“What? Why me? What did I do?” Petroruxei’o objected. Halorykta gave him an apprising look, and then he recalled, “Oh, right!”

He bounded down the stairs, and Sam stated, “I’m actually rather glad that we’re in this enclosure since it puts a barrier between us and whatever monster we may encounter!”

Beck pointed out, “Unless it’s a huge, strong monster- then we’re sitting ducks!” My besties and I concurred with that, but prior to any of us speculating on that any further…

“You should go back!” Petroruxei’o advised someone.

”Why? What’s wrong?” a muffled voice asked.

Petroruxei’o answered, “Thanks for asking! I woke up with a cramp in my stomach! You’d think I wouldn’t have to deal with such things since I’m a god and not technically living, but it’s worth the pain in order to feel pleasure…”

Halorykta barked, “Petroruxei’o! Who are you blabbering your life story to?’

“Seriously! You should leave! My wife is on a rampage!” Petroruxei’o again advised the muffled voice. “If you think Earth women are a handful when they’re PMSing…”

“I’m not leaving ‘til I know everyone is safe!” the muffled voice declared. They ran up the steps, and…

My heart beat wildly to see him again! I rejoiced, “Luke!” Luke smiled at me, and I smiled back until I espied Halorykta’s curious stare. I was heartbroken to do so, but I couldn’t have him anywhere near her if I wanted humanity to continue, so I directed him, “Petroruxei’o is right, you gotta get out of here! You’re the key to Pandora’s Box, and she’s gonna use you to destroy the planet!”

Halorykta corrected me, “He’s not the key!”

“He’s not?” I puzzled.

“No!” Halorykta confirmed. “Are you serious? If the key just walked right into my lap like that, I would’ve grabbed it and used it by now!”

Sally surmised, “Ah, so the key is a living thing?”

Halorykta reminded her, “I’m not telling you until you agree to give it up! Interested?”

“Not that much!” Sally refused.

“Wait, that’s why you kept rejecting me?” Luke quizzed me. 

I was elated for a chance to explain my behavior to him, and I gladly spilled my guts to Luke, “Yes! And, no! Oh, Luke! I spent my whole life getting told that true love doesn’t exist, so when my feelings for you grew deep, a part of me wanted to believe that to protect myself from getting hurt by delusion! It just seemed too good to be true to have found someone who makes me so happy! I’m so sorry!”

Luke filled me in, “Don’t apologize! I went looking for you ‘cause I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry! Actually, my mom heard what happened, and she wouldn’t let me out of her sight ‘til I found you! I…” He studied our surroundings, and then he suggested, “Let’s discuss this after I get you out of here! She probably didn’t anticipate having someone arriving in time to free you!” He chuckled as he reached for the cage’s door.

Preceding him unlatching the lock, Halorykta magicked him inside of the cage! “Don’t assume you can outsmart me, motal!” she seethed.

“Sorry, I tried!” Luke breathily broadcasted to us as he got situated between Beck and Sam.

“How much longer do we gotta do this?” Sally inquired in a strained tone.

Halorykta replied, “Until it stops being funny to me!” She spotted her crow in the mix, and she hollered, “What are you doing in there? Why are you sticking to them?” Halorykta struggled to get the bird out, and she griped, “What’s wrong with you? It’s like you’re under a confusion spell!”

She had a realization, and then she glared at Petroruxei’o. Petroruxei’o shifted guiltily and defended himself, “It’s the only way I could have saved them from the Fantasma Ailouros!”

“You’ve been helping them?” Halorykta roared.

“Why?” Beck petitioned him. “I mean, we appreciate it, dude, but aren’t you on her side?”

Halorykta became so angry that her visage turned red! She vociferated, “Mortals ruin everything! I need to get rid of them now! I may not have the key to Pandora’s Box, but I can do it on my own! How shall I do it? Did I already unleash the Aericas onto Earth?”

The situation was so ridiculous that I had to speak up! “Oh, as if! You’re really gonna wipe out all of humanity just ‘cause your husband had an affair with my great, great grandma a hundred years ago?”

Luke, Sally, Sam, and Beck all gawked at me in astonishment, and then they turned to Halorykta for confirmation. Halorykta folded her arms and pouted, “How would you feel if your spouse were unfaithful after they vowed to spend an eternity together?”

“I didn’t realize an eternity would be so long!” Petroruxei’o lamented. “You hardly had time for me, and when I met Hecate, I felt loved and cared for!”

“Love and caring?” Halorykta scoffed. “You can get that from a puppy! You felt something else, and that feeling got an Earth woman pregnant!”

That came as news to me! “Wait, you’re my great, great grandfather?”

Not making eye contact with Halorykta’s glowering face, Petroruxei’o certified this, “Yes! I couldn’t marry her since I already bound myself to someone else forever, and single motherhood wasn’t socially acceptable in that period, so she hurried to find someone else to marry her, and I never saw her again!”

“Wow! So, I’m a goddess?” I became dumbfounded at the very notion.

“No, even a drop of mortal blood taints the celestial status,” Petroruxei’o informed me. “Don’t be so disappointed- deity life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!”

Halorykta scowled at him. “Pretty soon, you’ll have no other option but to stay here with me! The mortal realm will be destroyed, and then what will you do? Try to have another affair with a mermaid? Remember, they don’t have human legs!”

I admonished her, “You’re really gonna evoke the apocalypse rather than work on your marital problems?”

“When you say it like that, you make it sound idiotic!” Halorykta sulked.

“Come on, dear!” Petroruxei’o urged her. “I’d be willing to give it a try if you’ll join me!”

Halorykta gazed into his pleading eyes, and she relented, “Oh, alright! I’ll give it a try, too! But, if it doesn’t work, I’ll end the world in another century!”

They hugged each other, and it was sweet to watch, but… “Um… Can we go now?” Sally requested.

“Oh, sure!” Halorykta used a jinx to take out the bottom of the cage.

“Ouch!” Sam yelled out as we landed in a heap on the floor.

As soon as my eyes met Luke’s, I recognized that we got another chance to be together! With nothing holding me back any longer, I fell into his arms, and I gave him a passionate kiss! I was lighter than air to be in this embrace! It was like I found where I belonged, and I was so elated that I forgot where I was! Or, at least I did until…

Halorykta screeched, “Get out!”

Hand in hand, Luke and I led the others to the smelly bathroom. Apparently, the cacophony we heard earlier was Luke knocking over the chamber pot! We went inside of the mirror door, and we landed in the basement of the Hecate House! Sam exclaimed, “Great Scotty! That was just like the transporter in Star Trek! I never thought I’d live long enough to experience that! Let’s do it again!” Sam mulled that over for a moment, and then he reconsidered, “Oh, right! Never mind!”

“It’s just too bad we never found out what the key to Pandora’s Box was!” Sally remarked.

“Oh, that reminds me!” Beck remembered something. “When I was installing wire in these walls, a small tin box fell out! It was full of love letters, but it had an old-fashioned key too! It looked pretty cool, so I put it in my pocket to give it to you later, Penny, but Belle put it on my work’s key ring when she did the laundry. I can give it to you… Where are my pants? Oh, crap! How am I gonna get back to the police station like this?”

Luke volunteered, “I’ll get you there! I can get all you guys to work, and then Penny and I can bring the key back here, and… Then what?” He glimpsed at us ponderously.

No one had a good answer for that. Now that we were fairly certain what the key was, our task to protect it became more real. Oh sure, Halorykta agreed to relinquish her apocalyptic quest, but if she and her husband couldn’t patch things up with each other, then this supernatural saga could easily resume! And, if they lived happily ever after, then there was always the possibility that some other entity could go after it! It was a daunting prospect, and nobody knew what to do about it, which prompted Sam to query, “So, is this predicament over or not?”

We all shrugged, and after a weighty minute, I decreed, “We’ll figure that out later! For now, let’s just focus on what you guys can tell your bosses about why you disappeared, and then Luke and I can come back to the Hecate House to christen it properly!”

“I suppose I can swing by a liquor store and pick up some champagne on the way back…” Luke mapped out the route in his head.

“That’s not what I meant!” I strolled up to him and gave him my most Sally-like naughty grin.

When it finally clicked for him what I intended to convey, he grinned back at me. “Oh! That sounds…! I love you so much!”

I returned his sentiments, “I love you, too!”

We smooched again, and I still couldn’t believe my luck in finding someone who could bring this much joy into my life. The way he held me made me believe he couldn’t wait for the “christening” that long, but then he let me know, “We may have to postpone that for a while- we have a visitor here…” Our curiosity piqued, and the five of us headed upstairs.

When we emerged from the basement, we saw Kitty there with a mop and some purple cleaning solution in her hands. She heard us enter into the room, and she swiveled around and greeted me, “Penny, mija! I hope you don’t mind, but I did a little sprucing up! I couldn’t help it, it was filthy in here! Luckily, I keep supplies in my car for such an emergency!”

Kitty ogled Beck in surprise, and Beck apprised her, “I left my clothes at the police station… Don’t ask!”

She gazed at Sam and Sally for explanation, but they gestured in a fashion that suggested they had a lack of knowledge on this transpiration, so she let it go and canvassed Luke and me, “So, did you two make up?”

“We sure did!” Luke merrily told his mom while his arm was wrapped around my waist. “But, these three are late for work, so I gotta get going! Will you two be okay?”

“Of course!” I assured him. I would’ve preferred to have had a couple hours alone with Luke, but I was delighted tospend quality time with my future mother-in-law.

Luke gave me a peck prior to everyone’s departure, and as I resumed polishing the bannister, Kitty conversed, “I had a client this morning, Missus Bravo- she’s over ninety, and the poor thing is losing it, I think! She was telling me that she helped fight some monsters! Can you believe that?”

I was hesitant about how to answer that. “Uh…” There was a knock on the door, and I was grateful to have an excuse to change the topic! To my shock, it was Ned! “Oh, no! Not again, Ned!”

“You set me up with that clingy chick, Libby?” Ned accosted me.

“Yeah…” I was already dreading his reaction to this move, and I sincerely wished I hadn’t dont at first…

Ned started off frowning, but then he smiled and graciously regarded me, “I can’t thank you enough! I’m having a ball!”

I became stunned by this development. “Oh, no worries! Yeah, I totally did that on purpose!”

“We’re going to a Halloween gala at the country club!” Libby announced as she popped up beside him.

“Wonderful! Make sure he doesn’t eat any dairy!” I recommended to her.

Libby agreed, and Ned articulated, “Thanks again! Bye, Penny!”

I verbalized, “Bye, Ned!”

As I watched them walk away and get into his vehicle, which still had damage from the monsters he got involved with, I felt pride that at least one chapter was finished…

Did we go on anymore otherworldly adventures? Well, that’s a story for another day! Luke and I put the key in the safe for the theatre’s profits- it seemed the safest there, safe is literally in its name! I wanted to get this ridiculous tale out there to implore our grandchildren and all the other future generations to keep the key in the family, and continue to protect it, always!

The End!

“I left my clothes in my client’s bathroom! My stash is in my pocket, and my client is a police station!” Beck slapped his forehead.

“Why did you change your wardrobe there?” Sam wondered.

Beck told him, “I wasn’t! I was taking a dump! It’s a little hard to do your business in a jumpsuit without getting practically naked!”

I relayed to the bathing women, “Well, in any case, we’re still not naive enough tofall for whatever trap you’re trying to set for us!”

“No, really!” the one woman insisted. “Halorykta had to hide the exit somewhere where the other monsters wouldn’t find it, and not a lot of residents here use the bathhouse! Actually, a lot of them can’t even fit in here, so it’s the perfect place, really!”

“That makes sense, actually!” Sally contemplated the matter.

I argued with her, “No, not you too! No resident of Tartarus is sincerely interested in helping us!”

Sally shot back, “Then why did you suggest somebody might do that when we started this journey?”

“I…! I dunno!” I admitted. “So far, the only one who’s been nice to us is the bird!” I referred to the calm crow still perched on my shoulder. “Please don’t go potty on me!”

“Penny is quite correct,” Sam sided with me. “Our feathered friend has given us no cause for disquiet; it’s proven itself trustworthy from its lengthy stretch without incident! A lot of monsters have given us a false sense of security only to betray us in the end, so we really ought to exercise caution in this instance!”

The woman seductively regarded him, “I won’t hurt you! …Unless you want me to!”

Sam readily jerked towards her. “Okie dokie!”

“Nuh-uh!” Sally pulled him back. “You can only think with one head at a time, so one of us ladies will have to check their story out!”

“Oh, no! I’m not gonna be the canary in the coal mine again!” I protested. I glanced at the crow and added, “No offense to your species!”

Sally handed Sam over to me as if he were a dog on a leash. “Alright, I’ll go look!”

The bathing women watched her with a keen intrigue, and as I held the men back, I got a bad feeling about this venture. I recommended, “Let’s just keep going and ask some other monsters about the accuracy of their account!”

“No! There really is an exit!” Sally apprised me. “It says ‘Earth’ with an arrow going up!” I remained skeptical, and she accosted me, “What? What could possibly go wrong at this point?” One of the women’s arms stretched out, grabbed her, and held her underwater!
“Sally!” I cried out. I let go of the men, picked up a rock, and hurled it towards the malefactresses. I missed the one I was aiming for, of course, but it still landed on one of them, forcing them to fall backwards and reveal their fins! “Mermaids! Aw! You guys were supposed to be nice! Thanks for ruining a piece of my childhood!” 

The women scornfully cackled. While they were preoccupied, Sally reached her hand upward, clutched her captor’s hair, and pulled her down. The mermaid fell into the basin, and since she lost her grip while doing so, Sally emerged and rolled out of the tub and returned to us. After recuperating for a few seconds, Sally remarked, “It’s a good thing I have plenty of practice holding my breath for ages! Don’t ask me why!”

Sam conveyed to her, “When it comes ot your personal life, we try not to do any follow-up questions!”

“Didn’t I tell you something about them was… fishy?” I kidded my besties.

“Great! You’re doing puns now? Is that our punishment for not listening to your warnings?” Sally sulked.

As we trudged along, I thought that Luke would’ve appreciated my humor, and my heart panged for him. I wished he was here, but recalling where I was, I wished I was with him back in Adonis Shores! I also dearly hoped that we would get out of this debacle alive so I could see his handsome face again!

The four of us chatted as we continued our trek, and Beck earnestly implored us, “I’m a one-woman man, and they caught me off-guard! I wouldn’t have done anything other than look, I swear! If Belle ever finds out about this, you tell her that, ‘kay?” 

“Okay, okay!” I relented. “Jeez, you seem more concerned about getting in trouble with her than the police officers!”

“If I go to jail, I’ll be safe! If I piss her off, I gotta sleep in the bed as a scorned girlfriend! That’s a lot more dangerous!” Beck shuddered.

I assured Beck, “I don’t think she’ll ever find out! She was at KD Nickels when we faced those skeleton warriors, and she had no idea anything went on. She wouldn’t recognize the mystical realm if it were staring her in the face!” When I swiveled back to face the road, there was a nearly translucent panther staring into my eyes! “Oh, hello!” I greeted it nervously.

The ghost panther growled and began to pace around our pack! More of them manifested, and soon, we were surrounded by dozens of them! Sam commented, “I highly doubt our go-to methodology of combating monsters will suffice in this scenario- rocks won’t hurt a being without a central nervous system!”

“How do we defeat them then?” I catechized.

“I’ve got an idea!” Sally pulled out her keys, and she pointed a small flashlight at the ground. A small red dot shone onto the surface, and Sally wiggled it around like it was a mouse scurrying in a field. The ghost panthers’ behavior didn’t change, so Sally pouted, “Well, it works with normal cats!”

Beck theorized, “If I had my pants, I could’ve used my stash like sage! Belle smudges our house to ward off evil spirits, and I think they’re in the same family!”

I suggested, “Maybe if we keep moving, they’ll step aside!” I inched forward slightly- one of the ghost panthers nipped at my feet, so I retracted it and sighed, “I guess not!”

“Holy smokes! After everything we’ve been through, this is where it ends?” Sally bemoaned.

“Oh, come on! We’ve overcome a lot of difficult things! We can beat this, too!” I attempted to buoy everyone’s spirits.

Sam challenged me, “How are we supposed to beat an entire colony of ferocious beasts?”

I waivered on that issue, “Uhhh…! We…” The ghost panthers positioned themselves as if they were ready to pounce, so I changed tactics slightly, “Well, we’re not going down without a fight! We’ll punch and kick the bastards as they swarm in, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll knock enough of them out to allow us to escape! Get ready! We got this!” I poised myself to defend against their assault, but even I had a lack of faith in our ability to overcome the odds that were heavily stacked against us…

The ghost panthers propelled themselves towards us, and as I dealt some jabs, I expected to feel their sharp fangs sinking deep into my flesh! I would’ve also guessed I would’ve felt fur, whiskers, or anything really, but I didn’t feel a thing other than a slight chill! I grew quite confused, so I glanced over to my friends. Sam was crouching as he used his arms as shields from peril, Beck watched them pass by as if he expected one of them to make contact with him, and Sally simply ogled them in confusion. It took a minute for it to dawn on me, but I eventually concluded, “They can’t actually hurt us!”

“Yes! I knew that!” Sam claimed as he stood back up from a cowering position.

“So, we just ignore them?” Beck surmised.

I certified this, “Yeah! Let’s move on!” We resumed our march through that hellish village, and the ghost panthers persisted in their bombardment of us. Their growling and hissing were quite audible, and it didn’t take long for me to lose my temper over this. “Okay, this is really annoying! I don’t wanna spend the rest of the trip like this!”

Sally concurred, “Me either! I didn’t bring a sweater!” She cradled herself as she shivered from their recurrent interactions with us.

“How do we get rid of them?” I pondered. As if on cue, the crow started cawing, and the ghost panthers winced as if they were spooked prior to their disappearance! I gazed at the crow and quizzed it, “You’ve had that up your sleeve this whole time?”

“Oh, good!” Sam expressed in alleviation as Haloyrkta’s summoning crystal appeared above our heads. “I’m actually relieved to see that commodity for once!”

When we landed back in Halorykta’s throne room, we immediately got swept into a gilded cage! As we roosted above the floor, squished together, Sally dryly muttered, “Oh, this is an improvement!”

Halorykta laughed derisively at us, and Petroruxei’o ran in looking aghast. “Hey! You can’t do that!” Petroruxei’o objected.

“I’m not hurting them!” Halorykta irritably contended.

“Does pride count?” Beck posed to them with his lips stuck on a bar.

Petroruxei’o differed, “No, I meant that’s mine!”

Halorykta snapped, “We are husband and wife! What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is yours!”

“Does that mean I can use your wine salts?” Petroruxei’o inquired.

“No!” Halorykta vehemently replied. She turned her attention back to us and leered, “Having fun?”

I sarcastically asserted, “Yeah! So much so that we’re prepared to give you the key and stay here forever!”

Halorykta figured, “You’re joking, aren’t you?” I nodded, and she raged, “Ugh! This is why I hate humans! You’re so insincere!” 

“Says the girl who wears hair extensions!” I riposted.

“Quit trying to get under my skin!” Halorykta barked. “If you cause my temper to flare enough, you won’t like the consequences!”

Sam massaged his squished arm and reacted incredulously, “This is you being nice?”

Halorykta ranted, “I’m done standing idly by as you selfishly withhold me from my destiny! I cannot permit this injustice to continue! Your kind is fullof liars, philanderers, thieves, and, worst of all, singers who keep repeating the same words over and over and over again! Human beings taint everything they touch, and their existence makes me sick! Humanity deserves to get obliterated!”

“Humans aren’t all bad!” I enspeeched. “Yes, there are some terrible people, but there is a lot of good in the world too! We have individuals who dedicate their whole lives to helping others, and some even risk their own safety to do so! Sometimes, strangers will even give up the shirts off their backs to assist those in need! Sure, there’s a lot of hate and crime, but there’s also a lot of love and kindness! You’re only focusing on the negative parts! Have you been watching that biased news channel?”

“There is not enough goodness out there to justify the continued existence of mortals!” Halorykta maintained.

I probed, “Why do you hate us so much? This feels personal- who hurt you?” She craned her neck to stare at a distant corner, which made it seem futile to stay on the same track, so I gave up on that tactic. “You don’t wanna say? Fine! But you’re not gonna convince us to give you the key to Pandora’s Box! So, you may as well send us back to Tartarus!”

Beck verbalized, “Or Earth! I don’t wanna fight any monsters for a while- my foot’s asleep!”

“I’d like to go anywhere but here!” Sally put in. “My boobs are pressed against the metal! I’m glad I decided not to get that nipple ring!”

“Don’t say stuff like that!” Petroruxei’o requested. “Then I’ll never get my wife to-!”

Halorykta interrupted him, “I’m not getting them! My me! Where do you get ideas like that?”

A light bulb swiftly went off in my head. “Wait, you were the-?”

Suddenly, there was clamor downstairs, and Halorykta observed, “We’re not alone here!”

A door swung open, and I nearly tripped over a nearby vase! The entryway closed behind me, and it looked like nothing more than an antique, full-length mirror! I expected this place to be far more mystical, but instead, a sewage-like odor hit my nostrils like a freight train! I nearly threw up in the vase, but I soon realized that it wasn’t actually a vase… “A chamber pot? Hecate’s lover left through their bathroom?”

I tiptoed to the hallway, and it seemed like I was in some sort of palace! I felt guilty for trespassing, but I wasn’t certain how to return home. I peered down the foyer, and I didn’t hear any signs of life. I swiveled my head to the left, and to my startlement, there was a crow perched on top of an actual vase! “Whoa! You scared me, buddy! I guess Halorykta isn’t the only one with a pet like you!” It cawed, and I shushed it, “Please, don’t! I don’t want your owner to think I’m an intruder! Well, I am one, but I don’t want them to think that!” It perched on my shoulder and extended its foot towards me, and I catechized, “What am I supposed to do with that?” It threatened to caw again, so I stroked its talon. That appeared to placate it, so I shrugged and moved on.

There was a staircase leading to a larger room, and it sounded like there was a slight noise in the distance, so it seemed worth checking out. I predicted seeing a posh sitting room, but, to my shock, it was the same throne room my besties and I frequently got summoned to! “Wait, that means I’m in… And you’re…!” I glimpsed at the crow with terror, and I wanted to flee and take my chances in the void to escape this lair at once, but then…

“Hello? Where did you fly off to? I-!” Halorykta burst into the room with a towel on! When she spotted me, she looked as though she nearly had a heart attack! “What in the name of me are you doing here?” She espied her crow on my shoulder, and she got insulted. “Traitor!”

“Whoa! You were using hair extensions! I knew it!” I grinned when I noticed her shorter mane.

Halorykta clicked her tongue out of annoyance. “Fine, yes! I embellish my appearance a little! I take them off in the salt therapy quarters, and I didn’t imagine I’d run into anyone worth impressing!” She rubbed her chin contemplatively, and then she concluded, “I must have dozed off and summoned you by accident!” I did my utmost not to give off a guilty vibe- I did not have a clue why I was keeping the portal a secret, but somebody hid it, and they were probably shielding it from her. I doubted that she would’ve kept it quiet if she were Hecate’s lover, but obviously somebody was sneaking into the mortal realm! She would have been loud and proud about a feat like that, but then again, she most likely just would have shown up and wouldn’t have devised such a furtive means of transportation! I also clammed up in hopes that she would send me back to Earth, but instead, she… “Well, I may as well bring everyone else in since you’re already here!”

I cringed as she gave the air a flick of the wrist, and within a minute, Sally arrived in work pants and a rather risque shirt. Sally huffed, “Man! I was hoping to spend my lunch break at that Greek diner down the street!”

“Hungry?” I guessed.

“Not really!” She stowed away some perfume in her pocket.

Sam appeared with a fly swatter in his hands, and he grumped, “Did you really have to do that in the middle of a work shift? I had a heck of a time trying to hide your crystal from my colleagues!”

Beck manifested wearing only a t-shirt, and he had to pull up his boxers! “Dude! You couldn’t have waited until I put my jumper on?”

“Alright, go ahead and give us your spiel!” I vocalized as if I was also there by accident.

“I just wanted to let you know I’m not sending any more monsters up to the mortal realm anymore,” Haloyrkta announced as she perched on her throne, still in a towel but acting very regal.

Sally eyeballed her suspiciously. “This feels like a trick!”

Halorykta insisted, “No, no! I mean it!” We gazed at her in disbelief until she added, “I’m sending you straight to the source in Tartarus!” She laughed as the ground beneath us vanished, making us plummet far down below!

We landed on a rocky surface, and once we nursed our sore behinds, we studied our surroundings. It looked like we were in a normal village in an ancient era… except everything was on or near fire! As we gawked at the winding road ahead of us, Beck complained, “This isn’t fair! I gotta go through this creepy place and fight monsters without any pants!”

“Ive got pants on, and I’m fairly certain that it will not benefit me much!” Sam responded to him.

“Is the bird immortal?” I nervously glimpsed at the crow, who was still perched on my shoulder. “Because I really hope so!”

Sally canvassed the group, “Is there a path out of here?”

Beck adamantly stated, “I choose to believe there is!”

I theorized, “There must be ‘cause I don’t think she’d send us down here without us agreeing to give her the key to Pandora’s Box if we didn’t have a remote shot at surviving! But, there’s only one way to find out- let’s see what’s out there! Who knows, one of these creatures might wind up being helpful to us!” No one really believed that, not even me, but we crossed our fingers that this would be the case as we initiated the onset of our latest misadventure.

As we marvelled at the empty and shoddy edifices, Sam observed, “The doors are all unlocked! Did Halorykta leave it like that after she retrieved her monsters, or do members of this community go around destroying each other?”

“I wish Luke were here! He’d probably know about what’s in this hellhole!” Sally expressed. She espied my face, and she apologized, “Oh, I’m sorry! I forgot! I got used to him being around for this stuff…”

“It’s okay!” I assured her. “I wish he were here too! I wanna tell him that…” I trailed off when I became aware of a giant shadow heading towards our proximity. “Oh, maybe this isn’t the best moment to discuss my romantic drama!”

Initially, it seemed like it was simply a towering snake, but when it slithered completely into view, we learned that it had a head on both sides of its body! The first head sneered, “Welcome to our domain!”

Beck quizzed him, “Which one of you is the crapper?”

“What?” The first head blinked in surprise.

“I mean, if one of you is at where the ass normally is, then one of you has to take in food while the other shoots it out, right?” Beck pressed the two heads.

The first head spat, “You’re referring to the end of the tailbone! Waste doesn’t come out of there!”

Prior to Beck delving into that subject any further, the second head butted in, “We’re not here to educate you! We’re here to terrify you!” It studied our visages, and it asked, “Why aren’t you terrified?”

“Meh!” I answered with a shrug. “We’re getting numb to this supernatural shit!”

“Well, perhaps you’ll feel differently when you’re being devoured!” the second head seethed.

Sam pointed out, “Technically, we would cease to feel anything at all when we’re deceased like that!”

The two heads emitted an exasperated exhale, and then they lunged for us! We dodged their advances by heading into the abandoned properties adjacent to us, dashing inside to avoid their blows. Two of us were on one side while the other two were across the street, and after the two heads split up in their targeting of us, they used their heads like hammers to eat away at the exterior. Sally bemoaned, “I feel like I’m not gonna make it back from my lunch hour on time! I’m not getting paid right now, which totally blows!”

“What do we do?” Beck called out from the other side. “I don’t think the homeowners will like what we’re doing to their digs!”

“Gee whiz!” Sam glimpsed at Beck in surprise. “I would’ve expected you to make some inartful comment about getting ingested by the posterior side!”

The second head impatiently hollered, “For the last time, neither of us is the anus! We’re both perfectly equal!”

Pausing its pursuit of us briefly, the first head reacted to that last sentence, “I don’t know about perfectly…”

Suddenly, I foresaw an opportunity for us to at least distract this strange duo for a while! I broadcasted to them both, “Hold on! We need to settle this once and for all ‘cause I’ll only agree to get eaten by the best- which one of you is the superior one?”

“Neither of us!” the second head spat.

“Says the inferior one…” the first head snidely remarked.

The second head turned to face its counterpart in dumbfoundment. “Excuse me?”

With a slight air of arrogance, the first head argued, “Well, I am the one who comes up with the best ideas!”

“Dear brother, I think you’re forgetting how we landed ourselves in this nightmare in the first place!” the second head countered.

“Hey! My plan would’ve worked if it weren’ for your interference!” the first head bickered.

The second head differed, “I had to stop you! Your incompetence was unbearable!”

As fury steadily grew in its eyes, the first head growled, “You do realize that I don’t need you, right? I could eliminate you with a single bite!”

Cackling derisively, the second head scoffed, “I’d like to see how far you’d get without me!”

“Very well!” The first head launched itself toward the second.

“You-!” The second head mimicked its move.

They both swallowed each other’s heads, which resulted in them forming a motionless ring. Sally articulated, “Huh! I was kinda hoping they’d talk about that plan more before they did that! It sounds like an interesting story!”

I recommended, “Let’s get out of here before they regain the ability to tell another tale!” The crow cawed in confirmation, and we sidestepped the snaky circle while we raced away from that spot.

“And then Dawson claimed that Pythagoras was the greatest mathematician of all time! Can you believe that?” Sam chortled.

“I have no idea who that is, so, yeah!” Sally verbalized.

Sam cried out, “What? You’ve never heard of the inventor of the Pythagorean Theorem? I must’ve explained it to you hundreds of times!”

Sally rolled her eyes. “Sounds about right!”

“Is that a bathhouse?” I indicated to a large venue on our left. “Are these demonic beasts actually grooming themselves in this mess?”

“Just ‘cause we’re surrounded by monsters doesn’t mean we have to smell like one!” a young woman chirped as she popped up from one of the tubs and smiled at us.

Sam and Beck were clearly pleased by her presence. Beck queried, “We?”

A few more beautiful women came into view, and none of them appeared to be wearing any clothing! Beck and Sam were enraptured, and one of the women flirtatiously invited us, “You guys can join us if you want!”

The men were ready to accept this offer, but Sally and I blocked them from darting up there. I reminded them, “Did you forget the lesson we learned from the nymphs? They could be dangerous!”

“Totally! But they may not be, and we’d miss out on a rare opportunity if we just walked away!” Beck protested.

“We’re not going anywhere that isn’t an exit out of this joint!” Sally decreed.

One of the bathing women notified us, “You’re in luck! We can help you with that!”

“No, not yet!” I politely refused. “I’m still waiting for the other member of my party to arrive.”

I turned my attention back to the water view as I anxiously waited for my lunch companion to show up. I wasn’t certain what would come of it, and if it didn’t go well, I would have been totally screwed. I tried to think positively, but lately, everything seemed to go wrong for me, so I was expecting more of the same today. I also crossed my fingers that no monsters would interrupt this venture, not with the stakes this high…

The waiter urged me, “You could order without them since they’re so late!”

“Uh, no! I’d rather not!” I didn’t want the embarrassment of having to explain that I wasn’t fronting the bill, and there was no way I could ever afford to eat there on my own! Besides, I was too nervous to eat anyway! I didn’t want to account for why I was completely on edge, so I attempted to wave him off as casually as I could, “It shouldn’t be long! Thank you!”

“Listen, I’ve been in your shoes before!” the waiter sympathized as he sat down beside me.
As I swirled around my ice water just to have something to fidget with, I tittered at that notion, “I sincerely doubt that!”

The waiter consoled me, “There’s no shame in getting stood up! Don’t worry about that jerk who isn’t showing up! There are plenty of fish in the sea!”

“Among other things…” I mumbled as I recalled the strange creatures we contended with in the water.

“What was that?” the waiter catechized.

I chirped, “Nothing!” I spotted a hostess leading someone to my direction, so I notified my waiter, “Ah, here they are now!”

A handsome man in his seventies headed towards me, and my waiter commented, “Ooh! You like them older!”

“That’s my dad,” I informed him.

“Is he seeing anyone?” The waiter checked him out, and he observed, “Oh, he’s married! Never mind!”

I requested, “Could you give us a minute?” The waiter cordially bowed out, and I greeted my dad, “Hey! There’s my old man!”

My dad scoffed at that concept, “Old? Oh, come on! I still look pretty much the same as I did when I was your age!”

“Santa!” Two little kids ran up to him and gave him a hug, and one of them pressed him, “Did you get my letter? I want a blue bike! And don’t give ur baby brother anything- he’s a little terror!”

“Okay! I guess I have aged a bit!” my dad grumpily admitted as the kids’ mother summoned them back to their table. He sat down and instructed me, “Order whatever you like!”

I gazed at him in a slight surprise. “Are you sure? This place is kind of expensive!”

My dad jovially permitted, “Oh, sure! It’s fine! I can write this off in my taxes anyway!”

“How is this business related?” I probed.

“Well, I assume you’re gonna ask me for money…” my dad reasoned.

I momentarily forgot my purpose there, and my face fell. “How did you know?”

My dad explained, “You told me you had something important to discuss, and since you didn’t invite your mom, I assume you’re not pregnant…”

“That’s true! I’m not! And thank goodness I’m not! I didn’t realize my problems could get worse ‘til you brought that up!” I mused.

“Alright, let’s hear it!” my dad invited me.

I took a deep breath, and then I handed him the letter. “They want me to pay a bunch of money in back taxes for the Hecate House! That’s not fair! I just go this place a few weeks ago! And how can they say the property is worth so much? Yeah, I know it’s a big home by the beach, but Doug had trouble getting anyone to take it for free!” I frustratedly buried my head in my hands.

My dad predicted, “Let me guess- your mom’s solution for you was to find a rich man to marry?”

“That was her solution for my financial problems before I got that letter! I didn’t tell her about it- she’d probably insist on it now!” I almost wanted to chuckle at her nonsense, but the laughter couldn’t find my lips. My dad chortled though, so I began to get curious about what his face might entail… “Is that what you’re gonna suggest I do?”

“‘Oh, yeah! ‘Cause that plan worked out real well last time!” my dad kidded.

I grinned. “Now I know where I get my sarcasm from!”

My dad also grinned. “Right! Your mom hates it, but I keep trying to make her smile somehow because she’s always so serious. That’s why I married her- I hoped I could loosen her up a bit. I give up pretty quickly when it seems like a dead end, and I bury myself in my work to avoid her grumpiness, but every once in a while, I take a break from the old grindstone and give it the old college try!” He looked amused at the idea for a while, but he grew more serious when he addressed me, “Don’t listen to what she says! Only marry for love! If you follow your heart, the funds will follow!” I bore a doubtful visage at that, so he added, “Eventually!”

“So, you don’t think I’m a fool for chasing my dream of being an actor?” I quizzed him.

“Not at all!” my dad assured me. “In fact, I’m a bit envious of you!”

I blinked in shock open hearing that. “Wow! First, Sally gets jealous when I get fired, and now I inspired jealousy in you ‘cause I’m divorced and broke?”

My dad elaborated, “What you did took guts! A lot of people aren’t brave enough to take risks like that, and they go their whole lives devoid of passion! When I was younger, I had a dream too! No, it wasn’t take over Pop’s business! I wanted to be a juggler!”

“You can juggle?” I catechized in surprise.

“Sure can!” He grabbed a few oranges off of a display, and it amazed me tosee a man whom I’ve only seen with his nose buried in an expense book perform something so artsy with such accuracy!

The little kids cried out in delight, “I didn’t know Santa could do that!”

My dad stopped when he heard that, and he went on, “I swore up and down I was gonna go out and make a career out of it, but Pop warned me that the good jugglers don’t earn a lot, and if I didn’t get a decent gig, I’d wind up penniless in the streets. I took the secure route, and I hated every minute of it! Don’t spend your whole life wondering what could have been! Go for your goals!”

“I’d like to, but I’ll end up penniless on the streets too with this debt hanging over my head! I haven’t had any luck finding work!” I exasperatedly exhaled.

“That’s ‘cause you’re not employable, sweetie!” my dad remarked. I glanced at him in startlement of his offense, so he elaborated, “You’re strong-willed and smarter than most employers! You’d be better off with your own business! I could give you a job if you learned tax laws, but would you be happy doing that for a living?”

I considered that proposal, “No, but if that’s my only option…”

My dad dissuaded me, “It’s not! First of all, I could make you a receptionist, but we only hire them during the tax season, so you’d still have to find work for two-thirds of the year. The other option is go out on your own! Do your own thing!”

“That sounds nice, but I can’t with that!” I gestured to the letter.

“Well, you could set up a payment plan for that. Of course, you’d be paying off the interest forever… See! I knew we’d get to business at this meeting! It’s totally a ride off!” I giggled slightly, but it was hard not to grimace at this juncture. My dad mulled the matter over for a moment, and then he put forward, “What about my dad’s inheritance account? I never did anything with it…”

I politely refused, “Oh, no! I couldn’t! I’m sure Pop would want you to invest in something better!”

My dad countered that argument, “What could be a better investment than you?” My heart swelled- I couldn’t recall a time I received such kindness and support! Sure, Luke was like that, but he negated everything with his hurtful comments at the dance! My dad put the letter in his pocket, and then he articulated, “Plus, it’ll piss your mom off that I made it so you can keep the Hecate House!” I laughed, and then my dad summoned the waiter, “Sir! Bring us a bottle of your finest champagne!”

One of the little kids exclaimed, “Oh no! Santa drinks alcohol?” My dad shook his head, but we both expressed mirth at this scenario.

The next day, I woke up with a little relief knowing my tax debt issue was resolved, but my spirits were still heavy. I missed Luke, and I hoped that, after I explained myself to him, he’d retract his accusation that I was a gold digger only interested in money. The trouble was that our encounters were so random that I didn’t know when I’d see him again! I needed an activity to keep my mind off of him, and I didn’t have a job to distract me anymore. I could’ve ventured elsewhere to search for a potential employer willing to give me an interview, but I doubted that I could have concentrated on that. I kept thinking about what my dad said about starting my own business- it seemed like the Hecate House would be a prime location to start a small enterprise, but it was nowhere near ready to entertain the public! I decided sprucing up that hovel was the best method of calming down my anxious thoughts…

I worked on buffing out the bannister, nd I became too engrossed in polishing it to perfection to brood on my romantic woes… Or, at least I was until I glanced upwards and saw how little progress I actually made! I got a little discouraged and slumped on the steps, and when I inadvertently kicked the wall, I created a little hole! I groaned due to the extra barrier I made for getting to the finish line… until…

There was something shiny hidden in the crevice! I wondered what was hidden in there, and I dared to grow more optimistic. If it had been kept secret like that, I reasoned that it could have been the key to Pandora’s Box! I swiftly dug for it, and… It was a tin wind-up toy shaped like a chicken! It amused me that I unearthed one of my mom’s long-lost childhood trinkets, but it also got me fixated on what Sally said about more clues resting somewhere in the depths of this abode…

I dashed to Hecate’s letters- well, it seemed easier than running all over the building scouring for some sort of hint about what occurred here so long ago! Besides, Hecate’s lover appeared to have played a huge role in this! I sat down and studied the old papers, and most of it was pretty basic. My jaw dropped a bit when I learned that Hecate got her nipples pierced! I didn’t know that women in the eighteen hundreds did that, and I could’ve gone a lifetime without that knowledge! Especially since it involved one of my ancestors! I cast that image out of my head and prayed that I would find something more substantial than that, and boy, did I ever…

Hecate mentioned waiting for her lover by the secret basement entrance! The secret entrance? She ran a haunted house attraction from there, so I didn’t believe that the entryway for the visitors was what she meant! The staircase leading in couldn’t have been it either since someone had to use it in order to utilize the dumbwaiter, so it had to have had a third means of entering! My curiosity piqued, and I bolted to the basement to discover it!

I walked along the perimeter and knocked over every inch to flush it out. It got rather dull after a while, and I got a lot of dust on my clothes from pressing my ear against the surface to listen for something hollow. I kept setting off the trip wire of the attraction, and that contributed to the difficulty of this task, too! I was beginning to think I read that text wrong when I found it!

After tapping on a spot behind a ghost, a chunk of the paneling opened up! I expected to view the backyard or the nearby beach, but instead, I saw a dark void! I was confused by this until it sucked me into its domain…

She turned around and smiled as she answered, “You look amazing! Luke won’t be able to keep his hands off of you!”

“Shh!” I hushed her in case someone was near the door. “Oh, this was a bad idea! If I make him want me, then I could put everyone in danger! We really need to take some time to figure out what the key is! We’ve been so busy chasing off Halorykta’s monsters that we haven’t been able to do any research on how to stop all this from happening! Where would we even look, though? We’ve tried everywhere!”

“Maybe there’s some sort of clue at the Hecate House,” Sally theorized. “I mean, all this started after we began working on the home, so there’s gotta be something there! Even if there isn’t, we gotta make that place livable for you anyway!”

I groaned, “Oh, right! I’m gonna go broke if I don’t find a solution soon! What am I gonna do?”

Not looking up from her cosmetics application, Sally advised me, “You’re gonna have fun tonight! Clear your head, boost your confidence, and give it some more thought tomorrow! If you put too much pressure on yourself, you’ll explode and create a bigger mess- kinda like that beanstalk!”

“Hey! We had to do something with those lightning bolts!” I defended myself. “What was I supposed to do? Keep it stowed away in my apartment? What if the landlord inspected it? How would I explain that to him?”

“Ladies! You need to hurry! They’re about to let the kids in!” Sam notified us.

Sally shot back, “Give me a minute! I gotta look my best to impress any handsome teachers that show up!”

Beck briefed her, “There aren’t any other teachers coming! That’s why Luke wanted our help!” 

“Really?” Sally pouted in a slight disappointment. She swiftly picked up her beauty products and declared, “Okay, I’m ready!”

“No, you can’t play ‘Rump Shaker!’ It’s not about dancing! Well, maybe a little, but there are some really inappropriate references there!” Luke scolded the deejay.

I brought up to Luke, “This guy doesn’t normally do children’s functions, does he?”

Luke laughed, “I hope not!” We chortled at that quip, and when Luke swiveled around and saw me dressed up, he gawked in astonishment. “Wow! You look beautiful!”

“Thank you!” I glanced down as I blushed.

“Alright, spread out by the dance floor! I’m letting the students in!” Willard announced. 

Libby situated herself somewhat close to my position and reminded me, “Don’t forget to give me your doctor friend’s number before you leave!”

I queried, “Do you have a pen?” She grabbed one from the deejay’s booth as well as a strip of paper for a Homecoming King vote. It felt a bit funny putting Ned’s name there- there’s no way he ever had the charisma to be given that title! Of course, I didn’t tell her that! As I handed it to her, I observed, “Oh, you didn’t get a manicure?”

“Nah! I figured there wouldn’t be any point- it seemed more practical to keep the beanstalk crud in it rather than risk ruining a perfectly good set after another monster attack,” Libby articulated. “We’re not gonna get ambushed again, are we?”

“God, I hope not!” I vehemently expressed.

As the attendees explored various parts of the gym, I saw Mary and Tommy approaching my direction. I complimented the pair, “Hi there! You two look fantastic! I love the corsage! I’ve never seen a carnation with red dots!”

Mary admitted, “Actually, it’s spaghetti sauce! I should’ve picked something cleaner for our dinner!”

“You learn from your mistakes!” I sagely stated. “Trust me, I’ve gained a lot of life lessons over the years!”

“Good to know!” Mary giggled. “Is it against the rules to vote for yourself for Queen?”

Tommy fretted, “Don’t tell her! Now, we’re gonna get into trouble!”

I assured them, “I don’t think it is, but if anyone asks, I won’t tell!” The pair grinned at me, and once they happily walked over to cast their ballots, I savored the moment of fun and started to believe this night wouldn’t turn out so bad after all.

Two hours later, my besties and I stood there bored out of our minds! Not that I wanted monsters or misbehaving teenagers to spice up the evening, but I was hoping we could do more than watch the same few dance moves getting used minute after minute and hour after hour! Sam was doing random equations on his calculator, Sally had a glazed expression as if she was regretting her decision to participate in this rather than go man-hunting somewhere else, and Beck had fallen asleep on a pillar. I may have been tempted into slumbering too if I were comfortable in my shoes! I sighed and decided to grab a glass of punch for what felt like the millionth time…

Preceding my return to the concessions table, Luke flagged me down and catechized, “Having fun?” I gave him a questioning look, and he surmised, “I guess not. Well, they’re gonna announce the Homecoming Royalty in a half hour. That should be amusing!”

“Libby’s so lucky she got to count the votes!” I commented. “I went for the box too, but she snatched it like it was her newborn!”

“If you’re bored, we can dance,” Luke proposed.

I agreed, “Sure! Why not?” I stood before him, and I recalled my skills in this area. “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t! I really suck at it!”

Luke urged me, “Oh, come on! It can’t be that bad!” I felt incredibly dumb for my willingness to demonstrate my abysmal ability to a hunk like him, but he insisted, so I indulged him a bit. I kept it short after seeing his face, and I hung my head out of embarrassment. I expected him to separate himself from me after that, but instead, he lifted my chin up and offered, “Can I teach you a couple of tips?”

“That’d be great!” I beamed out of relief. That was normally a traumatic experience for me, but he was so kind that I felt less ashamed of myself! No one had ever had such a sweet response after witnessing my dancing, and it made my feelings for him deepen…

“You gotta move your hips. No, like this…” He put his hands on my waist and maneuvered them. “There you go!”

I remarked, “Wow! It’s been a while since I’ve used these muscles! Not that I didn’t want to, but I never had reason to with Ned’s performance issues! …Don’t tell Libby!”

Luke smirked. “Eh! Knowing her, she’ll have a trick or two up her sleeve to fix it! After all, she was runner-up for town slut!”

We chortled, and then I realized he was still very close to me. I loved the way his hold felt, and the manner in which he stared at me made my heart flutter. He leaned in for a kiss, and I almost let him, but then I heard the keys in my purse tumble, which caused me to recall that I needed to refrain from getting too close to him until we sorted out what was the key to Pandora’s Box was. I sincerely hoped it wasn’t him, but I couldn’t risk it in case it did turn out to be him. It was the hardest thing in the world to do, but I pulled myself away from him and claimed, “I gotta go to the bathroom! Too much punch, you know…”

“What’s going on?” Luke accosted me prior to me getting too far. “Why do you keep breaking away each time I try to kiss you?”

“Most of the time, it’s ‘cause some crazy creature showed up,” I verbalized. 

Luke riposted, “There’s nothing here now!” I tried to unearth a rationale for that, and I couldn’t. “Look, I think we both know there’s something between us! Why don’t you wanna be with me?”

I responded, “I do! I just…” I considered telling him about the possibility that he could have been what Halorykta was after to evoke the apocalypse, but I didn’t want to put that anxiety on him, so I lamely finished, “… I can’t!”

“It’s ‘cause I’m not rich, isn’t it?” Luke inquired.

“Of course not!” I replied.

Luke didn’t believe me. “Yeah, right! You got a taste for the high life with your ex, and you wanna be with someone who can give that to you again! Ugh, why did I ever fool myself into thinking I could ever meet your standards?”

I got really hurt by his accusation. “That’s not true! I-!”

He turned his back to me. “Forget it!”

His viewpoint really stung, and I wondered if he was really the person I thought he was after saying something so vicious! It also dawned on me that the entire gym’s attention was on me, and it was far worse than showing them how I dance! Tears welled up in my eyes, and I ran out the door! Well, first I crashed into the photo booth, and then I dramatically left the building. My friends followed me, but I refused to talk about it. Discussing it would make it real, and I simply couldn’t accept this as reality…

The next day, I fed Scully, and I slumped on a seat beside her. I had no clue if she was listening, and she probably wasn’t since she was a cat, but I spilled my guts to her anyway, “I screwed everything up! I didn’t do enough to figure out how to end this whole apocalypse saga, and now our whole lives are just one nightmare after another! If I had done more, it wouldn’t have mattered if Luke was the key or not- we could’ve just been together! I could’ve told him the truth so he didn’t fall under the belief that I’m some sort of gold digger! But, I don’t know why he’d assume that- I was a theatre major! No one does that for the money! Well, that’s my fault too ‘cause it’s not like anyone would ever dream up the possibility that they’re the key to Pandora’s Box! I messed up, and who knows how long we can prevent a vengeful goddess from wiping out humanity! I hurt him too much to say goodbye, and now I’ll never get a chance to tell him I’ve fallen head over heels for him!”

I started crying, and Scully glanced up in alarm. She mewed in worry, and then she hopped onto my lap. It was really sweet, and it helped me calm down a little. “You do understand a little! So, I’m not totally insane for sharing my problems with you! Well, what’s your opinion on what I should do?” She didn’t say anything, obviously, so I concluded, “Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t be telling you all this! Maybe I can explain myself to him! It’s worth a shot! Oh, but he’s doing his cab work today, so he could be anywhere in Adonis Shores! Or Monterey! Maybe I can catch him after class! Oh, it’s a little dodgy to have a childless adult hovering around a school! Hmm… Oh, that’s it! I can relay my message to his mom! I’m gonna stop by the salon before I meet up with Sally, Sam, and Beck! Thanks, Scully!” I gave her a hug as I set her down, and I bounced out of the Hecate House with a bit more vigor in my step since I had a plan in place and a small sliver of hope on the horizon…

“Ah, look who’s emerged from the haunted house!” one of the old biddies across the street heckled me.

“Ugh! Please don’t!” I requested.

The second biddy prodded me, “Ate more than you can chew with this project, didn’t you? Are you ready to throw in the towel yet?”

I pushed back, “Not at all! I’ll be able to move in soon, don’t you worry!”

“Oh, yeah?” the first biddy reacted skeptically. “You expect us to believe that hovel is close to livable with a mailbox like that?”

“What’s wrong with the mailbox?” I went to the end of the path and peeked at it, and it stunned me to see so many letters in there! “Oh my god!” It was stuffed to the brim, so I started removing some of the contents so that the mail carrier could put more in.

The second old biddy jokingly cautioned me, “Watch out! A small gremlin could be hiding in there!”

I retorted, “If there is, I’m throwing it onto your porch!”

They seemed to take me seriously and scurried inside, which made me titter. My smile soon turned into a frown when a particular envelope caught my eye. I opened it up, and the color instantly drained from my face! I lost the comfort of knowing what I was going to do- now, I wasn’t sure where to go from here…

“How would we construct a sturdy structure without any tools?” Sam contended with that proposal.

“Maybe we can ask that extremely plump lady if she has some!” Sally bickered. “We never asked her where she was going- she could have been heading to a village with a lumberjack or something!”

Luke’s eyes grew wide with worry. “Oh, god! How do we even know we went the right way?”

I adamantly stated, “We definitely did! Her path was clear, and there’s not a chance that Halorykta would make our intended route so simple!”

“There are always hidden obstacles, though!” Luke argued.

“But would one of her monsters go ahead of us and put themselves in danger?” I countered.

Luke conceded, “Alright, you win! Was there ever a remote chance of me winning, really?”

I grinned. “Of course not!”

The two of us tittered, and it was hard not to gaze at him fondly right then! He made this stressful situation easier to cope with, and he was too charming to stay distressed for too long! He gave me the same sort of stare, and I sense an attraction coming from him. My body was aching for this interaction to turn physical, but it was probably best that Sally cleared her throat to gain our attention! It wouldn’t have been very romantic to do a little kissing with monsters lurking about anyway! Libby glared at me, and I recalled that I didn’t want to see how she acted when her jealousy was activated! I scraped the idea, and I reminded myself that I shouldn’t let myself get too far with him anyhow- one innocent smooch with the potential key to Pandora’s Box could have had apocalyptic consequences!

“I say we knock down a tree and climb it to the other side,” Sally propositioned.

“We can’t cut down an innocent plant!” Willard protested. “It didn’t do anything wrong, why should its life get taken away?

Sam reasoned, “It’s either that or we find some manner of incapacitating them.”

Libby pondered, “How would we do that? We can’t even see them!”

I recommended, “They were all over the water, so if we started throwing things, we’re bound to strike some of them! Back to our old standby!”

“Does that usually work?” Willard posed to us.

“It’s hit or miss!” Luke guffawed.

Everyone but me groaned, and Sally remarked, “Just ‘cause I said I’d prefer the puns to the nasty jokes doesn’t mean I was inviting you to do any!”

Luke frowned at that, but to prevent further dialogue on this subject, I instructed them all, “Okie dokie! Everybody grab a rock and see what happens!”

The six of us each picked up some stones and hurled them into the inlet. The strong half-horse, half-eel creatures resurfaced, and they appeared annoyed by our antics but not harmed by them. Luke assessed, “This isn’t working! We’re gonna need something much heavier!”

“We have to do that for all of them?” Libby bemoaned.

“Uh-oh!” Willard glimpsed at the monsters with trepidation. “I know that look! They’re gonna make it quake again! Brace yourselves!”

Everyone prepared themselves to withstand the tremors, and just when I was starting to believe that this task was impossible, we saw a small pool of yellow liquid drifting towards them, causing the monsters to scurry away! “What the heck?” I puzzled.

At that moment, Beck reemerged and canvassed us, “Does anyone have any hand sanitizer? I had to take a leak back there!”

“You saved us! I could hug you!” Sally almost did embrace him, but then she changed her mind. “Uh, maybe I will after you wash your hands!”

“Forget about that! We need to hurry before those things return!” I articulated.

We hopped across the stepping stones, and Beck catechized, “Wait, how did I save everybody?”

As we neared the end of the forest, Luke amusedly speculated, “Do you think this place is called Nine?”

“Why would it be called that?” Sam inquired.

“Oh no! Please, don’t say it!” Sally cringed.

Luke replied to Sam, “Because then we’d be on Cloud Nine!”

The majority of the crew groaned. Out of habit, Libby kidded, “I’ve got something that’ll put you on…!” She remembered our discussion from earlier, and she hung her head low again and verbalized, “Never mind.”

Even though she annoyed me, I couldn’t help but feel pity for her. I didn’t want to ask her about it, but I got the sense that she may have been seeking the spotlight due to a general loneliness in her personal life. Plus, it was my fault she became despondent like that- me and my big mouth! I put a supportive hand on one of her shoulders and offered, “What if I set you up with someone?”

Sally, Sam, and Beck gave me a peculiar look for that endeavor, and I couldn’t blame them! I didn’t really hang out with a lot of people when I was married since the upkeep of the house kept me pretty busy, hence why I seldom went on dates myself! I kept in touch with some of my theatre friends, but most of the men in that circle would have been more interested in Willard! I was starting to panic from the growing realization that I was unlikely to fulfill my promise, and that would have hurt her feelings even further- her eyes sparkled at the premise! I began to become concerned that I was actually a terrible person…

“Is he handsome?” Libby quizzed me.

“Uh…” I racked my brain trying to drum up one male in my life that was handsome, single, and straight, and after a short stretch, I recollected one man that matched that description… “Yes! He’s a doctor with a country club membership, too!”

Libby squealed in delight, and my besties gawked at me in disbelief. Yes, I was sincerely talking about setting her up with my ex-husband, and it seemed like an insane plan, but really, he harassed me so frequently that it would have been refreshing to have him show interest in somebody else! I wasn’t certain that she was his type, so her pursuit of him may have just annoyed him, which is a fate he totally deserved! As she squeezed me and thanked me for doing this, I shrugged to my friends- I was fine with either scenario of how this crazy escapade ended!

When the path ended, we found ourselves at the foot of an enormous castle. Willard gulped, “Wow! Whoever lives here must be huge!” We glanced at Libby, expecting her to utter a salacious quip based on his phrasing, but she remained mute, so already my insane proposition felt like it was worth it.

“Do we have to go inside?” Sam frowned as he studied the front of the castle. “Couldn’t we choose an alternative method of engaging with this monster, like a strongly worded letter?”

“Saying what?” Sally riposted. “Could you please refrain from endangering our youths with your deadly lightning bolts? ‘Cause clearly you’re a being of pure compassion…!”

Beck rubbed his chin contemplatively. “I don’t see any open windows, so if the dude who lives here tells us to get lost, it could be really hard for us to sneak in!” He knocked on the drawbridge door, and it immediately opened up for us! Nobody had made it ajar, so Beck scratched his head in dumbfoundment. “Huh! That was loads easier than I thought it’d be!”

As we crept inside, I conversed, “Yeah! Almost too easy! What’s the catch?”

Luke reckoned, “Maybe they don’t expect a lot of visitors! I mean, the only other inhabitant seems to be that extremely plump lady!”

“Maybe…” It sounded plausible, but I still had my doubts.

“Get a load of the furniture!” Sally indicated to an end table that towered over us. “It’s like everything here was hit with an enlargement spell!”

Sam asserted, “If I didn’t know any better, I would say that this abode is the only commodity parallel to Jack and the Beanstalk, and a giant lives here!”

I pressed him, “A giant what?” As if on cue, a pair of humungous hands snatched us up like we were weeds that needed to get plucked! I responded to my own enquiry, “Gotcha!”

A towering figure with a tattered toga and a rather primitive visage plopped us onto a wooden counter, and as he struggled to kindle a flame for his antiquated stove, we made a bid for the exit. He spotted us, and he swiftly thwarted our efforts, “Nuh-uh! You’re not going anywhere except my belly!”

He laughed as he returned to his task, and the seven of us glimpsed at each other for clues on what to do, but everyone came up blank. Sally gestured to the balcony, and we saw a human-sized sack of lightning bolts by its entryway! I used my fingers to illustrate that we should grab that sack and flee out of the door we recently used, and Luke pointed to the giant and shrugged. I bit my lip as I contemplated how we could distract the giant so we could escape…

“Okay! In you go!” the giant declared as he put a pot of water on a burner.

“I’m starting not to like big men!” Libby broadcasted.

He reached for us, and Luke grabbed a toothpick like a spear and stabbed the giant’s palm. “Ouch!” the giant cried out.

Willard chided Luke, “Oh my gosh! You don’t need to hurt him!”

I almost wanted to push Willard into the boiling water myself for endangering us over his overly zealous morals, but prior to me getting a word out, the giant praised Willard, “Thank you! You’re so kind! It’s about time somebody was!”

“Are people mean to you?” Willard sympathetically asked.

“Yeah! Just because I eat them doesn’t mean that humans can’t be nice to me!” the giant raved. “All I get is attacked! My front door won’t even stay put since it’s been knocked down several times by all the invasions! It’s so hard to live in peace with all these do-gooders bombarding my home! It’s like no one cares about my feelings!”

Willard gave him a comforting pat on his thumb. “I care! Your feelings are valid, and you matter!” 

The giant buried his head in his arms and wept considerably. Considering he was thoroughly distracted, we quietly rushed off of the table. Well, most of us did- Beck had to grab Willard and save him from himself! I snatched the lightning bolts, and we made a beeline for the doorway, which thankfully was still down! As we fled, Willard triumphantly voiced, “See? And you said being nice to the monsters was a waste of time!”

I shushed him since we were still close to the castle. We sped towards the forest, but the spikey, red lion was guarding it! “How’d it get unstuck?” Sally wondered.

From inside the castle, we heard the giant express, “It means so much to have someone who understands!”

Sam covered Willard’s mouth preceding him reacting to that, and since it was the only alternate route, we snuck behind the castle. This path was pretty clear, but we still moved with caution just in case! Soon, we came across the extremely plump lady’s cottage, and she waved to us from one of her windows! We espied the beanstalk entrance in the new distance, and I bewailed, “Are you kidding? We could’ve avoided all that trouble if we had gone the other direction?” I turned to the lady and probed, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

The giant roared in a betrayed frustration, and we knew we didn’t have long until he caught up with us. We zoomed to the beanstalk and climbed down as fast as possible. Libby lamented, “My shoe fell off!” 

Luke conveyed to her as he gestiuclated upwards, “At least it’s not your head!”

We managed to get to the bottom unscathed, and as Libby grabbed her footwear, the giant peeked down. We distanced ourselves from the beanstalk, but his booming speech bellowed, “I’m gonna get you emotional manipulators!” 

“Not today!” I hurled the entire sack of lightning bolts at the beanstalk. Apparently, that was too many because the entire stalk exploded! Well, you know the rest of my reaction based on the very first paragraph from Chapter One!

“Sick!” a teenage boy exclaimed to his buddy as they poked their heads out of the gym door.

A teenage girl communicated to Willard, “Principal Saberhagan? Can I go on a break?”

Willard’s exasperation over the entire transpiration seemed to torpedo to the surface because he couldn’t stop himself from snapping, “Oh, do whatever you want! It’s your stupid Homecoming! If you don’t want it to look nice before your peers arrive, that’s on you!”

The students looked stunned at this uncharacteristic display of anger from him, and Beck vocalized, “Whoa! I think we broke him!”

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to get a pedicure!” Libby proclaimed as she studied her nails in disgust before walking off in a huff.

“Well, I suppose we oughta change!” I propositioned to Luke, Sally, Sam, and Beck as I ogled our disheveled and slightly singed appearances. “Let’s just hope the only disaster at this event will be my horrible dancing!”

Taking offense to that, she huffed, “Are you calling me a dog?”

“No, no, no!” Willard avidly assured her. “I just… Help me out here, guys!”

“Alright, same process!” I addressed the others. “Three, two, one- go!”

We used all of our might to push her off, and again, we were successful, but in this instance, she landed on top of Beck. Sally upbraided her, “You know, it’s kind of unfair for you to only target the men!”

Luke posed to Sally, “Are you complaining about not being a victim?”

“Not anymore!” Sally retracted her statement.

“This method is doing nothing to subdue our adversary,” Sam observed. “We should deploy a different tactic.” 

I fretted, “We don’t have time to think of a more clever plan!”

Beck notified us, “Nah, I’m alright! This reminds me of a girl I dated in college…”

“Okay, let’s think! What are some other ways we could…?” I trailed off when I noticed Libby ambling off of the path. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, I can’t participate in this one,” Libby relayed to me. “I just did my nails, and they’re very delicate! Plus, I look totally fetching when I walk away from someone! Don’t you agree, Luke? Luke, do you-?”

Mid-sentence, Libby tripped and fell backwards onto the grass! We burst out in a fit of giggles, and I joshed her, “What man wouldn’t enjoy watching that?”

Glaring at me, Libby hissed, “Hey! It’s not my fault that someone left this ugly sock here!” She tossed a fez-like cap with a tassel into the bushes as she pouted on a log.

“My hat!” the extremely plump woman cried out in delight.

I ordered Libby, “Get it!”

Libby let out an exasperated exhale, but she got up and strolled over to the shrubbery. She tried to reach her hands inside, but she immediately pulled back. “Gross! There are little thorns!”

“Gosh, I thought you liked touching pricks!” Sally teased her as she approached the bush.

“Not small ones!” Libby smiled triumphantly at her comeback.

Sally rolled her eyes as she used her sweatshirt as a glove and cleared the bramble. “Big is only better if the aim is good!” Sally showed her the hat with a grin, and Libby folded her arms grumpily.

After pulling the bristles out of it, Sally handed the hat to the extremely plump lady. She gratefully regarded Sally, “Thank you! Here’s a token of my appreciation!” She handed her a jar of honey. “You may find it useful on your journey! Oh, take this too!” She handed her an orange lily. Once she placed the hat on top of her headdress, she jovially tipped it to us and merrily went down a trail opposing ours.

“All that trouble, and she just had to look ten feet in front of her?” I muttered.

“I heard that!” the extremely plump lady shouted. Before we got ourselves in deeper trouble, we hurried away from that spot.

As we trekked forward, Willard asked Luke, “So… this is what you do during your time off? Not judging, just curious!”

Luke answered, “I guess you could call it my third job!”

“Oh, Luke! You work too hard! You need to relax more!” Libby massaged his shoulders.

“I thought you didn’t wanna do anything with your delicate hands!” I needled her.

Libby snapped back, “I’ll make an exception for him! I live for his pleasure!”

Luke winced. “Stop it! It hurts!” 

“I’m so sorry!” Libby apologized. “Let’s go behind those trees, and I’ll make you feel better!”

“Even if he was interested, that’s not a good idea, dude! There could be a monster there!” Beck warned her.

Libby dismissed that claim, “Oh, please! What makes you think there’s a monster right there?”

At that precise second, a red lion with a human-like face and a mane made of large quills emerged, growling at us! Beck responded to Libby’s enquiry, “That!”

“Whoa! You’re hideous!” Willard realized he had uttered that thought out loud, and he apologetically conveyed to it, “Oh, that was mean! Forgive me!”

“Don’t worry about the monster’s self-esteem!” I recommended as I pushed him out of the trajectory of the quills that it launched off of its body.

We all sought refuge behind the slender trunks, and once it appeared that the immediate peril subsided, it occurred to me that I had accidentally positioned myself close to Luke! His hold was so strong, but his warm touch was comforting, so it was almost tempting to stay like that for a while… I swiftly recalled where I was, and I peeled myself off of him to peek at our opponent. I grimly noted, “He’s guarding the only route out of this area!”

Sam bemoaned, “Great! How do we get past that creature? We don’t have access to any sort of weaponry from this vantage point!”

Sally glanced at the two items that the extremely plump lady handed her, and she wondered, “Maybe it’s allergic to flowers?”

“I’d say let’s offer it some honey, but I’m pretty sure it only eats meat! Specifically, humans too…” Luke speculated.

“As a maneater myself, I wouldn’t say no to a bit of honey!” Libby flirtatiously joked.

After shaking my head in irritation, I snapped, “Now’s not the time unless you wanna get an ass full of quills!” Libby unwillingly clammed up, and then I petitioned the others, “Is there some other method of using the honey aside from feeding that thing?”

Sam suggested, “We could utilize the contents of that jar to blind it. I’m not certain what would happen to an individual if they got some in their eyes, but it couldn’t be a pleasant experience!”

“How do we get close to it without getting nailed?” Beck catechized.

“I swear, if you make one remark about a different meaning of getting nailed, we’re feeding you to that beast!” I barked at Libby. Libby closed her mouth and appeared quite sullen about this predicament.

Sally indicated to the branches above the path and propositioned, “One of us could drop the honey from up there!”

Sam asserted, “The largest branch still looks too rickety for the average adult, so we would have to elect someone very slender… And, of course, it’ll have to be me! Sigh! I really need to start working out more!”

We assisted Sam in getting to the lofty twigs, and Sally handed him the honey. We watched with bated breath as Sam scooted closer and closer to the monster, and we knocked on wood that this plan would pan out. He was almost there, and our hopes of success began to rise, but then, all of a sudden, a bird swooped in and started pecking him! “Oh, knock it off! I’m not after your young!” Sam cried out. The monster caught sight of this spectacle, so Sam rolled off of the tree and reached the ground prior to getting impacted by the quills. Sam stood up looking quite vexed, and when he heard the monster snarling, he yelled, “Oh, shut up!”

Out of a fit of anger, Sam hurled the jar of honey at the monster. For a split second, we worried about losing our only possible weapon, but the glass shattered on its nose, and several pieces got buried in its skin! The monster howled in pain and rolled over in a vain attempt to remove the shards, and in so doing, its quills got stuck in the dirt! The monster couldn’t get itself out! “Oh, no! That poor creature can’t free itself!” Willard wailed.

“Don’t pity it! Run!” I instructed him. We emerged from the trees that shielded us and raced away preceding anything enabling the monster from riding itself of this disadvantage.

“Isn’t it weird how we’re on this cloud forest created by a vindictive goddess, and there’s still wildlife scampering around like everything is normal?” I mused as I watched a squirrel gathering pistachios. “Aww! That little guy is hiding his nuts!”

Libby quipped, “If this big guy needs a place to hide his nuts, I’ve got a place!” Libby ogled Luke aodringly.

Everybody groaned at that cheesy line, and Sally grumbled, “Jeez, I never thought I’d miss the puns!”

“Hey!” Luke got mildly hurt by that comment.

“Could you cool it with the sex stuff?” Beck requested to Libby. “It makes us wanna hurl!”

Libby simpered, “I can’t resist! It’s just the impulse that comes with being the town slut!”

We all halted in our tracks and stared at Sally. Sally blinked in shock and reacted, “Excuse me?” 

“It’s true!” Libby expressed as-a-matter-of-factly. “I’ve slept with all of the most handsome men in town!”

“Oh, the things you learn about your colleagues when you’re off-campus!” Willard cringed.

Sam changed the subject, “We’ve come to an inlet that obscures our pathway, so my presumption would be that we are to encounter a monster in the depths of that water.”

Luke descried, “Our only avenue across is that set of stepping stones, and it wouldn’t be difficult for anything to ambush when we’re on there!”

“I’m the town slut!” Sally insisted.

“Focus!” I directed them. “How are we gonna get across the inlet safely?”

Beck suggested, “We could follow the bank to see where it narrows and just hop to the other side.”

Sam contended with that idea, “That may go on for miles, and we don’t have the time or energy for that sort of fact-finding expedition.”

“There’s no way you’ve had more affairs than me!” Libby argued with Sally. “Even if you did, it’s only ‘cause you had more opportunities, seeing how you’re much older than me!”

“Enough already!” I shrieked. “Sally is the town slut! You wanna know why? When she submits to a man’s advances, it’s ‘cause she likes him, not ‘cause she’s fighting to get the man to like her! She doesn’t keep trying to pursue someone who isn’t interested in her! So, now that this is settled, can we move on?”

I didn’t mean to do that- the words just sort of slipped off of my tongue! Clearly, my speech struck a nerve since Libby hung her head low and complied, “Okay!” I felt terrible for being so brutally honest, but I didn’t really have a chance to apologize…

Willard enlisted himself, “I’m crossing the inlet!”

“Are you sure?” Luke quizzed him. “It’s really dangerous!”

“Yeah, I’m kinda fine with that right now!” he vaguely referenced the recent drama.

We watched him jump onto the first stepping stone with pins and needles surging throughout our veins. We had no clue what would emerge from the water, but we definitely feared for his safety! So far, no one had gotten seriously injured from these misadventures, and obviously, none of us wanted to witness any casualties! I crossed my fingers for his secure passage, and I strove to convince the others, “Maybe nothing will happen, and everyone can cross smoothly!” No one believed that, not even me! We grew even more nervous as Willard prepped to bound over to the next stepping stone…

Suddenly, aquatic horses with the top halves of ponies and the bottom halves of eels floated up to the surface! We couldn’t imagine what sort of attack these strange creatures would launch, and it stunned us to view them making the water vibrate enough to shake all of the neighboring land! Willard struggled to return to shore, but thankfully, he managed to do it! He fell onto his face, and then he mumbled, “This better be mud!”

“That’s it! I’m gonna walk for a bit and see if it gets narrow,” Beck stomped off once the movement halted.

“How are we supposed to survive this?” Luke pondered.

I sighed, “Let’s hope Beck finds a bridge! Or maybe even another monster willing to throw us over there!” 

“No, it doesn’t!” Sam disagreed. “I don’t see the ropes Coch Raymond used to make us climb!”

Luke briefed us, “They took those out a few years ago due to safety issues.”

Sam balked at that concept, “What? That feebleminded activity lowered my grade, and it turns out that I shouldn’t have had to do in the first place! That’s not fair!”

“Would you rather have kids continue to do it and get hurt?” Beck challenged Sam.

“No, but…” Sam’s thought petered out mid-sentence, but he was still clearly miffed about this update.

Luke instructed us, “Grab any box you see lying around, and stick the decorations wherever you feel like it!”

I glimpsed through the nearest box and peered at the objects curiously. “Venetian masks, gold jewelry, roses… What the heck is the theme for this dance?”

“Romeo and Juliet,” Luke let me know.

“Seriously?” I cried out incredulously. “Do they know how it ended?”

Luke chuckled, “I don’t think so! Half the prom committee was too busy drooling over Leonardo DiCaprio to pay much attention to the plot!”

Sally related to that, “Same here! I’m glad there was something there to distract me from the terrible acting!”

Jokingly, Luke cautioned Sally, “Don’t say that when the students are here! You’ll cause a riot!”

“Hey, Luke!” A shapely woman strolled up to him and smiled sweetly. “The deejay wants to go over some contract details…”

“Be right there, Libby!” Luke responded to her. He turned to me and broadcasted, “If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask!”

Trying to sound as casual as possible, I queried him, “I do have one question… Who’s Libby?”

Luke genially filled me in, “Oh, she’s the British Literature teacher.”

“And she approved of the theme?” I reacted in aghast. Luke tittered and shrugged prior to joining Libby at the deejay booth, and I muttered, “I don’t like her!”

“But, how can you make such a determination based on so little information?” Sam’s brows furrowed.

Sally sided with me, “I get that! She gives off snake vibes with that low-cut getup and come-hither eyes- she’s giving you real competition!”

I became defensive at that insinuation, “What are you talking about? Luke and I aren’t a couple, and we may never be if he turns out to be the key to Pandora’s Box! He’s free to date whoever he wants!”

“Oh, Penny, you know that’s not true, or else you wouldn’t have worn such a flattering outfit!” Sally contended.

“It’s just a spaghetti strap dress!” I argued. “I guess it shows off my figure a little, but if I were trying to capture his focus, I wouldn’t have worn a t-shirt underneath it! Do you think it’s too late for me to take it off, though?”

Beck theorized, “You wanna get into your gown early to look prettier than Libby? He’s worked with that skank for ages, probably, and he still chases after you, so you’re fine, dude!”

I blushed profusely upon hearing that. “What do you mean? He’s just…! I’m…! Um… It’s fine! I’m fine!”

None of my besties believed my rickety claim, but thankfully, they didn’t have time to deliberate the issue because a red-headed man with freckles and a clipboard approached us and asked, “Can I help you with something?”

“Oh, no! We came with Luke to lend a hand in the decor!” I answered. I recognized that we were basically just lurking on the outskirts of the dancefloor, so I hastily grabbed the box in front of us to appear as believable as possible.

“Great!” he chirped. “Well, I’m Principal Saberhagan, and I’m super excited to have you on our team! Welcome aboard!”

We thanked him, and once he was out of our earshot, Beck remarked, “That guy’s energy though! I think I got a cavity just listening to him talk!”

I discouraged that viewpoint, “Be nice! At least he’s not shunning us or trying to hire us to do witchcraft like other people in Adonis Shores are doing right now!”

“That’s true!” Sam acknowledged. “At least he won’t behave like a malcontent when he gets dragged along on whatever monstrous ensnarement we partake in tonight!” 

“Oh, don’t say that!” Sally chided him. “I mean, I know she’s evil, but I don’t think she’d strike in a room full of children!”

Beck pointed out, “She’s already ambushed us with kids around! Remember what happened a couple of days ago?”

Shuddering slightly at that memory, I articulated, “I try not to! It’s possible she’d ruin the kids’ Homecoming, but I doubt she’d actually do it ‘cause, so far, the youngsters who get involved with this crap have been more helpful than the adults!”

“Negative!” Sam disagreed. “She would choose to strike when the potential damage is maximal! She’s going to strike today!” As if on cue, there was a tremendous thump outside, and the impact of whatever enormous commodity that was out there shook the building significantly! Sam folded his arms sullenly as he grumbled, “Well, I was still right about what day she would act!”

“What’s going on?” Principal Saberhagan inquired from the other side of the room.

Covering the side door I was peeking out of, I replied, “Nothing! Everything’s totally normal!” Principal Saberhagan didn’t quite believe me, but he didn’t voice any objections. Once he was satisfied, I requested to Luke, “Could you come here for a second?”

Luke notified the deejay, “I’ll be right back!”

“Uh, no! He’s busy right now!’ Libby steered Luke’s shoulder so he faced away from me.

“Well, that may be, but he needs to come here and get busy with me!” I realized how that comeback sounded, so I tried to clarify myself, “That’s not what I meant!”

Luke freed himself from Libby’s grasp and relayed to her, “You can handle this!” Libby opened her mouth to protest this decision, and he probed, “Isn’t that why you named yourself co-chair of the Homecoming committee?”

Twirling her hair in a mischievous guilt, Libby affirmed, “Not exactly…”

After rolling his eyes at her, Luke marched over to me, leaned in, and catechised in a low tone, “Is there a monster?”

“Monster is a bit harsh! She’s a bit of an animal, but…” I mulled it over for a moment, and then it registered to me who he was referring to. “Oh, you mean outside! Well, it’s… something…!”

“Are you serious?” Sam griped as I made the door ajar enough for them to see what was out there.

Libby, the deejay, and Principal Saberhagan all glanced up when they heard his outburst, so I put on a nonchalant visage and communicated, “We’re gonna take care of something out here real quick! Excuse us!”

We dashed out the door, and in the middle of the parking lot, we beheld a giant beanstalk reaching up into the clouds! Sam complained, “This is an element of a narrative that originated in Medieval England, not Ancient Greece!”

“Actually, early versions of Jack and the Beanstalk go back five thousand years to the Indo-Pacific region,” Luke corrected him. “The Greeks probably did trade there and repeated their own version to their homeland. They didn’t have the printing press yet, but popular tales stuck around through an oral tradition.”

“Did someone say oral?” Libby emerged with a sly smirk. 

I riposted, “Are you for real? Don’t you see that giant thing over there?”

Libby shot back, “Oh, I’m sure it’s giant! That’s why I came out here!” She finally noticed the beanstalk, and she grew bugged-eyed. “Oh my gosh! There’s a huge plant over there!”

“It’s not really posing a threat, so do we have to climb it?” Sally pondered.

“I wanna climb it!” Libby commented.

Sally barked, “Calm down, hot pants! We get it, you’re horny! No one cares!”

Libby readied herself to argue with that, but then Principal Saberhagan came outside and canvassed us, “What are my happy helpers doing out here? We got a lot of work to… Aw, why the long faces?” Everyone except Libby pointed to the beanstalk, and Principal Saberhagan blinked in bewilderment. “Oh, my! Is this a really ambitious parade float?”

“No, Willard! I don’t think any of our students can afford that much chicken wire!” Luke conveyed to him.

“You know what, I think Halorykta is losing her touch!” I opined. “We could go up there and face something really dangerous and annoying, or we could avoid the entire situation altogether by chopping that thing down immediately! Simple as that! Nice try, Halorykta! We’re getting too smart for you!” I laughed at the perceived error in her logic, but then a bolt of lightning struck behind us! We ran forward, and more came down! I backtracked my previous statement, “Okay, maybe her plan wasn’t that simple after all!”

We sought refuge on the beanstalk, and we watched lightning continually striking all around us without pause. Willard fretted, “Heavens to Betsy! This is quite the unusual meteorological event!”

Beck verbalized, “This isn’t a weather front, dude! Regular lightning hits the tallest point, and if this was typical behavior, the lightning would’ve hit that flagpole! …or this plant!”

“Someone’s doing this on purpose?” Libby pondered.

“Yes, so long story short, we incurred the wrath of an ancient goddess, so now we have to survive the ensnarements that she sends out to us,” Sam apprised them.

Willard protested, “Wait, why are we keeping that story short! I feel like angering a goddess is something you should probably elaborate on!”

Sally informed him, “Yeah, that’s fair! But, we don’t have a minute to spare here! We’re gonna have to get up there and fight some monsters before the Homecoming attendees arrive!”

“Monsters? Ew! I don’t wanna do that!” Libby refused.

“Oh, thank god! Just stay here ‘til we’re finished!” I directed her as we began scaling the vegetation.

Libby espied Luke in our mix, and she called out to him, “Don’t worry, Luke, baby! I won’t leave you!” We all groaned as she joined us.

I wasn’t certain what to expect upon our entrance, but I anticipated a floor comprised of clouds and a plethora of fairy tale elements, but we entered into a forest full of tall, skinny trees and leafy, green herbage! The ground was solid like regular grassland, too! Willard exclaimed, “Did someone spike the punch already? I must be hallucinating!”

“You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better!” Luke suggested.

“Oh, Luke! I’m so scared! Hold me!” Libby pressed herself against him in a melodramatic fashion.

Luke buzzed Willard, “Can I file for harassment even though we’re technically off campus?”

Sam warned Libby, “Listen, there are a lot of craven creatures during these encounters, so we need everyone’s hands free!” 

“But-!” Libby quarrrled.

“No!” Sam adamantly decreed. “We have a job to do! We can’t have anyone rolling around together!”

Right after he spoke, an extremely plump lady popped out of a bush and tackled Sam! As they tumbled on the floor, Libby carped, “Well, that’s not fair! How come you get to do it!”

When their movement ceased, the extremely plump lady landed on top of his chest! Her obtuse nose poked out of her headcovering, and her bulbous eyes fiendishly gawked at him. She commanded, “Give me back my hat!”

“Sure, no problem!” Sam obliged.

“You know where it is?” Sally glimpsed at him in surprise.

Sam admitted, “No, but I hoped she’d get up if I said that!”

I determined, “We’re gonna have to push her off!”

“What’s gonna happen if we do that?” Willard wondered.

“We’re about to find out!” I asserted. Everybody but Libby prepared themselves to bombard her with all of our might, and when we finally sprang out and used our entire force, she tumbled off! But then…

“I always sit down when I come to work! Why would today be any…?” I cut off my own sentence when something he said registered to me as different… “Did you just call me Penny?”

Mister Macquire stated, “That’s what my daughter calls you.”

My stomach sunk. So, my worst suspicion was confirmed- he was the Mister Macquire Cassandra’s babysitter was referring to last night! I felt myself emerge on tenderhooks as I stood in the lobby, and I hoped I could save my job with plausible deniability, “There are a lot of women named Penny out there! Maybe Penny Marshall is directing a picture in Adonis Shores…”

“Does Penny Marshall also wear those same horrible flats with a bow that you think match everything?” Mister Macquire countered.

“She might!” I contended. “And, they’re black- they do match everything!”

Mister Macquire crinkled his nose in disgust. “They still smell like horse feces!”

I lamented, “Still? I spent half the night scrubbing them!” He gave me a discerning look, so I explained, “Look, it’s not my fault! Cassandra ran up that hill ‘cause she was unsupervised, and the oracle put a barrier up after she joined us, so it was too late to send her back! We kept her safe, though, my friends and I should get credit for protecting her from monsters!”

“I’m not interested in discussing the supernatural stuff!” Mister Macquire barked.

“You’re not?” I puzzled. “Wait, have you dealt with it before? Or, maybe Cassandra did?”

Mister Macquire let out an exasperated exhale. “I don’t understand any of that gobbledy-gook, but I’m glad she was shielded from danger! I appreciate you keeping her alive, but you didn’t show much consideration for my property! She was wearing silk- how could you let her go swimming in that?”

I stared at him in aghast. “Seriously? Out of all the things you could get mad about, that’s what you fixated on? It’s not like it was cold outside- who cares if she got a little wet!”

“You can’t get silk wet! It damages the material!” Mister Macquire cried out.

“I’m sorry! It just never occurred to me that someone would send a child to the movies wearing something expensive and delicate!” I defended myself.

Mister Macquire muttered, “Angelica told me they were going to the theatre, so I assumed she was attending an orchestra concert! I can’t believe I have to fire two people within twenty-four hours!”

I responded to that notion, “You’re firing me for staining a dress? I didn’t even do it during working hours!”

“Look, I can’t trust you now, so I’ve told the temp agency not to invite you back. Please, empty your desk!” Mister Macquire requested.

“It is empty!” I affirmed.

Mister Macquire blinked in surprise. “Oh!” The phone rang, and he inquired, “Are you gonna answer that?” 

I angrily replied, “No! You just fired me!”

Huffing impatiently, he grumped, “Well, since I’m stranded without a secretary, you could pick up the slack before you go! If you could also grab the mail on your way out, that’d be great!” I wanted to tell him what he could do with his mail, but I was too livid to summon the words, so I simply stormed out. 

“Excuse me, ma’am! Are you a registered voter?” a man with a clipboard petitioned me outside.

“Not now!” I spat.

The man trailed me and articulated, “Fantastic! I have the forms to make sure you can participate in next month’s election!”

I irately conveyed to him, “I am registered, but I’m in no mood to talk to anyone right now, so goodbye!”

“Can I get a signature to lower the amount of salt put into our food?” the man shouted after me.

“Listen, I…” I contemplated that concept for a moment, and then I changed my mind. “Actually, yeah! That’s a cause I could get behind!” After I hastily signed his form, I felt my nerves become slightly alleviated imagining Halorykta’s reaction to that ballot measure!

When I got home, I didn’t want to cry! Well, actually, I physically felt the impulse to blubber endlessly ready to burst out, but mentally, I wanted to do something to fix everything, just erase the pain this incident created like it never happened! I was determined to bounce back on my feet right away, so much so that I didn’t want to sit down! I did not need that job- well, I did need the work, but I thought I could get another job somewhere else! …Except I couldn’t, which is why I took that horrible job in the first place! My mind was so muddled, and I recognized that the only way to get my innermost turmoil out was to do some venting…

It was still early, so I reckoned everyone else was with their employers, which meant there was only one person I could call… I steeled myself up and reluctantly hit five on the speed dial… “Penny!” my mom greeted me in surprise. “Was there another blackout at your job?”

“It’s not my job anymore! I was fired!” I revealed.

“Fired? Why? What did you do?” my mom quizzed me in appal.

My initial response was to get upset that she would automatically assume I  was the one who erred, but once I fought the urge to argue with the queen of stubbornness, I realized I had a real conundrum on my hands- what on Earth would I tell her about that night? I brought my boss’s daughter to a mythical mountain where she helped us fight monsters sent by an apocalyptic goddess, and her father didn’t like how I handled that? Well, there was one aspect of that debacle that I could discuss with her… “I accidentally stained his little girl’s clothes!”

I anticipated my chiding me for my neglect, but to my surprise, she reacted indignantly on my behalf, “Well, that’s a stupid reason to terminate someone!”

“You really think so?” I was floored that my mom was actually showing me some solidarity! Perhaps this juncture wasn’t a total loss after all…

“Absolutely!” she confirmed. “You don’t need to work for such a shortsighted person!” My heart swelled under the presumption that my mom had, indeed, intended to give me the support that I desperately needed, and I made certain to savor that second of delight… Literally, it didn’t last long since she added, “You have a potential husband that can take care of you!”

Even though this was entirely on brand for her, it still took me a lengthy stretch to absorb what she was trying to tell me. “What?”

My mom elaborated, “Mister Foster makes a considerable sum as a personal banker, but even if he lost that position somehow, his family is fairly well-off, so you’d be fine no matter what happens! Oh my dear, give him a chance! You would never worry about finances again, and you could free yourself of the curse! Just picture it, Missus Penny Foster!”

“That sounds more like a cheap beer than a title to be proud of!” I riposted. She bristled at my remark, but preceding her lecture on my attitude, I challenged her, “What would you do if I married a poor man?”

“Don’t get romantic on me!” my mom shot back. “We need to be practical here- now, what are you gonna do? How are you gonna get by?”

I assured her, “I have enough to get by for a little while!”

She probed, “And, after that?”

So much for getting some maternal comfort! I didn’t know what to say, but thankfully, someone knocked on the door. I sarcastically regarded my mom, “That’s the bum I picked up at the beach- we’re gonna go boil a can of beans over a campfire together!”

“That’s not funny!” my mom snapped.

“I’ll tell him you said hello!” I joked before hanging up. I smirked picturing her fury if I carried through with that premise and wedded a school teacher with a meager salary, but gut wrenched as I recalled that I couldn’t be with him in case he was the key to Pandora’s Box! This day was emotional torture, and I prayed that whoever had come to visit wasn’t planning on adding to my pile of misery!

It was a relief to see Sally on the other side of that door! Although viewing her in casual clothing on a weekday was a bit odd… “You’re off today?” I asked her.

She comically answered, “Totally! Also, I skipped a shift at Paymart to go to a gynecology appointment! I had a morning appointment, but I took the entire day off ‘cause it’s awkward to do a shift right after you’ve been probed!”

“How’d it go?” I posed to her as she sat on my couch.

“Oh, bad news… That hunk of a doctor working on me examining me was married!” Sally grinned.

I laughed, “Who picks a medical office based on how attractive the staff is?”

Sally corrected me, “Actually, my friend in the Poetry Club is the receptionist at the clinic… Of course, that’s why she recommended it…”

“Makes sense!” I glanced at her jovial behavior, and I grew curious about something. “How did you know I was here?”

“I called that architect’s number to see if you wanted to do an early lunch, and that douchebag told me what happened,” Sally filled me in. “If it makes you feel any better, he sounded overwhelmed and close to tears!”

Scoffing at that image, I commented, “Good!” After that brief moment of levity, I articulated, “It’s not like I’ll miss it there, but I’ll miss the paychecks!”

Sally expressed, “You’re so lucky!” I glimpsed at her questioningly, so she clarified, “You got to leave that environment! I’ve been at mine for oever twenty years, and I haven’t been able to get away! My only experience is in retail, and it’s not like I’d have better luck at another store- they’re all run the same! I’d be willing to give another place a try though, but I never have the time to go looking elsewhere! Do you know how hard it is for them to let anyone go? I didn’t even tell them I took the day off ‘til five minutes before my shift was supposed to start- they just accepted it! Psh! I’ll be stuck there forever!”

“Hmm, I never thought anyone would be jealous of what I went through!” I bemused. “I know, the universe just paved a path for me to go somewhere more fun, but I struggled to find work before this, and I really don’t wanna go through that again! Then, I talked to my mom about the situation, and she suggested I get hitched to that horny banker of hers! He makes Ned look like a Casanova!”

“Why would you go to her for something like this?” Sally pondered. “Don’t you usually run to Kitty for these kinds of issues?”

I cringed at her bringing up this sore subject. “Sally, I can’t see her ‘til I figure out if her son could accidentally obliterate humanity! I don’t know if she’s discovered that I was the one her son has feelings for or not, but I don’t wanna hear her try to put us together when we gotta stay apart! Then, if he’s not the key, and the relationship doesn’t work out, I’d lose her friendship too!”

Sally pointed out, “So, you’re not going to her salon ‘cause you’re afraid of not going to her salon?”

“Oh, gosh! It’s already happening!” I exclaimed.

“Listen, no one’s gonna push you to do something you’re uncomfortable with! Personally though, I think the best way to get over something is to get under someone! But, since Luke is teaching class right now anyway, we’ve gotta try something else! Let’s go chat with Kitty and then go to lunch- my treat!” Sally advised me. I was still hesitant, so she supplemented that with, “I went looking for you at Goldi Locks first, so she’s expecting you to come tell her all about it!”

I groaned slightly, and then I verbalized, “Alright, but if the topic of romance comes up, can you bring up something else?”

Sally agreed, “You’ve got it! It’s gonna be a fun day! …As long as no monsters show up!” She knocked on my wooden table for luck as I grabbed my purse, and I concluded that I should probably forget about job hunting and work on ending this end-of-the-world adventure once and for all!