Lets be a community

There have been a few articles floating around the interwebs recently about the different types of moms. There are a lot of different types of moms.  Working moms, Stay at home Moms, Work at home moms, Moms that travel, Single moms who do it all, etc.  Regardless though of all the different “types” of moms, we are all people, too.  Our role in our family is Mother, but before we became mothers we were people. We had lives before our children.  Some of us traveled and saw the world-or the country.  Some of us got degrees and some of us gained all of our education through pure life experience.  Some of us stayed in our hometowns to cultivate lifelong friendships and grow our families together, and some of us left to new places of discovery.  There are many different ways we grew, developed, changed, and matured as women.

Then we became mothers.  Oh how there are so many ways to categorize mothers. There are those I listed above, but also so many more.  There are natural mothers, traditional mothers, attachment mothers, breastfeeding advocates, formula feeding mothers, mothers who practiced baby led weaning, those who co-sleep, those who room share, those whose babies slept in their cribs from day one, those who travel the world with their children, those who do things for themselves, those who feel guilty when doing anything for themselves, those who home school, those who take their children everywhere with them, those who adapt their lives to focus around their children, those who involve their children in all things they enjoyed before children became a part of their lives…and the list goes on and on.

As mothers, let’s remind ourselves-over and over, when we are out and about and we are surrounded by other mothers.  When we come across others who parent differently from us, who’s lives are not our lives, who’s children are not our children.  Let’s remind ourselves that they are not us, we are not them, and even though we may be different in our parenting styles, we are both still mothers and our children are thriving, happy, laughing, and amazing.  We still need support through; tantrums,feedings, naptimes, multi-tasking, self imposed mom guilt, sleepless nights, feeling overwhelmed, procuring hobbies that are our own, again, the list is endless.

To all my mom friends, I raise a glass to you. I am here to support you.  To let you know that even though it may have been a rough day, you are doing a fabulous job.  Below are pictures of just some of my own personal community of mothers.71color_saldana

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Missing him

May 2nd, our lives changed.  Our lives as a family unit, our identities as Aunt and Uncle, our responsibilities as parents, our fear of tragedy happening twice, the content of our dreams, our entire lives changed.  All encompassing.  The day we lost our Ryan will never again be a normal day.  September 5th, Ryan’s birthday, will never be a normal day.  Holidays will never be normal.  Our children’s birthdays will never be normal.  The next year holds so many firsts, and it is conflicting.  The firsts contrast.  Jake will take his first steps, crawl for the first time, have his first Christmas, Easter, Birthday, New Years, plane ride, first time meeting his extended Oregon Family, including his new niece.  All of which will be joyous.  However, under the joy we feel from celebrating our new little guy and his moments of advancement, we will also be heartbroken.  Heartbroken that these holidays and moments of excitement will be firsts without our Ryan.  The first Christmas without our Ryan.

Christmas is going to be exceptionally hard.  Our family has traditions that include hours of opening gifts, eating goodies, the kiddos wearing their matching jammies, leaving the Reindeer carrots and cookies for Santa, InNOut Christmas eve night after church, and so many more.  Matt and I carefully select gifts for the kids, usually getting the same thing for the boys.  Last year we got them these great football uniforms.  We got Conner a 49ers uniform, and for Ryan a Bengals one.  It is Dan’s favorite team.  They loved them.

We are not a unit anymore, even though we have to try to be-try as hard as we can.  We have to search for happiness in our sadness.  We have to remember all the sweet times we had with our Ryry.  We have to celebrate our little guy’s firsts, but also remember this is going to be a year filled with reoccurring heartache.  Those of you reading this, I ask, please pray for our families.  We go through our daily motions, but I see Ryan every night in my dreams.  I think about him any moment I am alone with my thoughts.  Every Friday I wear my red kicks or my red shirt.  Every 2nd of every month I have a cry when I am in my own space.  Every day is hard.  We miss him, so much.

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Rolling over

So my little man has been doing things on his own timeline.  He rolled over for the first time a little less than a month ago and then after that he would do it whenever he felt like it.  Now he is at the point where he does it every time he is on the ground.  Put him on his play mat, turn around, look over your shoulder and the kid is on his belly.  Then he plays, on his belly, and then gets SO mad.  He kicks his legs like he wants to climb right up and start crawling.  There are those moments when he does it and Lucy cheers for him and he gets the hugest grin on his face.  And then there are these moments.IMG_2280 IMG_2284

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Sensitive Babe

Grr. So for at least the last week I have had this cough, that seems to keep progressing.  At first it started as a tickle in my through and has taken over.  There are no other symptoms. Just this cough. Boo.  I decided that even though I don’t normally go to the doctor for things I would go in and get this taken care of.  I found her really randomly through a facebook group.  I love and hate social media for so many things.  One of the reasons I love it is this doctor.  She was fantastic.

We get into the room and Lucy starts rearranging furniture.  No big deal, chairs can be moved back. So I didn’t say anything.  When she had found the perfect place for the chair; she sits down, looks up, and says, “Mommy, I’m sitting by the bed so now I can protect you.”  Tears, anyone?

She has been doing this.  Getting extra sensitive when anyone is hurt or sick, and especially when a doctor’s visit is in order.  She doesn’t exactly know how to differentiate between a cough, a skinned knee, and what happened to our nephew.  So we have to spend lots of time reminding her that she is safe, and since we spend so much time letting her know that she is safe, she spends a lot of time reassuring that she will also keep US safe.

side note: the cough is viral bronchitis. boo.

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I sure do love pink.

When I found out my brother and his wife were having a baby I was ecstatic.  Actually, I was in tears.  Tears of joy and pure happiness.  I honestly wasnt sure what their plan for parenthood was. Or if they wanted to embark on that adventure/challenge/life change.  But they do. And I couldn’t be more excited.  They are sweet, careful, and interesting people.  They are readers, gamers, collectors, adventurers.  They are kind, caring, amazing, cautious, and so many other things.  They will make incredible parents to their little…………………….GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a very long time since there has been a new baby to cuddle, that wasn’t our own-obviously.  I can’t wait to snuggle my new niece.  Oh and spoil her rotten with ALL KINDS OF PINK!IMG_2204

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Recital Time

I have to say I was a little leery about Little Lucy and her first ballet recital. At first I was so excited for it.  Cutie pie little girls in their tutus, buns, and lip gloss (some in full on RED stripper lipstick, haha).  Then as time went by I started to realize a few key things. The first is that these things are EXPENSIVE!  Just paying for the tickets and the recital fee put us back a pretty penny.  Thank goodness her costume was included.  The second thing is that the show was scheduled for 2pm. This happens to be smack dab in the middle of Ms. thing’s naptime.  Soooo, that in itself is unpredictable.  She doesn’t miss her nap often, so I didn’t know what was going to happen.  And the third.  She was just getting over it.  She was actually telling me she didn’t feel good to try and get out of going to class.  She just turned three people, this shouldn’t ALREADY be happening should it?!  So leading up to the show I had all of these elements of unpredictability in the back of my head.

The weekend of the big show arrived.  My parents had flown in from Oregon to watch.  Thursday she had class and my mom went with us.  She was her normal self, just not into it.  Friday night I drove her to the rehearsal.  She was all decked out, and she was actually SO excited.  And then it was their turn.  And she KILLED IT!  I was in awe.  Like jaw dropped on the floor in awe.  Like holy moly sister-you just rocked that stage.  Saturday was the big day.  We were able to get her down for a nap at 10:30.  Then we got her ready, drove her down to the show and fancied her up.  She was thrilled and excited to be here.  She knew that a whole entourage of people had come to see her show.  And she loved it.  She kept jumping up and down saying “I’n so esided!!!”  It was adorable.

I decided to stay back with her since the only back stage mom was one from the other class and she looked like she could use some help.  This also meant some quality time with my sweet girl.  They went out for their ballet routine and they couldn’t see their teacher, so they turned and plie’d in a less that orderly fashion.  Which was actually kind of funny.  And then they went back out for their tap routine later and just hit it straight out the ball park.

Even after she was done, though, she still said, “Momma, now that my ‘cital is over, I’n going take a break from ballet.” And so we will, but not until we loaded her up with pink roses.  One of my favorite memories from all of the recitals I did as a child was when we were done and my family would come up to me armed with hugs and roses.  What child doesn’t feel extra special-celeb status special, when holding more than a dozen roses.

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Jakers

Hey Bubbus.  You are five months, almost six.  You are our little party animal.  You nap the longest when your sister is also napping, because to miss a moment of playing with her is something you’re not ready to give up to sleep.  You have gifted your daddy and I with longer stretches of sleep at night-other than when your little nose is stuffy.  You roll over, but only when you feel like it and you never sit straight up because your toes are too interesting.  Your hands are constantly in your mouth and you smile at anyone who looks at you.  I swear you love your sister so much.  You get a huge grin on your face whenever I say her name.  You are SO big!  Almost 18lbs already.  Which is a lot when you want momma to rock you to sleep.  I still don’t mind.  I’ve tried putting you to bed drowsy, but all you do is play.  For hours.  You don’t cry often, unless we are in the car.  You have a belly laugh that goes into a sort of gasp when you find something hilarious and your dialect resembles something like Pterodactyl.

You are the perfect addition.  We love you to the ends of the earth, and even though there are things happening around us that are unexplainable, your smile helps us all smile.

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Potty Trained. After a long while.

Lucy has been potty training for QUITE SOME TIME.  I would say that for the most part it hasn’t been too frustrating-although we have had our moments.  Pretty much since November  of last year she would go when we gave her potty breaks.  But she hadn’t ever really told me she had to go.  There was a small regression when Jake was born, as to be expected…everyone said there would be. However, it seemed to just click when she turned three.  She has started telling me before she has any kind of accidents AND she has been wearing undies overnight for the past week.  I had randomly asked her if she was ready and she would say no.  Or I would tell her that when she was ready she could wear undies.  One day last week I asked her if she was ready and she said YES!  So she did. And she has woken up dry every day since.  There are a couple of proud parents, and one very accomplished kiddo in this house right now.ImagePhoto Courtesy of Valerie from Tulips and Tangerines Photography

ImageAlso, because life has moved forward, but not on-I want to scream to the world.  This little man is on my mind every single day.  And I love him.

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There are no words.

This post is hard for me to write.  Lucy turned three earlier this month. In the midst of the greatest tragedy of any of our lives.  Our sweet nephew Ryan was hit by a car while he played outside his cousin’s house.  Lucy’s best friend.  It has been three weeks since we received the call and began to rally around our sister and brother, and it still feels like a bad dream.  We miss him so much, more than words can express, and more than anyone-even ourselves-could ever explain or understand.

We celebrated Lucy’s birthday with very heavy hearts.  For her it was still magical, for us it was bittersweet.  I am thankful everyone from my dad’s side happened to be here to celebrate with us.  My dad, sister, brother, and his wife had flown in, and my other sisters and their families who live here came to her little party also.  I set up a tiny mermaid party table and decorated her pink cake with pink sprinkles.  Ryan was supposed to be there with us, celebrating.  I saw so much of him in her that day.  I let her open presents intermittently and she ate close to whatever she wanted, even if she side swiped the cake with her pointer finger a few times. We partied loud and wild-just like if Ryan was there.

IMG_2167The next day, Matt came home for just a moment.  We took the mermaid from the cake, Lucy’s Lightening McQueen car, and a candle to Ryan’s memorial.  The mermaid to let him know he was there the whole time with us, the car because Cars was his favorite and he would probably have played with it anyway, and a candle because he would have been blowing out the candles right along with Lucy that day.

We had planned for months to surprise Lucy with a trip to Disneyland on her actual birthday.  Matt had taken the day off.  Disneyland was one of Ryan’s favorite spots.  He and his mother (our sister) were there all the time.  Including hours before he went home to be with God.  Needless to say, while she was ecstatic, our hearts were breaking all over again.  We wanted it to be a joyful day for her, however just being there was difficult.  When Lucy and her daddy rode Dumbo, I watched them and remembered when we went there last April.  I had to leave early so Jacqui and Ryry joined us earlier than everyone else.  They met us in line and Ry spilled his smoothie on the ground.  We were so excited to see them.  Lucy rode the carousel for the first time sitting all by herself with Ryan riding the horse by her side.  One year later, My tears ran under my glasses as I waved and smiled when she rode by me, beaming.

Having my family with us that day helped tremendously.  And Lucy got to meet Tiana.  Her second favorite princess, after Ariel-of course.  This made the trip a little brighter for us.  We had seen Tiana walking from her post up spot several times while waiting for my dad and sister to go down splash mountain.  Each time Lucy was sleeping.  For like EVER.  The first time we saw her I said to her, “You are my daughter’s favorite! And she is SLEEEEPING!” the next time we saw her I just couldn’t believe it.  And the NEXT time we saw her I said to her, while pointing at the stroller, “Longest nap EVER!” She just laughed in her southern belle way.  Finally she woke up.  We took her potty and started walking back up the hill.  Do you know who we see?  Ms. Tiana.  I get Lucy out of the stroller and Tiana drops to her knees, opens her arms and scoops up my baby.  It was awesome.  Such a sweet moment on such a rough day.  She sat with Lucy for pictures and after, Lu gave her one more sweet hug.20140506_170402The day was long, but we did whatever we could to make it as fun as possible for our birthday girl.  This included walking through Princess Aurora’s castle about 10 times.  She wanted to do it again.  We let her do it again.  She wanted to make that her last choice.  We made it her last choice.  Once again-We lived our day at Disney just like Ry would have, especially if he and Lucy were there together.  Loud and Wild.

We have since told our sweet baby about her cousin.  And she is having a hard time, right along with the rest of our family…our families.  Our sister and brother are persevering and moving forward, taking baby steps, with more strength than I will ever know.  They are brave and amazing people and parents.  There is not a single day, or night we don’t think about our sweet, crazy Ryan.

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101 things updated

On February 13, 2013 I wrote a list of things I’d like to accomplish in 1001 days, or on November 11, 2015.  One year (and a two months) later, I’d like to post an update.

Personal
1.      Collect all of dr Seuss’s books
2.     No candy for a month
3.     Take prenatal yoga when 2nd baby happens
4.     Get my haircut at least every 5 months
5.     Take a class at the community college
6.     Have a goal each day for nap time
7.     Have a girls night once a month at least!
8.     Have a girls weekend once or twice a year
9.     Yearly spa day!
10.   Throw a surprise party-I threw a party for Matt in October
11.    Call loved ones on their bday
12.    Start/Join a book club
13.    Read or reread 5 classic novels Dracula
14.    Start practicing yoga again Intermittently beginning last month
15.    See a Cirque de Solel show Saw Love with my sister in Vegas
16.    Read one book a month
17.    Collect all of the Disney classic movies
18.    Get bookcases or shelves to display books in the house
19.    Grow a garden
20.   Compete 20 crafts/projects
21.    Hire a stylist to help Rebuild wardrobe after losing baby weight (after 2nd baby)
22.    Connect with new friends
23.    Find a mommy and me class for lucy and I to attend once a week-She started Ballet and we have done classes in swimming
24.    Send 30 hand written letters
25.    Host a book party
26.    Host another favorite things party
27.    Buy new running shoes Got these for my anniversary last year

Professionalish
28.    Get a teaching job
29.    Start a parent and me art/sensory class
30.    Get certified to teach toddler yoga
31.     Attend professional development conferences to help keep me relevant in education
32.    Create a meet-up group for mommas in my area

Travel
33.    Get my passport
34.    Visit nanny in NY
35.    Go to Kauai again
36.    Travel to Ireland and run in a field
37.    Attend Lion King on broadway
38.    Travel to Boston
39.    See the White House again
40.    Have a girls day with my mil/mom
41.     Road trip and camp up the coast of cal and Oregon
42.     Take lucy to the sea lion caves
43.     Have a picnic
44.     Take lucy camping

Domestic
45.    Maintain a daily cleaning schedule
46.    Have my house professionally cleaned 1x a year
47.    Clean my kitchen sink and counters every night
48.    Buy new couches-we were gifted a new couch
49.    Vacuum stairs once a week for 3 months
50.    Buy new bedding-Christmas gift last year
51.     Buy new couch pillows
52.    DIY my own headboard

Environmental
53.    Replace all my plastic tupperware with glass or stainless steel-Replaced Christmas 2013
54.    Replace paper towels with fabric napkins
55.    Replace all my cleaning products with non toxic alternatives (those that haven’t already been)
56.    Replace Teflon pans with non Teflon
57.    Have a more natural labor-Completed January 15, 2014
58.    Complete a 3mo compact-Completed january-march 2013

Organizational
59.    Have a compete address book
60.    Make sure to always have stamps
61.     Build a network of trustworthy babysitters
62.    Organize a mail center in my home-Done
63.    Send birthday gifts out on time
64.    Send birthday and Christmas cards with more intention
65.    Make my bed every day
66.    Finish the gallery wall in our bedroom
67.    Get wedding dress cleaned and preserved
68.    Pay off student loans
69.    Have my IG pics printed
70.    Create an efficient filing system

Family
71.    Buy a house
72.    Get a safe deposit box
73.    Have a weekend away with the hubs at least 2x a year
74.    Have a second baby-Completed january 15, 2014
75.    Find some community outreach where lucy and I can volunteer together
76.    Find a play based preschool for my daughter-Found! she starts September 2014
77.    Do a craft advent calendar for Christmas
78.    Go for a hike once a week with my kids
79.    Potty train lucy-Completed October 2013
80.    Have family photos done once a year at least-Done January 2014
81.    Date night with the hubs once a month
82.    Family dinners once a week for 3 months

83.    Transition lucy to a big girl bed

84.    Make baby food for our next one

85.    Cloth diaper-Working on it with this guy. We do it about half the time.
86.    Cook dinner 2x a week
87.    Cook 10 different recipes
88.    Enroll lucy in a dance class-Completed February 2014
89.    See my kid (s) learn how to swimStuff to try!
90.   Visit a chiropractor-Done and still visiting
91.    Try acupressure
92.    Take a cooking class
93.    Say “yes” more
94.    Run a 5k-Turkey Trot while pregnant and Color Run 2014
95.    Try hot yoga
96.    Take a dance class

Kindness
97.    Do something nice for someone every day for a week
98.    Complete 30 acts of random kindness
99.    Send someone a gift anonymously
100.  Volunteer at a nursing home
101.   Sponsor a child
102.  Send my mom and mil flowers for no reason

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