I’ll be frank. I hardly was ever fond of religious people. My early pubescent life careened through the crowded hallways of guilt and self-loathing because I believed that I was a sinner and would need to be exorcised to be worthy of God’s love.

Phooey.

The aforementioned guilt and self-loathing I compensated for by being extra loud therefore making me the easiest target among my gay posse for stupid boys who also had self-esteem issues. For a while, this set-up made my life interesting.

We grew up, eventually–me, my posse, and the stupid boys. The teasing ceased. One of the stupid boys even asked for a fuck–he was the instigator of most teasings and therefore was number 1 in my People To Die Horribly List. And incidentally, because god has a sense of humor, he was also the hottest one and the one that I pined for the most. My inner slut was still, well, deep deep deep down inside. I refused him, of course. And to this day I wanted to bang my head on the wall for being a prude.

Tangential ang lola. Anyway. . .

And so saturday’s class was a disappointment. I should’ve had heeded the signs early on and just high-tailed my ass out of there. But, no. I didn’t. I just had to be fair and just because that’s what decent people do.

The morning session was interesting and illuminating. The topic was “Sexuality Across the Ages” and the speaker was this engaging woman in her early fifties who remained humorous and unperturbed despite the constant idiotic questioning of the stupidest guy in class (they were classmates in college so maybe she knows what he’s like and was used to it).

The afternoon topic was supposed to be “Men as Partners of Change in Reproductive Health”. I elected to stay because, well, I’m a man (despite the objections of other people) and the topic seemed promising.

The speaker was a member of Couples for Christ. The speaker’s powerpoint was titled “Natural Family Planning”. My internal alarm sounded off but I ignored it. Fairness and Openness to Views Different from Mine pressed on my shoulders and ordered me to stay seated. So I did. For three hours. In those precious three hours I learned that:

1. Women should be judged solely by the state of their hymens.

2. Women with non-intact hymens are sluts and are unfit for marriage. Boys will not be attracted to her and the ones that are are only interested in having sex with her.

3. The Hymen Integrity Belief System must be perpetuated or else society will decay.

4. The Will of God is a book that you can read anytime. But only if you’re Christian. And it’s easy to understand too.

The speaker, Dr. Earthworm, was such a wonderful speaker that in every seminar that he had given people always came up to him and had praised him profusely and had expressed how his talks will change their lives.

At the end of class, Dr. E dawdled and kept asking for, “Any Questions?” One classmate took pity on him and gave him what he asked for. Hmmmmph

Serves him right, I guess. A class is a class. It’s not a platform in which you trumpet your completely unrelated and near-sighted religious propaganda.

June 16, 2008
Categories: Rants . Tags: Religion, stupidity monkey . Author: carfuffle . Comments: 3 Comments