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Crosblog

Because the world needs one more unsolicited opinion

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Finding inspiration...

You know what I needed to get me to write another blog post?

If you said "another crazy wife/car keys" story - take a bow!

For those not familiar, my wife and the keys to her truck are a long running source of comedy those not tasked with finding them after she "loses" them, by which I mean everyone but me.

So, spouse heads out to go grocery shopping. Your hero (that's me), is preparing everyone's hero (that's Xander) for bed when the phone rings. Caller ID says it's Publix.

"Honey...I locked my keys in the truck."

Good news? Publix isn't that far away. Bad news - she not only has her keys to the truck, she also has my keys, which means nobody's getting in the truck. Still, she can't walk home, right? I'm at least 53% sure she shouldn't walk home. So Xander (in his pajamas) and me are off to rescue the crazy redhead.

I pull into Publix to see her waiting by the truck. Since we can't take the truck home (remember, she has my keys as well), we have to load the groceries into my car. She's sure she locked her keys in the truck, so there isn't any other choice, right? I move one, count 'em one, bag. What do I see?

So, the spouse continues to lose her keys without, you know, actually losing her keys, but there is one silver lining.

Xander found the whole side trip (and delayed bedtime) enormously entertaining.

# posted by Gib : 10:52 PM

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Politics in the South - How do the rest of y'all entertain yourselves?

Here in Georgia, primary season has only just started. I saw a commercial where former Governor Roy Barnes is trying to win his job back by ensuring us that the State has tons of money to spend or something, which is really cool since I'm a government worker who's losing four days pay due to budget crunch-related furloughs. (Of course, I'm not a state employee. If I was, I'd be looking at more like twelve unpaid days off.) But if you belong to a special interest group that Roy really, really needs, we got the dough.

My point? If the only other candidate running has as his key platform plank - "Will go door to door and jab every voter in the eye with a fork," I'm not voting for Roy Barnes.

So, until stuff heats up around here, we have South Carolina. On the Republican side, the leading candidate for governor happens to be a female of Indian descent. Fringe actors trying to derail her campaign used allegations of marital infidelity and religious and racist slurs against her. Following this racist and sexist assault, said candidate saw her lead widen, and is now the prohibitive favorite to capture both the GOP nomination and the Governor's mansion. This is all supposed to establish what racists we all are down here.

Got it. (See - if you voted against Haley, you obviously did so because you're a racist or a misogynist or something. But if you voted for Haley, well, she was endorsed by Sarah Palin. Need I say more?)

Meanwhile, on the other side, the Democrats have nominated for Senate this guy who...well...we're not sure about the whole porn thing...he...let's see...

...he's a Republican plant! Which is of course ridiculous. Jim Demint was winning this election hands down whether the nominee was Alvin Greene or that guy who tried to win but lost to someone literally nobody has ever heard of and should totally be laughed out of the entire state of South Carolina if it turns out he spent all this time coming up with a political platform that couldn't prevail over "the other guy's name came first" or "has the same name as a moderately famous guy." Seriously, if anything comes out of this whole South Carolina thing, it should be that Vic Rawl becomes the Mulkey brothers of politics.

Besides, does anybody think the GOP would cheat that ridiculously in an election they were certain to win?

I mean, again?

# posted by Gib : 9:18 PM

Sunday, June 06, 2010

If I were inclined to support conspiracy theories...

I would say that this whole "flotilla" thing was something rigged up by Turkey's leaders to provoke a break from Israel. Turkish PM Erdogan seems to be striving to assert a leadership role in the Muslim world, a role that Turkey would appear to be a natural for, with maybe on thing standing in the way, that being Turkey's very strong, very solid ties to Israel.

So, what does Erdogan do? He can't just up and make a statement about how Turkey no longer thinks Israel is a real country. He's the prime minister of Turkey, not dean of the White House Press Corps. What he needs is a Maine, as in "Remember the..." Remember the Mavi Mamara doesn't roll off the tongue the same way, but maybe it sounds better in Turkish, and Erdogan now has the reason to cut ties that hadn't been all that popular in Turkey anyway.

Of course, the fact that it's a set-up doesn't help much if Israel allows itself to get set up. That being said, they basically had two options - stop the ships, or let the blockade fall, because simply letting the ships through this time would justify everyone else, and as the point has been made, it's not like these folks were particularly good impressions of "peaceful activists."

That being said, there's a "quit while you're ahead" mentality, that Israel's enemies might not be getting. Right now, you can, if you want, pretend that the blockade runners were peaceful activists simply moved by the plight of Gazans to try and bring humaitarian aid victimized by the big bad Israelis. But when the Iranian navy starts offering to help, then everybody might just figure out what's really going on here.

OK, almost everybody.

# posted by Gib : 5:06 PM

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Guy playing with action figures + youtube = awesome

Yeah, I don't get the math either, but you can't argue with results.

# posted by Gib : 12:26 PM

Monday, May 24, 2010

Maine: Your next big vacation destination.

Did you know it was legal for women to go topless in Maine? Yeah, me neither. But apparently, not only is it legal, but there was a protest aimed at making topless women in public socially acceptable.

Quote of the day comes from the protest's organizer, in relation to what were probably just supporters documenting the occasion for posterity.

Simoneau, for one, had no regrets. She encouraged other women to take up the cause. And she said she wasn't going to let camera-toting men ruin her day, either.

"Unfortunately, there's no way to deal with people taking pictures for prurient interest, but I feel the best way to deal with that is to just ignore it," she said.

OK, obviously her keeping her top on would prevent people from taking pictures for prurient interest. You know that. I know that. These folks don't know that.

And I say there's really no reason to tell them.

# posted by Gib : 4:30 PM

Saturday, May 22, 2010

The question is: "How can we out-dipshit ourselves?"

The questioners: The band of happy little closet dwellers at the Westboro Baptist Church.

The Answer: Protest the funeral of Ronnie James Dio.

They accuse Dio of worshipping the devil. You know, if it doesn't violate the First Amendment for them to protest the funeral, it probably wouldn't violate the First Amendment to stand right next to them and play Dio songs. Really, really loud Dio songs.

Like this one.

# posted by Gib : 11:13 PM

Friday, May 21, 2010

Wait, what now?

California taxes cause Captain America to flee to Europe.

Apparently the Captain America movie will be shot in London, because London is offering bigger tax breaks than California. Captain America, of course, being a good capitalist, is all over that. Besides, as a WWII vet, I'm sure Cap has a soft spot for the Brits.

We could try to reciprocate and swipe one of their heroes, but I don't think a Captain Britain movie is likely to be as big a box-office hit.

# posted by Gib : 10:05 AM