Hey there. It’s been a long time since my last post. I guess I was just collecting a lot of things to say before writing another entry (reasoonnssss lol). But I guess this time of the year is the best time to do it. And I am writing this while visiting my sister in Japan to spend Christmas and New Year—maybe another perfect timing, because it feels proper to celebrate the season away from a place that really broke my heart this year.

I survived. That’s basically a summary of my year. When you survive, it means you were hit by something unfortunate and unexpected. That’s my story—about friendships and relationships in 2025 that caused heartaches and instability. But I will try to turn this story into lessons I must have been meant to learn. Surviving is a positive thing anyway. It’s not yet done, though, but things have come a long way, and my fighter self still wants to make life happier than evaaahhhh.

Friendship over?

When I came to Cavite for good, I was afraid that I wouldn’t find friends who would give color and fun to my life. But at the same time, I was hopeful that God would not abandon me to be alone and lonely. In fact, the Christian song “Build My Life” has been a theme song that helped me believe in better days to come. And it worked.

I found my circle in Dasma. Almost every week, I was with them—having fun and making memories of friendship and brotherhood. We played badminton, volleyball, COD, and all the board games you could think of, and laughed at the top of our lungs. It was fun—until it wasn’t.

One would say it’s just a misunderstanding that every friend group experiences and that things will eventually fall into their right places again. However, the reasons are too heavy to mend. Hindi lang ‘to simpleng misunderstanding. It’s a matter of values and principles that are wired into my DNA, and going against them feels like fighting a strong tide. I always hope na simple lang talaga para mas madaling magsorry at kalimutan ang mga bagay-bagay. But I know that doing so without genuine change is just enabling someone to do wrong and continue injustice. Yun ang ipinaglalaban ko. Hangga’t hindi naitatama, I will stand for what I believe is right.

And it’s not easy, because my mental health has already been greatly affected for months. I am afraid of losing friends, but I am also afraid of losing myself if I just tolerate what’s happening. In fact, for me, this is how I show care for the people I consider friends. I care because I don’t want them to be judged by others. I care because I am rebelling against wrongdoing. Kung sarili ko lang ang iniisip ko, I could simply tolerate things, go on with my happy life, and stop caring. Why would I sacrifice my peace of mind anyway? But that’s not me as a friend. I care, and I only want good things for my people.

Sometimes, I wish I didn’t learn about some things. I was deeply hurt for two reasons.

First—to know that a person I care about was hurt, taken advantage of, and disrespected. I am standing up for that person until now, even if he doesn’t see all of its worth and still believes that goodness and forgiveness will come for all of us.

Second—for taking away my peace and happiness.

For several months, I had no problems of any sort. I was content with life and satisfied with how the stars aligned for me. And they knew it. I shared this with them and was proud that they were part of why life felt so good for me. Yet, I got involved in issues I wish I had never been aware of. Since then, days have felt heavier. At some point, it even felt like it was changing me. I became rebellious about it because that’s not the life I want for myself.

All my friends know that I have no other desire in life but to be happy. That’s my north star—the thing that guides me every day. And to take that happiness from me is like taking away the very thing that gives my life direction.

At this moment, I’ve already accepted the reality that we can’t go back to what we were before. I miss those days, but what’s done is done. I’ll leave it to the universe to decide what comes next. Do I still want to be friends with them? No doubt—yes. But until things are made right, I am okay with where things stand now.

Another test…

My circle of friends of 20 years is also being tested this year. They are like brothers and sisters to me. We grew together since high school. We saw each other succeed and fail, and we laughed about everything in between. That’s basically the character of our group. We laugh at anything—even experiences that are unfortunate, emotional, or heartbreaking. We can talk and laugh for hours without getting bored. I am very happy whenever I am with them, and I know they are too.

But this year has been a bit bitter for us. I had a misunderstanding with one of them, and things became mentally—and psychologically—exhausting. Exhausting because I would never want to cause pain to anyone, especially to a dear friend. The prolonged agony of thinking about the what-ifs, the questions lingering in my head, the thought of happy times being wasted, the uncertainty of what’s coming next, and the mere thought of her not being okay—all of these are extra heartbreaking and draining.

I know my intentions were never meant to harm her. But maybe some things were lost in translation.

I still believe I did nothing wrong. But at some point, I realized that maybe what I didn’t do was what went wrong. Sana ginawa ko ‘to. Sana ganito ako. Sana I was extra careful. Sana mas naipakita ko yung love ko for them. Those are the “sana” moments I wish I had thought about earlier so this situation could have been avoided. Sana pala I tried to be more self-aware bilang kaibigan sa mga taong gusto kong makasama for life.

This is a classic example of maling akala. I thought okay na kami. Comfortable na kami sa isa’t isa. Tanggap na namin ang bawat isa, including our flaws. But what’s happening now is my reality check. You can never be complacent. You can never take things for granted.

At some point, I feel like people are putting me under standards I will never meet because they’re simply not who I am. I thought friends were supposed to accept you for who you are. But then again, minsan kailangan din mag-adjust. As long as it’s not against your values and it’s for the better, it’s also right to tweak something within yourself. Friendship is still a relationship that needs effort to exist and to thrive.

On the bright side, I believe this is making me a better person and a better friend. I also believe that our 20-year friendship is being led to a different direction—one that will only deepen our bond. A new chapter with even greater memories and more love for each other. Hindi na yung happy-happy lang, but a friendship that is fully architectured to last a lifetime.

The year may have been heartbreaking for my social life, but there are still good times and great memories to be grateful for. So, thank you 2025. Cliché as it may sound, life goes on.

Let’s rock it.