Yep, you read it right, I had the freakin things, and they let me down again. I wrote the biological dad person. And well, he hasn’t written back or responded in any way, except now I find out that the person who is his son has blocked me and can I say WOW. I am really glad I wrote to him finally after all these years. I am proud of myself for doing it. At least that is what Big Stacy said she heard in my voice. But, I am really disappointed that the person who is his son, felt the need to delete me off of his friends list. Yes, I am talking about Facebook. LOL
You know when you haven’t had that person in your life growing up, and you build him up in your mind. You make him out to be superman, or the Incredible Hulk, or Triple H. Then you get the nerve up to call your grandmother, who happens to be his mother and find out that she is the nicest, warmest, most caring person you have ever met in your life. You think to yourself, hmmmm, my dad oops I used that word, is going to be at least half of that. Then you meet him and he throws money here there and everywhere at you, and you are way too overwhelmed to comprehend what is going on until he leaves, and you don’t hear from him ever again. I guess I just didn’t measure up. I was a teenage mom, I was a bit on the chunky side, and well, I had been through a lot. So, you start to think? I must have done something wrong. But, what? And all of your flaws, little as they may be you say to yourself, if I wasn’t like this or that, maybe my dad would have loved me, and accepted me. I do thank my mom, she told me from as young as I can remember who he was and all that info and she had a yearbook with his picture in that she shared with me and said someday you’ll meet him. She promised me. And I did. I really wish sometimes she would have broken that promise. Not, really but, sometimes it is a fleeting though.
As I got older, the urge to know exactly what I did wrong, turned into, hmmm, it’s been a while, maybe he has changed his mind and it has taken me almost 20 years to get the courage up to even admit to myself that I wanted to know. And guess what I expected him to tell me. I hate that. I should have known better and I did know better. I even told myself that I knew better when I wrote to him. But, here we are with no response and I have been blocked and his son has also blocked and deleted me. Go figure. But, it is ok, and I will be ok. Because I always make sure that I am. Just this time, I am going to be ok the right way, not the wrong way. I am not going to stuff it and make sure that everything is ok, I am going to let it out and let it be. Because if not, I am going to be stuck with some stinky sewage sh**. And we all know from that 70’s lady, that, just isn’t the right way. humpf….expectations…who needs them, I don’t!
Being Me 4 Me.... 