Sparrow Tree Journal

After last weekend's balmy, spring-like temperatures, things have shifted and this morning it's 19 degrees outside. There's also talk about a chance of snow on Sunday, although I'll have to see that to believe it. Still, it's gearing up to be a long weekend of cold weather and staying snug in the house. I say "long weekend" because Monday is MLK day, a federal holiday and an extra day off. It's a very welcome break, even though we just returned from the holidays a couple of weeks ago. It's so hard to drag myself out of bed on these cold, dark mornings, even after going to bed early and getting plenty of sleep. 

Our school is doing a "January Weight Loss Challenge" with anyone who wants to participate putting $20 into the pot, winner take all at the end of April when we have our last weigh-in. It's going to amount to about $400 for the person who loses the biggest percentage of their body weight (which of course is fairer than just number of pounds lost). 

We had our initial weigh in on Monday. I was devastated to realize I've gained back most of the weight I lost last year. I was so disgusted with myself. I knew that I'd gained some back, based on how my clothes fit, but I hadn't dared step on a scale in two months. I was hoping it wouldn't be too bad, but what a wake-up call. I've been in a funk all week since then.

Sometimes I despair of ever being in better shape. I feel middle-aged, fat, and ugly these days. Everyone always says to be kind to yourself, and work on your self-esteem, and talk about "self-care" blah blah blah, but right now I'm struggling with those things. To be honest, I don't like myself very much these days. If I could take the weight loss jabs, I would, but since I'm not even pre-diabetic my insurance won't cover them and I can't afford the out-of-pocket cost. 

So here I am, beginning again, damn it. I don't expect to win the Weight Loss Challenge, but if I can take some of this weight back off, I'll consider that enough of a win. Gregg and I are planning a vacation to Kitty Hawk, NC this year for our 20th wedding anniversary and I'd really love to not look like a whale on the beach. I'd also like to look nice for my husband, who deserves a wife who takes better care of herself than I have been.

When I returned to work on Monday, Gregg texted me around lunchtime to tell me that the dogs were miserable, especially Poppy. They kept going to the back door and windows to look longingly at the driveway, checking to see if I was back yet. Lots of big sighs and sad eyes. Poppy finally draped herself over the back of a small sofa that has a driveway view, and laid there all afternoon, waiting. I asked if Marco had missed me, too. Gregg said, "I'm not sure, but he's been a little asshole all day, so I imagine he's sick of me if nothing else." Ha. When I finally got home, there was absolute doggy joy. (Jennifer joy, too!)

Yesterday when I got home from work, the dogs got so excited and wound up that they started pulling toys out of the toy basket and play-fighting with each other in front of me. Marco watched from his perch, obviously wanting to join in the fun. Lately he's been getting braver about approaching them, and George and Poppy have been showing remarkable tolerance with it. It's a good thing, too, because when there was a pause in the doggy roughhousing, Marco decided it was time to move right up into both their faces. He's awfully bold, and the dogs are awfully good!

 All the kids in one shot!

 After a nice break of almost three weeks, it was back to work yesterday. The students don't return until today, as we had professional development yesterday. For me, that just meant going up to one of the district office buildings downtown and sitting through two hours of a payroll "refresher" course with the other secretaries/bookkeepers. I didn't get anything of value out of it, but the newer people may have. Afterwards I stopped and got a sandwich for lunch and then headed to my school to spend the rest of the afternoon organizing our supply room and catching up on emails. Pretty dull, but a gentle reentry to work. It's going to be good to see some of my favorite little kids this morning when they return. 

Thanks for all the comments on my last post. Gregg's sharp pain in his ribs completely subsided after one day. I was extra worried about it all because that's the side where he had radiation in his (only) lung last winter, and he said it hurt to take a deep breath. I'm relieved he seems to be okay, but I'll be reminding him to talk to his doctor about it at his next appointment. I worry about him and his health all the time. Just typing this out makes me tearful. I realized yesterday that it was the 14th anniversary of his surgery to remove his left lung. God, that was a scary time. And the chemotherapy afterwards was hell for him, but I'm so thankful that all these years later he's still here and mostly healthy and okay. Yesterday I wondered why I was so tearful and sad all day, but then I remembered the date. Also, New Year's Day was the second anniversary of my dad dying and I think that had something to do with it too. I've been thinking more about him lately and missing him, and of course this was my first holiday of being fully no contact with my mom. I feel like an orphan, as silly as that is for a 50-year-old woman. And to top it all off, today is the anniversary of January 6th. I don't talk about it too much here, but our political situation causes me so much stress and anxiety. Every day is a new horror. 

So, I'll be glad to get back to normal today, and I'm glad the holiday season is behind me. It's definitely NOT "the most wonderful time of the year" to me. 

For the last several days I've meant to sit down and recap Christmas, and now here it is New Year's Eve already! 

It was a pretty quiet holiday, mostly focused on friends, neighbors, and home. I can't remember ever having such a relaxed holiday. I baked and gave away dozens of cookies, but I took it at a slow pace. On Christmas Day I cooked a turkey breast I'd pulled from the freezer several days before along with several sides from the pantry and freezer. I've spent very little time shopping and navigating crowds, and that's a relief. Crowded stores and long lines this time of year make me break out in hives.

 Here's a plate of food I took to our neighbor Heather on Christmas Day. She was home alone (she's single without family) recovering from shingles. Turkey, mashed potatoes, baked dressing, gravy, roasted carrots, collard greens, and cranberry sauce.

I also took her a large cup of ambrosia I'd made with delicious fresh navel oranges and coconut.

Martina came by for a few hours on Christmas Eve afternoon, and we had our customary book exchange. She also gave me this pretty apple shaped basket! It was nice to see her. 

 It was a good and relaxing day. Here's one of the squirrels we feed enjoying a double handful of walnuts we put out for their holiday feast!

As usual, we have no plans for New Year's Eve that extend beyond the couch. I had to go out for groceries and Gregg insisted I should pick up a bottle of champagne for myself. (He doesn't drink). As I'm typing this, I'm having an early small glass to celebrate my last blog post of 2025...

and I raise my glass to each and every one of you with my very best wishes for the New Year! Thank you for being here. Thank you for being a friend. Thank you. 

Happy New Year! 

Love,

Jennifer

Happy Winter Solstice to all! And to my one blog friend in the Southern Hemisphere, happy Summer Solstice! It seems crazy to think of having Christmas in summer, but honestly, this is South Carolina and our temperatures are often close to summer-like this time of year. Last week we had a morning so cold the temperature was 18 degrees (-7 Celsius) with a wind chill of 10 (-12C). But our forecast high for Christmas Day? 70 degrees! We have crazy weather here and you never know what you're going to get. *

Check out our Christmas tree alternative. When we bring in our huge Ficus from the porch in the fall, it doesn't leave much room in the house for a traditional Christmas tree. I strung some lights on this baby and called it a day. Hey, at least it's a tree, right?

I finally finished sending out this year's Christmas cards. I swore I was going to cut down on the number I send out but still ended up sending about three dozen. It's one of my only holiday traditions and I love doing it, despite the rising cost of postage. So far, we've gotten four. They're all pretty, but I noticed this morning that the sun was shining in and illuminating one of them from the inside. Isn't it pretty?

And speaking of pretty...look at this beautiful cake one our book club members made for our holiday meeting last week! Not only is it gorgeous to look at, but the woman who sent this wasn't able to come herself. She was having back surgery the next day, and her husband has just been diagnosed with brain cancer. I can't believe she took the time to make something so lovely for us to enjoy in her absence. (We're discussing ways to support her at a time like this).

 I finished the wreath for the front door. It now has more greenery, a bow, and lights. I'm happy with it!

Yesterday I started another wreath made with clove-studded dried orange slices, cinnamon sticks, tiny pinecones, and sprigs of fir and rosemary. It's not done yet, but here's a picture of a small bit of it to give you the general idea.