Midway through my enlistment period in the United States Army, I was assigned to the Directorate of Combat Developments working for a high ranking Colonel at Fort Bliss, Texas.

Col. Petty was a very strong-minded, detailed-oriented officer charged with a division responsible for creating new weapons and integrating them into the military.

He was a tough, seasoned leader and always expected everyone to carry out their orders perfectly at all times. He was also known to reassign personnel due to failure, or for other shortcomings he deemed not appropriate in carrying out our mission.

Once, while walking out of a building after a long meeting, walking past two Sergeants failing to salute him, he stopped, turned back and addressed them in a stern voice, “Sergeants! Do you not see the rank on my hat! You’re supposed to salute an officer; this better not happen again!” As soon as the Colonel addressed them they realized they better stand at attention and provide a proper salute. Which they did, and apologized profusely as the Colonel turned back around, and we continued walking.

By the time of this assignment as an enlisted member of the Army, I had already been promoted three times within a 18 month period and would be up for a fourth promotion, to Sergeant from Specialist 4. I had also been singled out for my new role and had just completed a two month formal training course in the Operations and Intelligence field, with Secret NATO clearance in hand.

I was never worried about working in a high pressure environment, even though I was only 19 or 20 at the time. Maybe I was too young to know any better, but I also did not stress and truly enjoyed new challenges.

I had an immediate supervisor, SGT Novotny, and a Sergeant Major, SGM Larson, who I reported to in the chain of command, however, I spent most of my time around Col. Petty.

A few of us enlisted personnel in the building shared areas of responsibility including setting up audio/visual equipment in the conference room, driving and delivering highly classified documents within the base.

I became the only person in the building tasked with driving Col. Petty to his appointments, either to different buildings within the post, or somewhere off base in downtown El Paso to meet with leaders of of military contractors such as Lockheed Martin, Raytheon and others. I would find out this was one of the major reason for my clearance.

I’ll admit, there was always a sense of urgency and importance with the Colonel, and I did my best at doing my job and keeping things off Col. Petty that didn’t need to add to his busy schedule. He developed a sense of trust with me, and we never discussed business when we were together in the sedan.

Instead, I asked him personal questions about his military career, his home life and of his upbringing in San Antonio, where he was born and raised. He answered everything I asked and never seemed wary of my next question. Col. Petty was a tall man, played basketball in high school, and when I told him I too played basketball in high school, we laughed when he remembered he didn’t like playing against predominantly Hispanic teams, because “you guys were too quick and fast.”

Col. Petty and I would sometimes spend time together from dawn to dusk, as his responsibilities to the defense of the entire U.S. Army was unimaginable and his meetings took him into dinner time as well.

The job had its perks too, like frequenting the Officer’s Club for lunch or dinner, including adult beverages, meeting high ranking officials from the Ronald Reagan administration, for work, but also during social events I was privileged to attend with a few other enlisted men who were in “our own club.”

Because I had to report for duty early each day – by 6:30, when all other military and civilian employees began their day at 8:00am – I was at the motor pool picking up the military sedan I was assigned. For this, I was normally excused from physical training (PT), and apparently that caused some friction with the other military personnel in the building. Especially the Sergeant Major. If I had to describe SGM Larson, I would say he was a lot like Sergeant Carter from the Gomer Pyle TV show, but a lot like Archie Bunker too, the old and opinionated character on the 1970’s sitcom All in the Family. Foul mouth and all.

There was this one particular time when Col. Petty was to be out of town attending meetings in Washington D.C., at the Pentagon, and this would be the last Friday of the month when all military personnel reported to PT at 0520.

Thursday afternoon, the Sergeant Major called me to his office and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to be at PT in the morning, and that he didn’t want any excuses from me.

He went on to say I had already missed too much PT and there was no reason for me not to be there.

I can still remember him saying, “Look it, Cromack! I know the Colonel’s not going to be here tomorrow so you better be at PT in the morning!”

I assured him I’d be there, but still not believing me he continued, “If you’re not there in the morning I’m going to be very upset and I’m going to take it out on all of you guys.”

Again, I assured him I’d be at formation in the morning, and not to worry. I wasn’t sure why he had taken this attitude since all of the days I missed PT were due to my work schedule, and not that I didn’t want to participate.

Later in the day, SGT Novotny came by and told me the Sergeant Major had talked to him and made it his responsibility to make sure I was at PT the next day. SGT Novotny pleaded with me “Cromack! You gotta be there tomorrow, okay?”

And so by the end of the day, it seemed everyone in the building was interested to see whether I’d show up the next morning or not, knowing I wouldn’t get in trouble anyway.

But as I mentioned, at this point I’m also wondering why the big fuss since most of the time I’ve had a legitimate reason for not attending PT. But regardless, now I know what’s at stake for tomorrow and probably should make an effort to attend PT in the morning, no matter what. And nobody wanted the Sergeant Major ranting and raving the next day, especially with the Colonel gone.

I always made sure to set my alarm before I go to bed at night, and having double checked that I set it that night, I went to bed thinking I’d prove everyone wrong in the morning, or at least show them that they were overreacting.

Sure enough, I wake up on time, get dressed and start getting ready to leave. Headed out the door, it’s still dark, and a bit cold as well. However when I try to start my car…nothing. Just a click. Click. Click. And then nothing again. Oh no! So I pop the hood open and check for any loose cables, the distributor cap is on well, the battery clamps are on tight, I can’t see anything visibly wrong. So I get in the car again and try one more time, but still nothing.

At this time I realize I’m running out of time and need to figure out how I’m going to get to the base from my apartment off-base.

Remembering I have SGT Novotny’s telephone number, I head back inside the apartment and dial his number. His wife answered, and I asked if John is there. In her soft Korean accent, she tells me, “No Walter, John gone.”

Well, now I’m really running out of time, and I’m running out of options too. And all this time I’m running the events from the previous day in my mind, and know there will be hell to pay, for everyone, if I don’t show up at formation very soon.

So now I know there’s only one thing to do to get out of this jam I’m in. Having promised everyone that I’d be there just made things worse. I need to start running to the base, and very quickly, if I’m to make it on time. (Queue the “Run Forrest, Run!” music here, LOL!)

In the dark and cold morning I take off running, literally sprinting down the street, with dogs barking on either side of the road, wondering exactly how many miles it is to the headquarters building where everyone is assembling.

Luckily the apartment I rented was located towards the base of the mountains, not too far from the Army hospital, William Beaumont Army Medical Center, so it was not too much of a strain, as the majority of the run was downhill.

So I get to the entrance gate manned by MP’s,

show my ID and keep running to fall into formation. Upon arrival to where other troops were forming, I tried to play it cool and pretend all is well, and I even let the Sergeant Major know I was there.

So now training begins and we go through the usual 15 minutes or so of warm ups and calisthenics. But by the end of the first session I start getting tired, and now wonder how in the world I’m going to be able to complete not just the exercise session, but soon we’ll start a three mile run. Oh no! I have to run again!

As I said before, I arrived at formation trying to remain inconspicuous fearing I would be the butt of all jokes the rest of the day. And I didn’t want the Sergeant Major to think he got the best of me either, this time anyway.

Somehow I made it through the run without falling out of formation, and no one is the wiser, and I think I’m done with my ordeal.

Having returned back to the headquarters, we are dismissed from formation and those who live off base head to their cars to go home, with just enough time to shower, eat breakfast and be back on time to put in a normal day’s work.

But now another dilemma: Do I ask for a ride back to my apartment and risk the grief I’m going to get at work?

Looking around to find Sergeant Novotny, I find him, swallow my pride, and ask him for a ride home. Knowing the gig is up, I tell him what happened hoping not too many would find out at work. I especially didn’t want the Sergeant Major to know because then he’d be gloating the whole day telling everyone he made me attend PT.

Anyway, as I walk into the building, I hear the first shout of the day, “Hey, Marathon Man! Glad you made it to work on time!”

And so the moral of the story: When you’re running out of options, make sure you run downhill!

I base this not only on personal observation, but also from news reports from all over the world. How many times do we hear about absentee fathers when a kid gets in trouble? Or about fathers who inadvertently forget about their children when they separate or divorce their spouse.

Regardless of life and career accomplishments a father might have, the only thing that matters is what kind of father and person he is. We should embrace the opportunity to be great fathers. It is a way of passing down our legacy to our children.

These are my own Top 20 things to do to show you’re a great father; I’m sure other fathers have their own things they do to make them stand out as great fathers.

1. Be kind, always Seriously why wouldn’t you. Wouldn’t you rather they remember you for your kindness instead of that one time you were mean to them? Because they’ll remember the mean one way longer than you think.
2. Be patient They’re little, they’re growing and sometimes they don’t know how to do things. Be gentle with them and give them a helping hand instead of losing your cool. Losing your cool is not good for anyone, especially not for someone who’s counting on you for help.
3. Show affection Why not hug them and hold them close. It feels great to do this. And not just for them but for you too.
4. Provide a sense of security Have a stable home life; have a stable job. Providing them security is one less thing for them to worry about in their little heads.
5. Be dependable Always, always try to do what you say you will do. They’ll remember if you don’t. If you don’t think you can do something then don’t promise.
6. Show up and be there Attend their activities even if they’re not doing something you like. Just being there will make them feel better.
7. Be supportive When they want to do something you don’t agree with, put yourself in their shoes and think of what your own parents would’ve said or done. If this elicits a bad experience for you, then don’t do the same to them.
8. Discipline them Yes, kids will do things that will earn them a timeout. When issues arise, make sure you explain why they’re being disciplined. Don’t just say “Because I said so!” Make sure you do this with love and not any other motive.
9. Make them laugh Be spontaneous and say something funny or silly. It’s okay to act up every once in a while. It’s just you and them and no one is watching.
10. Be the role model You have no choice in this one. What you say and do will shape their minds. Be the best role model you can be and someday you will see the results and will be very proud.
11. Greet them with a smile Kids notice human behavior and body language more than we realize. They don’t care if we’ve had a bad day at work, or that we got into an argument with someone. They just want to feel your love and there’s no better way to show them than to always greet them with a smile.
12. Do the little things Even if it’s just spending time watching TV with them, or sitting at the dinner table. Offer to help them with their homework; or just ask them how their day was. You’d be surprised with some of the responses you’d get.
13. Get up early and make them breakfast Food is always a good way to bond with kids. There’s nothing better than to share some time in the kitchen and let them help make something for all to share. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant; anything they like will do.
14. Read with them Not only should you read to your children, but also allow them to read to you too when appropriate. If they’re too young to read, get an animal picture book and make animal sounds with them. They’ll get a kick out of that and will show them you’re comfortable being with them.
15. Take them places Why not ask them to go with you when you run errands, or when you go to the grocery store. The time you spend together in the car can be very valuable.
16. Be a good husband; respect their mother Children need to know there’s stability in the home, and how you and your spouse interact around the house will have a major impact on their lives. A son will learn how to treat women by how a father treats his wife.
17. Know when to say no There will come a time when a request can be granted, but saying no will be more important than giving them whatever it is they want.
18. Don’t ever yell at your child, ever We are not Neanderthals guys; we don’t need to rant and rave. If you ever lose your composure and yell at your kids, they have already won the fight because they’ll know what it takes to get under your skin.
19. Listen to what they need Kids will usually verbalize what they want so this one on the surface doesn’t appear important. But it’s important to have a feel for your children so that you know what they might not be telling you.
20. Love them with all of your heart Why wouldn’t you love them with all of your heart. After all, they made you who you are and have given you the greatest love in life. Your children will always love you no matter what, and you should do the same.

That’s it! That’s my list. Very simple and not difficult to do at all. But if you do have trouble with one of the items on this list, don’t give up and say you can’t do it. Just improvise and come up with your own alternative. The important thing to know is that we are heroes and sometimes even idols to our children, and we should act accordingly.

There have been many times I wished you’d been alive to see the things I’ve done. Like when I decided to join the military, just like you did. It turned out I did well in the Army and that gave me the confidence I needed to accomplish more things in the future. I thought you’d want to know that.

There have been many things happen in my life, as you can imagine, and most have been good but there have been a few bad ones that I deal with to this day. It’s been the difficult times that have led me to a life of empathy, compassion, strength and respect for others.

The things I’ve accomplished have been mostly through hard work and dedication but others by pure luck, or by being at the right place at the right time, and others simply by choosing not to quit.

I’ve also failed many times, Dad, for various reasons, but I haven’t let those setbacks stop me from moving on and living a productive life.

Dad, I want to tell you that even though I wasn’t quite seven years old when you died, I learned a lot from you. I learned from you to share with others, and learned how simple gestures of kindness can leave a lasting impression on someone.

Specifically, I remember the times you were home from your fishing trips and you would load the kids in the car. And not only your children but our friends as well.

You would take us to the drive-in to get burgers and fries and ice cream. And you’d always pay for everyone, and you did it happily!

I did that when my own children were young, often taking them and their friends out for pizza, or to the movies or for a game of bowling. If I hadn’t seen you do that, I don’t know if I would’ve known any better. I learned that from you Dad!

I also want to tell you about something I found out long after you died that made me appreciate you even more.

While I was going through some papers that Mom gave me a few years ago, I learned that you sent her money from wherever your fishing trips took you, even half-way ’round the world it seemed. I have some deposit receipts from the bank stashed away somewhere. I was truly impressed by that but I shouldn’t have been surprised because you provided very well for your family. I remember that about you Dad.

I found some other documents that showed you started working in the fishing industry at a very young age and that you didn’t stop working until your health took a turn for the worse. I admire you for that Dad.

Dad, I want you to know I’ve been steadily employed since I graduated from high school. I go to work every day and I have you to thank for showing me that I need to provide for my family, just like you did for yours. There have been times when I’ve wanted to quit or give up, but I have you as an example and still to this day look back on your life and get strength from that. Thank you Dad!

And Dad, I also want to tell you that because of you I love the ocean. And I love seafood just like you did! I remember you bringing fresh seafood home when you returned from your fishing trips, and remember you preparing it for us.

Thank you also for taking us fishing at the boat ramp. It was a thrill to see all those blue crabs when we pulled the bucket out of the water. And we would go home and again you’d prepare them for us to eat. Thank you for doing that for us Dad.

A few years ago I visited Biloxi because I wanted to see where you grew up.

I noticed that the house you lived in is very near the ocean. When I retire from work I plan to move back home and buy a small house near the ocean too, Dad. And I’ll spend a lot of time fishing, just like you did, however, I’ll do it for fun and not for work. I know you’d like that for your youngest son.

Dad, Happy Father’s Day! I wish you were here so I can thank you for all that you taught me. And maybe you would be proud of me for the man I’ve become. I think I’m becoming more like you each day, and I am very proud of that.

Your son who has never forgotten you.

During my first marriage, back in the early ’80s, my wife and I tried often to have children. Being unsuccessful after a few years of trying, I decided to take the first step and seek the help of a specialist.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, this was probably the biggest mistake I would make in my life.

You see, after testing was complete and the doctor had the results, the doctor came to the conclusion that I would never be able to father any children.

As devastated as I was to hear this, I remember walking through a long hallway, walking towards the exit of the building and thinking to myself, “Well, if God wants me to have children, I’m going to have children someday.”

I actually didn’t dwell on this too much after that day, and I can’t really explain why. For someone who loves and enjoys children so much, I really wanted to have children of my own. But I really didn’t let it bother me too much.

But for now I had to go home and report the news to my wife, already knowing what her reaction would be. Needless to say, this, and other reasons, would mean an end to our marriage.

My wife had previously told me she didn’t want to adopt, and didn’t want to go through an alternative way of conceiving. And I didn’t want to push this issue any longer.

We were both still in our mid 20’s. We separated without telling anyone. We had been everyone’s perfect couple, high school sweethearts, together since the age of sixteen. I know it broke our families’ heart knowing that we were no longer going to be together, especially her mother and younger brothers and sisters.

To this day, I still see them the same as always and their kids still call me uncle and I still call them my nieces and nephews. It was an awful feeling not to be part of their daily lives anymore.

Having moved out of town to move closer to my mother and siblings in a different state, I lost touch with my ex-wife until about seven years later when I returned to our hometown to attend a friend’s funeral.

At the funeral service, I saw my ex-wife’s best friend from high school, and learned from her that my ex had remarried and had two daughters.

When she told me this, the first thing that popped into my mind was that the infertility specialist had been correct in his assessment, and that it was my fault my wife hadn’t been able to get pregnant.

So now about fifteen years after first getting married, and wanting to have children, I was married again, actually married a women with two beautiful children.

Before we were married, I had been wanting to ask my new wife if she already had children. At this point in my life I didn’t want to marry a woman who hadn’t already experienced childbirth for fear of going through what I went through with my first wife.

I didn’t want to put myself in that position again, and didn’t want to put another woman through the agony of not being able to conceive. At least that’s how I felt.

So thinking back to what I said to myself walking out of the doctor’s office that dreadful day many years ago, I thanked God for finally allowing me to have children. And I promised God I would always strive to be the best step-father I could, and to treat both children as if He himself had delivered them to me.

And now as I sit in a hospital room watching over my youngest son, who’s now 16 years old, and who came down with pneumonia yesterday, I again thank God for giving me another miracle and proving the specialist wrong.

Oh yeah, and my wife was again pregnant about a year later, this time with a beautiful baby girl.

When the youngest son was about 10 or 11 years old, I remember him asking me why I had named him after me. At that time I felt he was too young to understand, but I may be getting closer to telling him the whole story now.

One thing I want to tell him, right or wrong, is that I had already made up my mind that if God allowed me to have a son I was going to name him after me. I’ll tell him that after all I went through, with the emotional trauma of losing my first wife, and living all of those years not knowing whether I’d ever have children, I wanted the privilege of passing my name down to him. I hope he would understand.

I know I have an angel;
She appears to me in dreams.
Dressed in white and sitting;
In a soothing chair it seems.

I know I have an angel;
To me she comes so please,
When I hear her words come out;
It makes me feel at ease.

I know I have an angel;
I can count on her I say,
When I want to rattle on;
She’ll sit for me all day.

I know I have an angel;
When I call on her to brag.
She’s got a smarty quick reply;
In her snappy little bag.

Wind blowing icy cold;
And your face is feeling numb.
The pain will go away;
But someday I say it come.

The walk is done for now;
I know I must return.
The reprieve is gone as well;
The next cold and rainy day I yearn.

I walk back to my room;
And sit to wonder why.
That all seems to be so well;
But for now I sit and cry.

Another Christmas day has passed;
And not so easy still.
When all I want for now;
Is to see you run downhill.

You almost made it home;
Just a few more days you’d see.
But instead we got the news;
In heaven you will be.

Time seems to run so slow;
When it comes to you and me.
But I believe in God, and so,
In heaven we will be.

For I Will Pray For You

For I will pray for you;
Life’s journey not dismiss.
Events we can’t control;
Events that ran amiss.

For those who look upon you;
For distress and weariness.
Instead will see before them;
A life of peacefulness.

Your life will carry on;
With honor and dignity.
For I will pray for you;
A life of peace and serenity.

In Heaven We Will Be

Nowadays, first of all you can’t get them outdoors, and secondly, they definitely wouldn’t settle for sandwiches. But I digress as this story is more about me, and my then seven year old daughter, and facing the fear of the swimming pool diving board.

Shortly after we started going to the swimming pool, the 12’ diving board caught her attention and for the precocious and daring little girl she was, it did not faze her at all. Although she was slow at first, once up the ladder and on the board she had no trouble jumping and splashing into the water. She would do this over and over again without tiring.

During one of her breaks to get a drink and sandwich, she came over to me and asked me to join her jumping off the diving board. So as I normally did what I do when I don’t feel like doing something: I tried to brush her off and send her on her way. But this one particular time she didn’t scurry off as she would otherwise.

She again said to me, “Come on, Dad! It’ll be fun jumping off the diving board!” So again I tried to make her go away, but I think this time she noticed I was more serious and maybe there was something more than just not wanting to do it.

And so, she started teasing me and telling me I was afraid to go jump off the diving board. And although she was right, I didn’t want to admit it, and told her we’d go later hoping she’d go back into the pool and forget about it.

Well, as most of you know, kids don’t forget. So here she comes again, but this time she took a different approach. Instead of teasing me and telling me I was scared, in her sweet and caring voice, she says “Come on Dad, I’ll go with you, it’ll be okay.” So she reaches out to hold my hand and we start walking side by side towards the diving board. When we get there she goes first as if to say you’ll see, there’s nothing to it.

So now she’s on the diving board and I’m by myself at the bottom of the ladder wondering if I can still get out of the dilemma I’m in. I’m thinking to myself that I really, really don’t want to go up that ladder because, first of all, I’m afraid of heights, and second, I have no idea what to do after I get up on the board. On the other hand, I don’t want my daughter to be disappointed and have her think her daddy’s a wimp.

At this point she jumps off the board and starts swimming to the edge of the pool, as was the rule in the swimming pool, and now it’s my turn to start climbing up the ladder.

So what do I do now? Do I forget this nonsense, turn around and go back? Should I face my fears and not give up on myself? Do I turn around and perhaps have my daughter bring it up in the future and use it against me? Yes, all of those things, and more, went through my mind in those few seconds in which I was literally frozen in that spot.

Having been in the military and having faced much more difficult situations, including rappelling down mountain cliffs, this seemed to have gotten the best of me. But alas, I started up the ladder and finally stepped onto the board. Trying not to look down, I could sense people looking at me, including my own daughter, and I also noticed the teenage lifeguard focusing in on me, and how slowly I was moving towards the end of the board.

Now I’m at the point where I can either dive forward or jump feet first into the water. But that’s not what’s I’m thinking. I’m still thinking I can get out of this by turning around and going back down the ladder. Yes, I was that scared.

Additionally, I normally am not one to get talked into doing things I don’t have to do, or don’t want to do. People can say all they want, tease me, make fun, say whatever and I can do a good job of ignoring them and not letting it faze me.

But with my daughter it was different. She had this way of being sweet and understanding, and it was hard not to want to do things for her. Even when I would initially say no to her, she had a way of getting what she wanted, most of the time, anyway.

Wanting to please her, and wanting her to have the pleasure of helping me conquer this fear, I did a half jump and fell straight down, feet first into the water. I noticed as I was falling that I was going in on an angle, and as soon as my entire body went into the water, I started flapping my arms to slow my descend down to the pool’s floor. Once I regained my senses I broke the water’s surface and swam back to get out of the pool, as fast as I could.

And of course, once this is over, I’m trying to act cool and hoping no one noticed other than to let my daughter know I did it. But I did made sure to tell her not to ask me to do that ever again.

I think she actually understood how difficult that was for me as she never brought it up again.

Except for one time, years later.

When she was about 18 or 19, we were shopping at the Galleria mall in Dallas, TX, and I was looking down from the second floor towards the first floor, but making sure I stayed a few feet from the railing. I didn’t see her as she came up to me from behind, put her hands on my hips and pretended to push me forward. Of course, I’m startled and my feet get that tingling, burning sensation that only people who are afraid of heights experience. She then says in her loud, megaphone voice, as I used to call it, “WHAT’S THE MATTER DAD? YOU STILL SCARED OF HEIGHTS!”

And she let out a big hearty laugh as I quickly turned around and headed back inside to the safety of one of the shops.