BPD is *STILL* ME…

Sooo…it’s been waaayyyyy too long since I’ve last blogged…and I *really* want to change that.

About a year or so ago, I came across this: https://www.theonequestion.com/quiz/t1q-quiz/, which I’ve yet to complete. That said, I figured I’d *finally* get through it and post my results here!

Basically, I’ve been feeling rather *stuck* for awhile now and very much want to change that. So any self-reflection, self-help (although, admittedly, I cringe upon hearing — let alone saying(!) — the former (such a cliché!), etc. is most welcome at this time. And if anyone out there in the blogosphere could recommend something — anything(!) — it’d be much appreciated.

OK, enough rambling… here’s my T1Q self-reflection quiz:

1) What are you naturally curious about?

This is essentially about your interests. In order to understand yourself better you can ask yourself what kind of non-fiction books do you enjoy reading? What is the topic of the documentaries you like to watch? What are the newspaper or magazine articles about that you always read? What do you enjoy learning about?

I *love* learning and have always considered myself naturally curious. Indeed, I often have too many interests, which makes it exceedingly difficult to concentrate and really dedicate my all to one (gotta love ADHD!). When something really captures my interest, however, I tend to go all in. Anyway, here are somethings I’m especially curious about and enjoy learning about:

• health/wellness/fitness/medicine/nutrition/public health
• history
• psychology (and other social sciences, e.g., sociology, anthropology)
• art, music, writing, and all things creative (including the process)
• nature
• how I can personally improve and be the best version of myself and help others do the same
• human behavior and motivation
• linguistics, languages, grammar, syntax, etc.
• law

2) What would you like to change about the world?

This is a very powerful question. What are the kind of issues in the society that make you angry? What are the news about that make you angry? What do you want to change in the world for better?

There are certainly MANY issues in this world that merit consideration and assistance. I’m passionate about helping others– always have been. I’m also passionate about healthcare, public health education, advocacy (in general). I would love to be involved in some sort of humanitarian effort involving advocacy, education, etc…perhaps something involved with mental health awareness? Anything health related. Far too many around the world lack adequate access to healthcare and related resources. A big part of me would also like to somehow be involved in women’s right– perhaps surrounding domestic violence, legal advocacy, etc. In short, I want to help vulnerable populations that are, for whatever reason, unable to better help themselves. I think somewhere along those lines is where I’d start.

3) What would you love to do or accomplish before you die?

Try to make the list as big as you can.

• achieve true adult independence
• help others
• leave the world better off than I found it (even if only in some small way)
• have a fulfilling career
• make best use of my gifts and talents
• have a healthy, fulfilling relationship of my own (and perhaps a family)
• travel
• inspire others to be the best possible versions of themselves and help others and do good in this world
• become the best, most authentic version of myself
• figure out what I want to be when I grow up
• live a healthy, happy, fulfilling life
• be an integral part of a community
• publish (e.g., a novel or book of sorts, poetry, something academic, etc.)
• learn to truly live mindfully in the present moment

4) What would you do if you could not fail?

There are no limits – whatever you decide to do you will succeed at. If there is no fear of failure, what would you do?

• relocate and make a new start
• become completely independent and self-supporting
• go back to school
• become a doctor, attorney, pharmacist, psychologist, academic, etc.
• become and active musician again – and play every day
• land an amazing job that best makes use of my talents and skills (and pays what I deserve– definitely enough to live completely independently as an adult)
• always be completely open with my feelings/thoughts/emotions (where appropriate, of course)
• figure things out with my current “relationship” once and for all and make a definitive decision re next steps

5) What would you do if you would not be limited by money?

Sometimes we set barriers for our thinking because we think in terms of monetary limitations. If there wouldn’t be any, what would you dedicate yourself to?

(See above– especially re relocating, going back to school, living independently, etc.)

6) What would you like to hear at your funeral?

Imagine it’s your funeral and everybody close to you is there. One by one they give speeches. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of a friend and family member were you? Colleague? What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?

I would like to hear that I was a dedicated, thoughtful, loving, loyal person who persevered and never gave up despite the many obstacles and struggles I’ve faced over the years; that I used my talents, gifts, and experience to truly help others; that I lived an authentic life and wasn’t afraid to march to the beat of my own drum; that my sense of humor was appreciated. Man, this is a challenging question!

7) What are the things you currently enjoy doing?

What are the activities that make you feel the time just flies? Try to think about both, the fun stuff and productive activities.

It’s been difficult to enjoy much — if anything — lately. But, when I’m feeling well, I enjoy the following (perhaps I’ll also include some things I currently enjoy in my present state):

• writing and editing
• all things creative (e.g., music, art, cooking, baking)
• academia– the interminable pursuit of knowledge
• helping others
• sleeping
• nature
• warm, sunny days
• going through old keepsakes and accomplishments and waxing nostalgic
• dreaming and thinking of new, exciting ideas
• adventuring
• visiting museums and galleries
• traveling, taking vacations
• exercising
• spending time with my bf (or whatever he is at this point) when things are good
• spending time with friends and family

I’m sure I’m leaving lots out but you get the gist.

Anyway, I’m now only half-way through with this! And kind of struggling/having a mini-meltdown…so I’m going to have to finish at a later time. Stay tuned for part II!

To Be Continued . . .