~~

abused by most people who mistake vitriol for wisdom and cynicism for wit”.

poerdezmerdez.wordpress.com/…/wsjd-wwyd-nr-1

I post proverbial sh!t from time to time (too).

I get hurt from time to time (too) and I hurt people from time to time (too).

I make assumptions from time to time (too).

I am an oblivious fool from time to time and an unobservant idiot.

I am all of these things and more. But I am neither never malicious nor aggressive and least of all insensitive or heartless.

Above all of that I face (often far too hastily) my doubts,concerns and fears head-on, frequently ending up with egg on my face, but at least enlightened and fully aware of my shortcomings, faults and failures.

Forgive me (again) for the hurt I caused. I seem to get in deeper and deeper by the day. I am currently drowning in this sh!t.

I am ‘that friend‘.

That friend that f*cked up. That friend that expects a friend to scream in my face, if need be: “You did me wrong“. If only so that I could (at the very least) attempt to make it right. 

I didn’t know. (But not knowing is a law unto its own, I guess? Not knowing doesn’t justify the sin, does it? Not knowing isn’t a legitimate, acceptable response, is it?)

I was that (albeit obnoxious, unthankful, sh!tty) friend. That friend not worth mentioning your hurt to. The friend not worth allowing the benefit of the doubt, or in this case, the opportunity to fix what she broke or hurt.

The friend whose actions are now, two years later, used in a “WHAT WOULD YOU DO” poll or vote-of-confidence of sorts, to establish her sincerity or lack thereof, by mostly virtual strangers to both (bar what they post and who they profess to be in the virtual realm).

One thing though; one final thing: If said “ander vriend teenwoordig wat die lewende wit waks uit die besoekende vriend irriteer” was my very own daughter (who hardly if ever even speaks her ‘moedertaal’  even when we’re by ourselves), then I am sorry, but the chances are as slim as if said “ander vriend teenwoordig wat die lewende wit waks uit die besoekende vriend irriteer” was an old school friend who speaks a maximum total of a few (not even a hundred) words of German. Neither of which and the only ones who could possibly have been there at the time, to make you feel uncomfortable or even in the least bit unwelcome. And neither of who would intentionally do anything to compromise my friendship with someone, who firstly they KNEW to be my very best friend in the world and secondly who they knew I would never ever in my wildest dreams hurt in any way if I could prevent it in any possible way.

Either way, sadly, I still unto this day, don’t know who the irritant is…

But this is what I posted at the time.

I guess I didn’t thank you loudly or clearly enough.

Maybe if I had known that someone in my (very small) circle irritated you so much, I would have made an effort to keep you apart or at the very least made sure that you didn’t feel the way you did. But I didn’t know (oops, I forgot that that is NO excuse). How could I? Friends obviously don’t share this kind of information with each other, for reasons unknown to me (oh, heck, I seem to be constructed by unknowns). Friends also evidently don’t confront their friends to clear the air; to throw their tantrum; to give each other an opportunity to apologize and to give the friendship the chance it deserves.

I am Birgit

Birgit Coertze (néé Wenk)

Also known as BB.

The friend who didn’t deserve your friendship.

Do you know what it means to be a 1%er? I’ll try to keep it simple. “The AMA (American Motorcycle Association) stated that 99% of the people at their events were God fearing and family oriented. The other 1% were hard riding, hard partying, non mainstream type people. Thus the term 1%er was born. Some of the early bikers embraced the term and decided to call themselves 1%ers.”

That is the long and short of it. Nothing ‘romantic’ or even vaguely idealistic in that, for a God fearing, ever devoted, always optimistic soul like me, is there?

I am married to a 1%er. I certainly know the definition, but in my own deliriously naive way, I enhanced the term to suit my non negotiable definition of commitment, to not only everyone around me but specifically to such a 1%er as described above (specifically therefor my husband).

Also, you may find this funny (like you do most things regarding me and my circumstances, including my holy matrimonial status), but I firmly believed since the term 1%er also represents a well-known acronym in die motorcycle world: LH&R, which stands for Loyalty, Honor and Respect, that that would apply to me and my marriage at least as much as to the brotherhood, if not even a little bit more.

It is a HUGE thing for me to know that my other (better) half, who I have supported with these words, without fail for not only the past almost 6 years of marriage, but throughout our 13 year relationship, is a staunch follower and thus supposedly committed to these exact same values.

You can imagine my HUGE disappointment therefor, when I had to realize, contrary to your communication with me, that my discovery of your sordid and prolonged (albeit more often than not ‘virtual’ / text based) affair was merely “a mixture of my own emotions and assumptions”, was and had been a 14 year drawn out matter (you corrected my initial assertion of 13 years, remember?), which made me realize my mistake of complete incorrect interpretation of the term 1%er as well as LH&R.

Here’s the bad news: It seems that that ONLY applies to the motor cycle world. Not to you and me. The dedication and commitment begins and ends in the brotherhood. Nothing wrong with that, you might think… of course you would think that! How could you find anything wrong with that, seeing that the same values only presumably apply to you when it comes to you and  those around you; your nearest and dearest, but you certainly don’t seem to ascribe to these values with regard to complete strangers (realize that although you cheated with and enabled my husband to cheat on me, I am still a stranger to you; not having met me, nor having made my acquaintance as a human being, not seeing me as a person of worth or value).

Talking of nearest and dearest. You have sons, right? Not a daughter though, right? But maybe you have a daughter in law. Or you’ll get one someday. Here’s the thing. Would you wish what you so carelessly, leisurely and spitefully dished out to another woman for 13, oops, my mistake, 14 years on an on-and-off basis of every 6 months or so, would you honestly wish or not care for that to happen to said daughter or niece or even female friend of yours? If they came to you having been the victim (and yes, believe me, these women are victims to women like you); would you tell them that this conduct is acceptable and that they should just take it, turn the other cheek, swallow what little pride and self-respect they have left and get on with life?

What would your advice be to another woman (I mean one of those you actually cared about) in my shoes? That she deserves better? That she should’ve made and kept him happy? That she should leave him? Or stay and work things out? Knowing that the enabler could still be around this time next year… and the next… and the next (oh, 14 years are long, dear Olga). What would your advice to your son be if he cheated his wife for so long and yet still didn’t want to lose her after all. Would you tell him to pack his bags and go to his mistress or stay with his wife and keep the mistress around for moral support? Would you honestly fail the ‘sisterhood of mankind’ in such a grand way?

Which brings me to the following: as a (seemingly) intelligent human being – When is sexting for 14 years really good and satisfying enough for an educated albeit warmblooded person? Enough because you don’t have the responsibility of in addition to keeping the marriage vows (which might seem a  bit superfluous to you) as well as the more mundane tasks of making his bed, cooking his meals and keeping his clothes clean and folded right? Or is this where my understanding and sudden grasp of the 1%er comes in? Is a 1%er only loyal to his/her notion and or interpretation of the term? Do 1%ers, seeing they don’t answer to neither anyone nor God, really have no regard to any other gentle and mild mannered creature roaming the earth, because they don’t ‘owe’ them anything – least of all some kind of dignified treatment, much like the maxim of “Do unto others…”.

If that’s your view of yourself then here’s a newsflash: You are officially a 1%er.  But don’t fool yourself. In 1%er world, only men can be and are 1%ers. But also, don’t let that get you down. In our (real) world, you are one too (a bit of advice though: whatever you do, just don’t wear that patch to a rally). Also, it sounds hardcore, right? And some people get a real feeling of excitement being classified as hardcore. You have certainly qualified. In biker terms, you have been true to your values and morals (notwithstanding the fact that those are not classified as socially acceptable) and therefor, after 14 years of continuous perseverance and dedication to feeding and enabling the spirit of a man who should’ve been told to fix his own (excuse my French) sh!t, deserve no less than that patch (again, please don’t wear it to rallies or dayjols), because that’s another thing 1%ers do: they never hesitate to correct a brother’s wrong doing. And when he doesn’t listen – go Google it…

Congratulations, dear OlgaB and thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes to the real world (and worth) of 1%ers. Those hardcore souls who are in it to win it and answer to no-one. You’ve won this long and arduous battle of seemingly never-ending misery, heartache, self-doubt and humiliation.

You are still always welcome to become one of us 99%ers (99% because nobody is perfect); claim your much sought after prize (although he comes with some frustration, a lot of discontentment and much expectation of you fulfilling the 99% requirements to making him a ‘happy’ man). Do you see why one needs to be a 99%er woman? Because God made man in His image. Most men can hardly get past 1% of living up to that image (and somehow still believing they’re fit to ‘rule’ the world, never mind their own households). Then He decided to make woman. To support and to help man (because He knew that somebody would need to at least attempt to fill the 99% ‘happy-gap’ of man).

It’s hard work, dear Olga. But some of us women don’t mind at all. Because when we succeed, it is the most gratifying feeling in the world. When we don’t… we feel like I do right now. Failing at fulfilling a role and purpose must be the most painful experience of all. But, seeing you don’t care for feelings or emotions, taking on this grand mission, must be a walk in the park for you.

Good luck. Well done. And thank you, OlgaB, for your determination and persistence in perhaps in this way trying to let me know (although I did have to take a long detour to find out for myself) that my Giant 1%er is not what I’d hoped for. (In my innocence and committed mindset, I’m just again thinking you might have wanted to one day (maybe 14 years from now) tell me that you are tired of being a cheapskate (s)texter (did you know that the service is available at around  R40 per minute. 20% discount on every minute over 20 minutes – courtesy Google again! (You could become rich just by staying in bed!)

I don’t blame you, though. He still is the man of my dreams. He just can’t be in both of ours. I don’t share. You obviously do. Maybe one day when you’re sharing him with the next enabler, you might give me a talk on how to live with that. But I hardly think you would be able to convince me to change my mind.

14 Years you reiterated… you could’ve saved us all some time, least of all yourself, couldn’t you? We all could’ve been happy by now. Happy and enlightened; with a little bit more trust in human kind, dignity for ourselves and contentment in the knowledge that being a 99%er is really what we all should be striving for.

Sincerest

BB