I no longer work directly with the Screaming Banshee! Back in June we had a meeting and completed a manager's shuffle. The company does this from time to time to prevent the SM's from getting complacent with any one administrator.
This case, was specific for me. I bought the newly assigned Senior admin for the SB something shiny. All the card said was, "I'm sorry. Thank you. Good luck!"
So far so good. The SB cane out of her office about a month in, screaming for the new admin (who by the way has been with the company 24 years), and wanting to know why she changed something. They finally connect and SB is waving her arms huffing and puffing yelling "why did you change this, you didn't ask!?" Senior Admin leans back in her chair, give the SB a look that could freeze hell, and replied, "cos it was incorrect". That was it.
The SB knew not to fight with her. FYI, always be afraid of the quiet one. Always!
My positions however, has changed slightly. I'm down to one SM, and have been given many more side projects. I feel like it is a demotion, but I am told this is temporary and they have more things in the works for me.
Still feels like b.s.
To date, in the last 8 weeks, I have written 31 SOP manuals. Now that those are completed, I am fine tuning my ability of "looking busy" to an art. I have started applying to new jobs. Not that I am unhappy, but I hate not having a consistent work load. on average, I receive roughly 10 emails a week. I'm use to receiving over 60-100 emails daily.
First week of November 2025, I will be getting back another SM. This will increase my load. But still b.s. that the newbies have a heavier workload than I do.
I often think if they're just gonna eliminate me. So I look..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My health. My health isn't out of wack too much. Menopausal stuff. End of November I'll be having a uterine polyp 16mm x 12mm from my uterus. This is just slightly over the allowance of no worries. So removal it is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sinuses.
Two CT scan's by two different ENT's.
1) says no sinus disease, nothing I can do for you
2) the one who actually put a camera in my nose, has other plans. He wants to fix my deviated septum. But if we're going in, we're going in once. I speak to him about my ct scan on Halloween. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think we're caught up. I've started taking hip-hop classes. Just a different way to move my body. Super fun but the smell of synthetic costumes and makeup makes the place smell like dirty strippers. Did I mention there is a pole class right before us. They leave, we enter. No wiping of the floor or poles. Gross. We don't use the poles, but come on! someone just had their sweating hooha on it for an hour and you can't take the 10 mins to sanitize? Ew. Will fine another company/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We've (my shrink and I have postponed the beginning of my EMDR therapy. Mostly due to the fact I've been hemorrhaging money. We'll chat in the meantime and start in the Spring.
Been coming to grips with some topics I thought were made up. Turns out I do have some PSTD from a S/A incident and a couple other things. I've spoken to some friends who remember the timeline, and have confirmed I did confide in them at the time. Seems I have completely blocked it out. A babysitter, a coworker, and a random highschool person are responsible for 3 incidences.
I remember so specifically going to my babysitters 40th bday some years ago. (she is only a few years older). When we found her to give her her card, she made amends for things she had done to me, while in her care. I just laughed and shrugged it off. My friend gave me a look of WTF!? My friend asked me about it later, and I said I don't remember there ever being anything inappropriate. Sure, she let me try her cigarette, but I always remember the babysitter as fun. I mean, she lived 2- houses down from us, was always around.
Some years later, I had a nightmare. Some flashes of S/A that took place in the babysitters' care. I again, shrugged it off as a nightmare. A few weeks later, babysitter had messaged me on FB just to catch up. I asked her if I could run this nightmare by her etc. She became quiet, then said, "I'd hope you'd never remember that. You were so young." (under the age of 8), and I was so lost. In short, she confirmed my nightmare was indeed fact. Gawd.
I must say, I never felt unsafe in her care. Maybe I was too young to know this wasn't okay. This wasn't just two minors goofing around.
I was working in a pizza joint and a delivery guy would always shimmy past me toooooo close, and let his hand graze my bottom. I looked at it as flirting, the 80s were messed up. But at the same time, I was not attached to him, so it did make me feel uncomfortable. I did mention it to the kitchen staff after a few times. He was fired. I was 15 yrs old. He could have been 19, he could have been 30. I have no idea.
This one I remember more clearly than the babysitter. I was drunk. Not sloppy drunk but drunk enough. I was walking home from the skating rink, parents out for the weekend, and walked passed a park on my street. Heard my name and out came JK from the dark. Handsome, popular, and we ran in circles that overlapped. We knew of each other etc. He was polite and asked if he could walk the home. .5 km remaining. Of course I said yes! I had a crush on him.
I remember the following in flashes. Thanking him for walking me home. Asked if he'd want to hang out sometime. Flash to being put to bed, and being thankful someone was there to ensure I wasn't going to get sick. Flash to be kissed. Flash to a body on top of me. Flash to hearing the downstairs kitchen door being closed (someone leaving), and realizing I was naked. I don't recall being hurt, no struggle etc. Just that something had happened I wasn't present for it. His school idea fell out onto my floor. I still have it to this day. 1) to remind me he was responsible for something 2) that I wouldn't ever allow him to befriend me.
It's now been decades. I have looked him up to see what life has become of him. He is in a patched motorcycle gang and working up the latter. Life does not look like it has been good to him. I'd like to think of it as karma, and then fantasize about contacting the contacts I have in this gang and letting them know. FYI, everyone in Canada knows someone in, or connected to this gang. What would I say? ABC happened 35+ years ago?They'd probably give him a new patch. Anyway, I know there are people out there from that night, who were in the park with him. (this park is more like a toddler playground - super small). I'd made a mental note of those people from that night, and told myself to stay clear of them and all acquainted with them. I have, and have never crossed paths with any of them.
This bring me to a very clear realization recently. I am have always been and consider myself, strong, outspoken, defiant, walls up, don't need a man etc., challenging authority, loud, defensive, aggressive and protective. I always thought these qualities came from being raised by many strong women in my family, and a father who insisted I never pull the helpless female card.
But how many of those qualities came from self protection? This is just some of the things we'll discuss in EDMR therapy.
Do I need to change? No. Should I change? I could stand to allow myself to be softer, let men in. I am still to this day defensive, loud, and aggressive when required. I've learned to pick my external battles carefully. Now, to learn how to deal with the internal battles I wasn't even aware I was having.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll leave you here with that verbal vomit. More updates to come.
