas trees to light this darkest night…I apparently have…
…something that resembles hope.
I stopped everything I intended to do last night…and built…this….
The candles (real or electric) burn for the past, the present and the future Tomorrow I will welcome back the light.
Longest Night of the Year
They say that spring will come again–
No one knows exactly when.
Still the suns a long lost friend
On the longest night of the year.
We stare into the firelight
While December beats outside
Where the darkest hearts reside
On the longest night of the year
So keep me safe and hold me tight
Let the candle burn all night
Tomorrow welcome back the night
It was longest night of the year
I used to think the world was small
Bright and shining like a ball
Seems I don’t know much at all
On the longest night of the year
We press our faces to the glass
And see our little lives go past
Wave to shadows that we cast
On the longest night of the year
So keep me safe and hold me tight,
Let the candle burn all night,
Tomorrow welcome back the light.
Twas the longest night of the year
Make a vow when Solstice comes:
To find the Light in everyone
Keep the faith and bang the drum
On the longest night of the year
So keep me safe and hold me tight,
Let the candle burn all night,
Tomorrow welcome back the light.
Twas the longest night of the year
So keep me safe and hold me tight,
Let the candle burn all night,
Tomorrow welcome back the light.
After the longest night of the year
Love, Mom (Notes From The Empty Nest)