About Me

I am seeking solace and comfort to try and navigate my life.  For those wondering, this is my second marriage.  My first marriage ended due to infidelity on the ex-husbands account.  To have infidelity happen again in a subsequent marriage that I thought was for life, really has pushed me to examine myself and my personal choices in life.  I am learning each marriage is different and everyone’s experiences differ.  There is no right or wrong way to recover from this emotional turmoil.  Taking each day as it comes is the best that can be done.

19 thoughts on “About Me”

  1. Thank you for following my blog! You hang in there, I know life doesn’t turn out how e thought it would sometimes. I was healthy and working all the time and then suddenly I was found to have Melanoma Cancer, boom my life changed forever! In 2001 I lost my left leg to Melanoma then 1 year later it came back. I was told in June of 2002 that I wouldn’t make it to 2003. But I wasn’t ready to die! I got involved in a Cancer trial for 1 year. Then with GOD’S help and the Cancer Trial I’m still here! Cancer Free since July of 2004. Stay strong and never, ever, give in or give up!

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  2. Tabassem's avatar Ease

    Hi Bugs,

    Since you haven’t posted in a long time, I have been wondering how you are doing these days? I hope your health have improved and that everything is better overall in your life

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    1. How kind of you to ask. I am doing okay. I’m always okay even when I’m not for reasons unknown. I feel stuck in torturous limbo with absolutely everything in my life now. My health is the same and I wish it would get better. I’m truly sad about events in my life that have affected me negatively. I’m just going to sit and wait to see if ‘better’ comes my way.

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      1. Tabassem's avatar Ease

        Thank you for your update! I hope your health will improve and that your situation overall will get better. I do not remember; do you at least have any friends or family around you? I hope you do. I hope better gets your way very soon! I think you are an inspiration/hugs

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  4. Hello Bugsmetwo,

    I feel your pain. My wife had a 4 month long affair, about 8 months ago and I suffer in extreme emotional pain, everyday. My body trembles in shock, pain and disbelief. I have been trying to find my true identity, so that I could separate my needs from my wants.
    I grew up as a child in a family in which my father had an affair and this had emotionally affected me so severely that I had promised myself that I would never, ever cheat on my wife with another woman. Guess what happened? My wife cheated on me. It was like my worst nightmare coming true, except that it happened inspite of the fact that I was completely avoiding it. I had even gone to the extent of never making a real female friend in 15 years of our marriage, because I never wanted to take a chance or risk things. My wife did what I could never do and history repeated itself in the horrors I experienced as a child.
    Anyway, hearing about your situation, I’m very very sorry that it happened all over to you again. This strongly causes me to learn more about 2 things that I have heard about from others and I wanted to know if you know more about these topics:

    1) Life has a way of knocking on our door with the same exact situations. This is Life’s way of reminding us of certain lessons we need to learn. Unless we learn those lessons, history tends to repeat itself. In our cases (it looks like you have been prudent and responsible and you were not the violator in both cases), it seems to be that history has repeated itself. What exact lessons have we not learnt? Have you thought about this? I certainly have been thinking about this.

    2) The Law Of Attraction: We tend to attract in our lives what we think about, even if we think about avoiding something, just the very thought of the thing we want to avoid can manifest itself in reality. This is extremely scary. I don’t know if this “Law Of Attraction” is really true, but if it is, it sounds extremely scary to need to have to control our thoughts even about the things we DON’T want to happen in our lives. If you can, try to see the documentary “The Secret”, produced in 2006: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0846789/?ref_=fn_al_tt_3

    What are your thoughts on the above 2 points I mentioned?

    Wishing you lots of love, and a very speedy recovery.

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    1. I have been dabbling in the thoughts of “self-fulfilling prophecy” and how to make it work but I’m too afraid to take the entire leap yet. I do believe that perhaps me thinking about a life event may have contributed to my despair but ultimately I need to figure where I am going first. I just wish I wasn’t chronically ill or in chronic pain. That alone makes everything much harder.

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  5. Dear Bugsmettwo,
    I wish you wouldn’t have to go through this:( It seems we can only change ourselves, not anybody else. What do you need and how can you secure getting that? Also, make yourself think of whatever makes you happy, brings you joy a few times a day; this way you will stay in touch with your beautiful self and you will not loose yourself in miserable moments. Wishing you lots of love, luck, hapiness and wisdom

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  7. I spent about an hour penning a response to your “Feels Right” post, but got cold feet and decided not to send it.

    In 2003, at the age of 43, after 18 years of marriage and three daughters, I had a seven-month affair. Yes, I was wrong and I have had to live with that decision every day. But having been involved in several recovery/accountability groups since then, I have come to learn that most affairs do not happen in a vacuum. My situation can be summed up by the fact that I was a fairly successful president/ceo of two companies and was recognized by several organizations for being a “nice guy”. My Achillies Heel was that whenever I would tell my wife how I felt about something, she would cut me off and immediately tell me how I should feel about it. I was respected everywhere but at home.

    When I met a woman, a recently divorced CEO who thought I was insightful and sensitive, I thought I found my soul mate. I thought God put this woman in my life to make up for the 18 years of my being alone in a marriage. OK, I was wrong.

    Most everyone, including myself was shocked that I had done such a thing. On one occasion, I spent the day at the beach house of the “OW” and then that evening, stood with my wife and daughters as we received the “Family of The Year” award for a civic organization. Yes, it was a mess and I still live with the fall-out. I get that and deeply regret what I did.

    During the last 12 years, I have talked to countless men about their experiences and I have arrived at a point where I am less judgemental about things that happen as it seems to more often than not, be about communication and relationships, both of which are “two way streets”.

    I look forward to reading your blog and continuing to learn more about this topic from a different perspective.

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      1. docphd0010's avatar E

        Hi Bugs,

        I am catching up on some posts I missed.
        it is interesting that despite all the information available, some cheaters still use justifications for their cheating. You made it clear (as do all betrayed) that cheating can never be justified. If there is a problem in the relationship, the solution is also in the relationship and not outside.

        Communication, indeed and openness and honesty about everything. That sets an intimate relationship apart from any social media acquaintance aka “friend”!

        Take care!

        E

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