| CARVIEW |
I'm feeling much better now
- Oct. 6th, 2013 at 9:11 PM
This past week I didn't do much, except try to rest and sleep. I think it helped a little. Yesterday I drove out to my mom's because she wanted her car back (Yes! Although I never did do anything fun with it.). Her sister is arriving tomorrow and will need to drive it. She will also be there next weekend. My sister is going out there too, I think in part to renew their bond (my aunt and sister spent a week together in Vienna when my mom had her surgery; they both left the day I came, although I saw B at the airport since we were both flying Aer Lingus and the gates were next to each other). Now I'm wondering if I should go out there on Saturday, to close the circle as it were (since we didn't get to meet in Vienna and my aunt lives in California). Hmmmmm. It's probably a no-brainer, right?
My mom has scads of substitute daughters. Although is substitute the right word? Younger women she has quasi-mentored (the jealous part of me says "probably better than she did her own daughters") in various ways. Anyway, I saw two of them this weekend--once went to a symphony concert with her (I elected to go to bed, because I was dragged to the symphony with my mom throughout my childhood and it's just not my thing) and the other drove me to the train and then it was about 15 minutes late so we had a chat.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that my mom, in her 80s, is able to have meaningful emotional relationships with younger women whom she's met relatively recently. But it's kind of weird, for me, since these women might see my mom more than I do, and I feel like they might imagine a deeper relationship with her than they actually have. I mean, I know her well enough to know that despite her charm, she can't really be depended on. But, of course, these women are all grown, so maybe they've figured it out and it's OK with them. It's not the same as being a kid. They also don't have that thing, where they might feel, as I do, that she is hoping that they will make up for her own deficiencies. Which just doesn't work out, when you're dealing with your kids.
It's odd being told over and over again how great your mom is and how much everyone loves her. Everyone loved my dad, too. It makes me wonder about my own lovability. Is that inherited, or does it get attenuated over a few generations?
I am pretty sure my mother, while not exactly manipulative, always knows exactly how charming she is being. Which is why sometimes I am deliberately not very charming, in order to give people a chance.
Maybe I should discuss this sometime with my own actual sisters/co-daughters.
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Today has been my birthday
- Sep. 16th, 2013 at 10:08 PM
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Very Vienna 2013: Innere Stadt (inside the Ring)
- Aug. 22nd, 2013 at 8:52 PM
I was a bit disappointed by the Ring. I though it would be a grand monument to city planning. Some parts of it are indeed monumental, but other sections look more like Flatbush than Park Ave.
( Mostly churches and palacesCollapse )
Very Vienna 2013: Architecture and streetscapes
- Aug. 21st, 2013 at 11:44 PM
Mostly taken in the 9th district, where I stayed. AKH (hospital) is in 10th district.
Very Vienna 2013: Candy and cakes
- Aug. 21st, 2013 at 7:08 PM
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It's my last free Wednesday and I should go to the beach
- Aug. 21st, 2013 at 10:42 AM
Other conflicting urges, in no particular order:
- Vacuum
- Arrange Vienna photos in album and upload to FB etc.
- Shower
- Make phone calls
But mostly I am just fooling around on line.
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New Hair
- Aug. 6th, 2013 at 11:35 PM

It is strongly reminiscent of my haircut when I was 12, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, right? I got it done at Sally Hershberger Downtown, in the Meatpacking District, which as I'm sure you all know is a super hip spot ;-) I was a hair model for the apprentice class, so it was only $40 (instead of $200).
We'll just see what it looks like tomorrow, once I take a shower and have to style it myself (and you KNOW I am not going to blow it out with a round brush, though I'm not adverse to using tons of product).
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Failure already!
- Jun. 4th, 2013 at 6:41 AM
Have a cute kitty picture

or two

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An ambitious goal!
- Jun. 2nd, 2013 at 11:28 PM
Today--not that much to report. I went to the movies and saw "Now You See Me," which was fun, clearly hoping to become a franchise, but a little overwhelmed by excessive CGI and rushed, excessively complex plot. I liked Isla Fisher, whom I haven't seen onscreen before. Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine will appear in the next installment, I hope, because they really didn't get enough time here. I absolutely do not believe that a blonde French babe (Mélanie Laurent) would fall for Mark Ruffalo's character under any circumstances, but whatever. And Woody Harrelson basically stole every scene he was in.
I blame the editing for any other faults.
A slight undercurrent of terror
- May. 21st, 2013 at 10:36 PM
Tomorrow is T's IEP meeting. I think we are prepared for it. He has not been missing any school, he has been bathing regularly and he has been doing his homework and reviewing for end of year stuff. I hope it will go smoothly.
In case it's not clear, I do realize that I have not been the world's greatest parent in some regards. I say this because I had a bit of a ... fight? ... argument? Moment of raised voices? With the psychiatrist I see for medication management and I'm still rather annoyed about it. I do know that I fucked up, of course, in retrospect, but at the time I thought other things were more important for T than going to school. It seemed like I had to make a choice and I made what felt like the best choice in the moment. In any case I am (we are) taking action to rectify our mistakes. So I don't really need someone to start lecturing me about how even paranoid schizophrenics and people paralyzed from the neck down still need to be functional and how NOBODY just gets to stay home and play computer games. Because while it's all true, it's really not what I needed to hear in the moment.
- Current Location:US, New York, Kings, Lafayette Ave, 836
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Page Summary
- I'm feeling much better now [+1]
- Today has been my birthday [+2]
- Very Vienna 2013: Innere Stadt (inside the Ring) [+0]
- Very Vienna 2013: Architecture and streetscapes [+0]
- Very Vienna 2013: Candy and cakes [+3]
- It's my last free Wednesday and I should go to the beach [+0]
- New Hair [+5]
- Failure already! [+2]
- An ambitious goal! [+5]
- A slight undercurrent of terror [+2]

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