Chasing Ashley

There was a weight on me, holding me down.  I somehow found myself in the dark, it was dusty, hot and crowded.  Slowly, I began to crawl out, careful to not hurt anyone.  I could finally feel the sun shining on me, breathing in the fresh air I looked down to see where I have been for so many years.  To my horror I realized I have been swept under the rug.  I brush the dust off of me and I bent down to lift a corner of the rug.  I was shocked to see what else was under there, no wonder it was so hot and crowded.  I tried to remove the rug, but something was holding it down.  I pulled on the rug, but it would not budge.  With all of my might I pulled as hard as I could but it would not move, my hands were dirty and my nails were broken from trying to pull back the rug.  I couldn’t figure out what it was keeping itin place.  On my hands and knees I reached down, I was able to lift a corner of the rug, just enough to get a glimpse.  Underneath the rug I saw others, thousands of them, some were screaming to cover them back up and some were reaching for the light.  OMG!  I was never alone!  Only a few were willing to come out from the darkness. 

As we were standing there I realized that in society it is acceptable to be an Adoptive Parent, it is acceptable to be an Adoptee.  There are support groups of all kinds for them.  The Birthmothers on the other hand are labeled with unmentionable names.  They are told they will forget, move on, and have other children.  They are told of beautiful, hopeful stories before relinquishment.  Afterwards they find themselves swept under the rug to find a way, if possible, to mend their broken hearts.

I am a Birthmother and it is too hot, dusty and crowded under this rug.  I was a lucky one, I found strength to come out, dust myself off and start helping others crawl out from under that dreadful rug.  I have ripped those labels off of me because I will not be stereo-typed.  I relinquished my child because I have a love for her that only a mother can understand.  I sacrificed my life to give her a better one.  People still judge me, but I am no longer ashamed.  I am a Birthmother.

V. L. S. ~ July 2007