| CARVIEW |
Today, on January 20th, it has been exactly one year since I boarded a plane to Mexico. I acted like a butterfly…
Let me explain: There’s a species of butterflies, called the monarch butterfly, that undertakes a journey from Canada to Mexico every winter to lay its eggs on the sunny side of life. Basically, these butterflies spend their life travelling and mating. Sounds like a fun life to me!
Last year, on January 20th, I followed their example. Winter in Berlin had been harsh, as usual. Both my health and my mood were going downhill. When my Mexican friend invited me to come over, I simply did it. I grabbed my bags and flew off to Mexico City.
My mission, apart from kissing a Mexican guy, was to fuel up on sunshine, affection and lightness. And that’s what I did.
I hadn’t seen my friend in twelve years and it was wonderful to be roomies, to have someone to talk to, someone to hug, someone to laugh with, someone to share and experience adventures with. She showed me around and included me in her life. Her family. Her friends. Her workmates. Everyone was so very kind and welcoming to me. By her side, I had a Mexican life of my own.
9716 kilometres from home, I found a place that felt warm and safe. I experienced what it was like to have a big sister. I was blessed with the most recharging and soul-feeding month in a long time. Just like a monarch butterfly.
How about YOU? When was the last time you felt like a monarch butterfly?
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As some of you may know, there’s a German Christmas tradition that consists in lighting one candle every Sunday in December, leading up to Christmas Eve on December 24th. That makes a total of four candles which are usually arranged in a circle called Adventskranz.
Since I still had some left-over candles from last year, I decided to get them out a few days ago to create my own version of an Adventskranz. I like to place my candles in line instead of a circle. Instead of the traditional fir branches and cones I added some sand to the arrangement and decorated it with crystal balls (and giraffes).
When I was done, I sent a pic to a friend from work. She replied that it was quite nice to start with last year’s fourth candle as this year’s first. It took me a minute to understand what she meant. Because from my perspective, I had lit the first candle (the tallest one), not the fourth. But it suddenly made sense to me and that’s the actual thing that makes me happy about this whole Christmas and lighting candles story:
I’ve been learning Arabic (the Syrian dialect) since April. As some of you may know, Arabic is written from right to left, instead of the other way around. So I intuitively arranged the candles following that very same scheme: placing the tallest one on the right and the other three to its left side so that the shortest and fourth candle would be on the very left.
This makes me so happy because it shows my brain has become more flexible. There isn’t just one way to view or do things. There are plenty. For me, this feels like another proof of how language shapes and reflects the way we experience the world. It points out that knowing several languages can lead to new perspectives on life. Brain flexibility makes me happy!
How about YOU? What random thing has recently made you happy?
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You are the title of a story yet to tell —
A long one, if you dare to listen. You are there
when no one else seems to care, in bare feet.
Like a light-hearted bride in a veil you wander around.
That soothing tune on your lips won’t shy away.
Are you here to stay?, I wonder
I can feel your presence in that soft spot
in my chest. You tuck me in when sleep
keeps me waiting. You whisper
and I wish the world would listen.
As humanity falls, you keep on dancing
As the music stops, your humming echoes
from the mountains to the sea.
You are a fruit as sweet as
hope.
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un jueves
lado a lado
me agarras la mano
la besas
te la llevas
en mi lecho
no quiero a nadie más
sólo a tí
y a mis uñitas en pijama
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I currently own thirty-five lipsticks. Thirty-five. That’s excluding moisturizing lip balms, lip oils and clear glosses. Do I need all of them? Definitely not. Am I some sort of addict? Probably.
My lipstick “addiction” started in 2015. Before then, I barely owned a handful of lipsticks and a few lip balms. But then, I finalized my studies and started working in a stressful environment. Buying lipsticks was my way of coping, my way of comforting myself, my way of feeling confident that everything would be ok. The lipsticks I’ve bought myself so far cost no more than a few euros. Which makes my guilty pleasure a rather affordable one compared to buying other items. It’s also less damaging than substances such as alcohol, cigarettes and the like. The thing about my lipsticks is that they all tell a story.
There are the two lipsticks that have been with me since Turkey. I remember exactly where I got them: One in Forum Bornova (Izmir), an outdoor shopping mall with palm trees. The other one at a little shop just around the corner from where I lived.
There are the sexy balms that were hyped for their durability and water resistance. Apparently, you could go surfing and do all sorts of beach activities and they would stay put all day. I used to watch their adverts in French during work.
Then, there’s the Kündigungslippenstift (job contract termination lipstick). My friend Romina and I got it after we were dismissed. This event was unrelated to watching lipstick adverts during work, by the way… Anyway, as for this particular one, we’d been monitoring the price for months and finally bought it when it was the cheapest.
My collection contains all sorts of red lipsticks that make me feel particularly self-confident. There are several darker, more purple, tones that are suitable for autumn, according to Romina.
There are the ones that were gifts which came with other products. I tend to buy products that include gifts.
There’s the one Romina and I got in Italy and the salesperson insisted we take the matching lip liner as well.
There’s the high quality one I got for my birthday in 2019 because the friend who dances with my mind and soul knew I love lipsticks. It smells so nice.
One of my sister’s friends offered me a lipstick for X-Mas shortly before we all got Covid. Then there’s the one from the friend that taught me unconditional love. She included it in a care package that she handed me through the bathroom window, both of us wearing FFP2 masks.
There’s the one I wore in Paris: a red long duration one that has the Leo zodiac sign on it.
There are also the ones from Mexico: The first, a gift from myself. The second, a gift from a dear childhood friend. The third, a gift from her.
The ones with the witty names are among my favourites: “challenge authority”, “declare independence”, “design your future”.
There’s a nude tone I got when I started a new job two years ago.
There’s the other nude but sparkly one my mom helped me choose.
There’s the one my sister surprised me with. It’s called “My Way”.
There’s the one I bought with my sister-in-law: “My Love”.
There’s the one I got myself when I realized my brain is wired differently: “My Mind”.
There’s another glammy long duration one Romina offered me this summer. I wore it on our day trip to Leipzig.
And finally, there’s the most recent member of my collection: a light red shea butter one I’ve declared my period lipstick.
Thirty-five lipsticks are enough for two and a half life times. I’m well aware of that. But they all tell a story. When I wear them, I remember these stories. And I continue experiencing new stories in their company. With a smile on my lips.
How about YOU? What’s your guilty pleasure and which story does it tell?
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I often picture myself as the main character in a movie (called “My Life”) and I get to see what this character experiences day in and day out. Seeing life through the lens of her eyes lifts me up.
The other day, I caught her giggling when she noticed that a very particular fridge magnet matched a very particular postcard. The magnet pictures a giraffe stretching its neck on the facade of a green building, next to some windows and balconies. It’s a souvenir from a recent trip to Dresden. The postcard shows a row of buildings set in the picturesque district of Montmartre. The Eiffel Tower and the Sacré-Cœur church in the background, some people dancing on the streets, sitting in a café or standing on their balconies in the foreground. A beloved friend brought this postcard from Paris.
My character very much enjoyed the idea of the Dresden giraffe stretching its neck in the middle of a Paris facade. And that’s just a tiny detail to get excited about. Imagine what else this character’s life has to offer!
How about YOU? What random thing has recently made you happy?
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In the days leading up to my birthday, I talked to a dear friend and expressed how little motivation I felt to celebrate it. She told me a story about a guy she’d recently met at a party. A guy who’d been very depressed after his divorce. This guy was now enjoying his life to the fullest. How had he managed to gain a more optimistic outlook on life? He’d sensed that with every day that passes, we don’t only live for one more day but also for one day LESS. He used this realization as an opportunity to make the most of the days he’s got left.
Through her story, my friend offered me a new perspective. Since we don’t really know how many days are on our life accounts, it’s wise to assume it might be less days than expected. We’ll all be leaving this world as empty-handed as we’ve entered it. I know I won’t be taking any material goods with me. Instead, when my day comes, I want to leave with a luggage full of:
- hugs and kisses
- songs and dances
- authentic conversations
- slow meals shared with kind people
- learnings and insights
- minds I may have changed
- mistakes I may have forgiven
- laughter
- tears (of joy and of wisdom)
- coffee breaks
- inner journeys
- travels to places near and far
- fun stories I shared with others
- accomplished missions
- sunrises and sunsets
- creative experiences
- moments shared with family
- and people that make me kinder and stronger and wiser and softer
- small and big adventures
It won’t matter how much I worked, nor how much I earnt. It won’t matter which size I wore nor how much I weighed. I want to leave this world with aNadventures that will have filled my heart to the brim. Until the moment it stops beating.
How about YOU? What would you like to take with you when you leave this world?
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red lips
whisper confidence
is this cup included?
i take it
like i take things
until i notice
they are not
how to change
beliefs
based on
assumptions?
believing –
is it the same
as being alive?
how to live
without regrets?
how to let go
of what’s holding
you down?
how to look up
without looking down
on others?
how to express
without being pressed?
red lips
whisper confidence
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Some days
I don’t want to
feed myself
talk to anybody
Some days
I want to
drink a second
cup of coffee
and a third
Some days
I rewrite my story
fill in the blanks
_thanks_
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You’re a playlist on repeat
when I take a shower,
when I grab my coat
and walk the streets of a grey city.
So far away and yet so close.
You’re a bed
wide enough to host us both,
to laugh for hours,
to teach me expressions
that I evidently didn’t know before.
You’re a car without a klaxon
that drives me home safely.
You are home. A soft voice when my stomach hurts.
A hand that takes me dancing and pushes me
right into the arms of a kissable stranger.
You’re a pair of sunglasses
that know how to read me
when my own sight has gone blurry.
You’re the cup of coffee I crave
when I want to disconnect from reality.
You’re the landscape of your ancestors,
the echo of a lion that roars sisterhood.
You remind me to enjoy myself,
to loosen that hair ribbon
and unleash my sense of humour.
You are sunshine,
you are love,
you are lightness.
When I miss you, I look up at the skies
and I see the bunny taking a nap.
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