codenamelizzy II

From Tuesday I shall actually be a Trainee Gardener by trade. How exciting.
I do hope that I will have some new tales to tell.

I'm also looking forward to exploring the Docklands.

2 more days to go...

The calendar has finally caught up and it’s now officially spring, something we’ve known for a couple of weeks. And spring has sprung in my back garden, with changes in one week that nearly made me cry.
Gardening in now my favourite pastime. It’s the touchstone to the rest of my life. It’s Sioux’s jazz, or Cat’s purple. My spiritual home. I pass hours happily alone in the garden. I try and blank out the planes and listen only to the birds and the twigs I tread on.

Over the last two summers the work outside has been back breaking. Cutting down 16 foot high ivy, that was growing up two now chopped down Sycamores, thus revealing a hitherto unknown 15 square foot of land. Unfortunately it was covered in 1.2 tonnes of rubble posing as a ‘rockery’, which needed to be shifted. Then laying foundations for a new six by six foot shed, oh and erecting it next to the new raised veg patch.

Somewhere in between all of this I spent every Saturday and Sunday, plus20 mins every week day morning and evening, doing work that only I noticed. Such as weeding, pruning, planting, mowing and generally maintaining. And having had no experience at all, I learnt it all on my feet. It’s design time now and lawn repair.

Now the labouring is over I finally have the opportunity to make the garden a more social space and I’m considering getting some sort of big out door couch that’s seats at least 2. I’m really looking forward to sitting out there more with a roaring fire going and maybe chuck on a bit of (responsibly sourced) peat. Get some candles going. Cup of hot tea.

Man I’ve changed.

This time last year it was raining all the time and there was a freak hailstorm over the garden.

I missed last night’s show as He Who Cannot Be Named dropped round to drop off forms for Bird Watch. He joined us both when we were a couple and he didn’t bother taking my name off the membership. I’ve only seen him one other time in the last few years. We drank tea and talked solid for 2 hours. It made me smile this morning but a shit of a day quickly wiped it off until now. : )

So Eureka won and it was only the second time she smiled since arriving.

It’s
Still
On

Still

Poor Verne was not well after guzzling the chillies and kept BB waiting while he did his toilet. Seems he is very regular.Today’s task was to film and direct their own blockbuster BB film with a premiere later that night. Verne was selected by the housemates to be the director and he relished the role.

They filmed entrances, Shelle crying, Ben singing, Chef slapping fans, Eureka carrying her huge ego, Verne needing the camera panning down etc. Then some ‘pivotal’ moments, reliving the quiz with, bizarrely, Verne sitting in a baby’s high chair. Amusingly they answered every question with the answer America. Tel did a marvellous Mo, easy really when he just needed to shout and swear. He took the micky out of himself too though. Apparently he has a fascinating fact for almost every moment. Verne relived the party by chatting up and kissing a doll posing as Mutya.

Shelle let it slip in her exit interview that she thinks La La fancies Chef and guess what, BB showed clips of her making up to him.

BB gave them some random tasks for l a u g h s. Tommy was asked to stand on one foot, Chef and Tell to hug for over 30 minutes, Eureka to only speak in Swedish (she said out loud ‘God how I hate you all’ – definitely her best moment on the show). La La had to repeat everything everyone said, they all had to walk backwards badda badda. Made me feel dizzy watching it.

Poor Shelle somehow seemed to know that she was leaving that night and that Davina’s face would pop onto the screen during the premiere. Eureka thought it was the men’s fault that two women were up. Ha, almost everyone nominated her. Seems Chef like she now and told her he had been wrong about her. Hmmmm. I wonder if this is gamesmanship or if he’s just trying to please the voters who kept her in three times.

There’s another * yawn * surprise eviction tomorrow. It’s a double this time. It’s hard to care when you know the two least popular characters will be giving interviews.

Shelle’s out. Can’t imagine she’ll have anything to say so here’s some fascinating La La facts:

She is older than Tommy
She does not wash up at home. She has help
She trailed as a Rosser for a US reality programme and maintains that she was tough during that period but is normal now

Ben nominated Eureka as he thinks she dictates and is bossy. Shock horror, the next name was Chef because he’s sexist and doesn’t know where the joke ends.

Chef nominated Eureka as she’s in teacher mode and is used to being in charge. Shelle of course was next as he is well aware of the game that she is playing.

La La nominated Eureka as she’s controlling and is always giving her the “rolling eye”. Spot a theme? Shelle was next and is seen to be working in cahoots with Eureka ka ka.

Shelle shocked us all by nominating Chef and then picked on Tommy, no doubt because he’s pally with him.

Tel nominated Ben because of one word. Reunion, an A1 reunion. It’s the singing. He’s always singing. That would kill me. Tel then voted for Verne. Wow, is that the first time? He complained that he’s only washed up twice and insulted the English history. It’s the power Tel dislikes.

Tommy nominated Eureka for her lack of solidarity and Shelle because of her tantrums. He thinks she lacks perspective about the game.

Eureka waddled in and nominated Tel. She thinks he’s self-righteous and a bit of a know it all. Lucky she’s in there and makes him look good, human, kind and fair. Tommy was next as he ducked out of 2 dancing tasks.

Verne nominated Eureka as he feels she’s bossy and a bit Mom like. Next up was Tel.

La La got no nominations.

Eureka and Shelle are up. Man just over an hour to vote. Shame I don’t care who goes.

Chef and Tel argued over climate change with Chef insisting we are coming to the end of an age and that global warming is nonsense. Good job he waited until after nominations before turning red neck.

Sunday’s task was chilli eating. Ben didn’t want to eat his first one so Tel helpfully reminded him that cbb’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. Ha ha. Chef coolly munched his way through his first. He didn’t want to flinch but his eyes watered at the end and he had to pace the room with snot running down his nose. La La did it although she did cry afterwards and repeated “it doesn’t hurt” until she was I too much pain. Verne polished his chilli off. He looked like a pro. Chef, La La, Eureka all passed on their second chillies. By the end they are had watering eyes and there was snot running down all their noses.

Terry and La La have wised up and realise that Shelle has been media trained by Jordan. She’s playing the romance and bullied angles and Chef’s walking right into his role. La La’s been infiltrating the troops with a whispering campaign and they nearly all see what Shelle’s game is.

Oooh, there’s an eviction Monday night

Verne woke up with a big hangover. He needed the gaps filling in and Terry wasn’t cruel and told him that he had hung with the girls and took the piss out of the boys. Tommy though let him know that he’d propositioned La La. BB called him into the Diary Room for an Alka Seltzer. Stubborn Verne wouldn’t take it. BB reminded him that he had ram racked the Diary Room door. Te he. One of the funniest moments of the series so far.

Mo and Mutya were moaning and moaning and moaning and moaning. Mutya threatened to walk if Davina didn’t call out her name on Friday night.

Friday’s task divided them even more with a gender splitting task to find out which sex is the bravest. They were asked to act out gender specific stereotypes, multi tasking etc.

Terry and Eureka had to memorise everyone’s DOBs. Shelle and Tommy were tested on multi-tasking, having to listen to classical music, iron and answer questions for 90 secs. Poor Shelle did not know the capital of Australia, how many eggs were in a dozen or how many days there are in a year. Although this simply means she’s thick, not that she can’t multi task.

Tommy answered the questions but was terrible with the ironing. BB let a tarantula into the task room and the housemates were required to stand there in the dark for 5 minutes. Ladies first and then the lads. BB removed the spider but didn’t let on. Only La La and Shelle from the ladies entered the room, the Witches of Eastwick didn’t have the balls. Verne, who can’t stand up for long, had to sit on the floor. So brave. The men passed the task and won 3 tokens plus a pizza and lager night for their reward. They could not share with the ladies.

Shelle and Chef were rowed again. La La pulled him one side and told him his reaction is just what Shelle wants. So that he looks like a baddy. Well, takes one to know one. La La, me think she doth protest too much. Self-projection alert. Eventually Shelle turned on the tears again. The men think he’s more irritating than intimidating. It’s only Eureka who agrees with Shelle. She stood up to him before with humour and should do it again. He believes her to be a girl who forgets that she has a boyfriend when she’s drunk. Well, he’s been around enough to stop the type.

Ben asked Mutya to break out rather than leave, for entertainment purposes. It’s by far the funniest remark he has made in the house. The men and La La think the ladies are talking it all too seriously.

Mutya’s left. One wonders if anyone will notice. Hope she’s taken the dressing gown off.

No food, no hot water living on £1 a head per day and the shopping list needs to be done. It’s boys against girls her and four women are up for eviction. The mood is awful.

Terry thinks CBB is rehab for some of the women. I reckon he means Shelle.

The women, bar La La, have paired up and broken off from the group and got their own food separately. Eureka wanted to pair up with Shelle, but she wouldn’t let her as Eureka wanted eggs and Shelle wants tuna and beans every night. She’s currently on the cover of loads of cheap mags having lost a stone before entering the house, so this really is like a spa for her. Chef was not impressed and thought that it childish and selfish as they are living on £56 in total. Again he’s got a point but he’s got to stop shouting. Looks like he really is Chef and says he has a cookbook coming out and has his own show.

Chef was trying to insist that a man read the shopping list as he didn’t trust any of the women to order his food. Mo blew her top like she’s been threatening too but then backed off quickly. This led to Chef calling her a bowling ball on legs. Ha ha. When BB called Mo into the Diary Room to cool down after she lost it, she talked really posh. Man, they all fall for it. We are watching all the time, not just the Diary Room. We know that you are as common as muck. She told the others that you wouldn’t even talk to her like Chef does if you were f**king her and paying her mortgage. Out out out!

BB gave the housemates the chance to win a flurry of brilliant prizes, including fags, booze and messages from home, if they didn’t moan for an hour. If they did moan a housemate would lose a prize, starting with B for Ben. They decided the only way to pass was to remain silent. Says it all. What a bunch of moaners. Mutya and Eureka actually wore gags, a total abuse of the first aid box. The silence made them all realise how bad their moaning had got.

The party began. Mo was thrilled at the taramasalata. Verne got pissed on champagne. They all had a message in a bottle which were opened by a housemate of their choice smashing it over their heads. Verne got La La to smash his on his arse. Chef threatened to take his bike keys away because of his drunk driving. He loves La La and is upset the other women don’t seem to like her or give her the respect she’s due. I think he has a crush on her. I’ve seen weirder couples.

Thank god for that. Mo’s out. I’m not commenting on her interview.

Chef is big and he is clever. When the intro to Car Wash burst into the house in the middle of the night he started grooving instead of completing the task. The others are getting pretty fed up of Tommy & Chef not taking part. Even Terry had a pop. They don’t see the point in doing their tasks. I reckon Chef and Tommy want to go to prison.

Shelle likes Ben so much that she sits in the ashtray with him while he smokes stinky fags.

Eureka admitted to having had cosmetic surgery. Jesus. She should get a refund. Mutya wants a tummy tuck. Hmm, sit ups?
La La and Mutya need to complete a tune on a giant piano. La La gets all the fun things to do.

Mo thinks that her or Eureka will go tomorrow. She said that all she wanted was people to see the vulnerable side to her. Think this is a joke, surely. She doesn’t think she’s loud or objectionable, just opinionated.

Verne was dressed in a bear outfit and looked like a teddy bear.

In order for Mo and Terry to pass their task they had to get more hits on You Tube (how modern) than Eureka & Verne’s rendition of Endless Love. Mo thought that as she is on a (well past it’s sell by date) show on C4 that they should walk it. Oh dear 50K less hits. It’s plain to all to see the stars of this show and she ain’t one of em.

Mutya, still in the dressing gown, and Mo are turning on Tommy now. Moody Mutya maintains that if she’s not voted out that she will turn on the housemates who she doesn’t like. This could be everyone…mardy arse.

Ben was given a secret task. He had to scare someone. He had a long think about how to complete the task. He hid behind a chair, failing to realise that his tail was showing ….he’s dressed as a dragon for the task. He managed to scare Eureka who could have spoiled it straight away by saying was that your task? So it wasn’t just me who didn’t know what his task was. Wow all that time dressed as a dragon just for that. He’s going to watch the show back to back when he gets to see how fascinating the editing is (!).

Eureka, dressed as an Injun had to hit a target with an arrow.

They failed the task and will receive a reduced shopping budget for next week.

Soz, was a bit dull.