diary of a phd student

the paper has finally come together, and i am just putting final touches on it now. i do need to send it to a few other people and have them proofread it. i can do that tomorrow morning before i head to the airport. i am flying to cairo tomorrow for a much needed getaway from the uk. i plan on seeing all that egypt has to offer. let's hope i have enough space on my digital camera memory stick!!!!!. egypt.........................it's gonna be awesome!!!

productivity was more like it today. i was able to accomplish the mounds of work very efficiently today. i probably would have been able to do it faster if my computer wasn't so slow. i even made it into town to run some errands over an extended lunch. another day like today and i will be in perfect shape before i leave for egypt on friday. YES!!!!!..............................EGYPT. i will not be able to enjoy myself while i am away if i don't get this last draft ready by end of day tomorrow because the deadline will be upon as soon as i return.

the last few days have been nothing short of trying. between unexpected hiccups at work to being mentally preoccupied, i finally am back on track and focused on the task at hand. i am finishing my final (*fingers crossed and knocking on wood*) experiments for this paper this afternoon, and I hope to be finished with the paper by week's end. i still have a couple weeks before the deadline though, so i am in good shape. i do need to have a productive and efficient day tomorrow to ensure the the progress i foresee. maximum utilization will be the primary objective tomorrow as i hustle to get a final draft of the paper soon.

*warning, more random thoughts*

if you can't tell from the last 3 days, work has anything but stimulated me. i have made progress though. here are just some of the ideas flowing through my head on my way to work this morning. enjoy.......

why has it become acceptable not to be able to trust anyone? does anybody else see a problem with this or is it just me? it really is sad that you can't even listen to other people anymore without sifting through all of the "Bad Stuff" for the microscopic bits of truth. why has it become necessary to lie in order to make yourself look better in other peoples' eyes? who cares what other people may think? and if it is that important, why hasn't that concern motivated you to better yourself so you are pleased with you situation and don't have to embellish it anymore? i digress though. the selfish nature of people has so corrupted any and all interactions that you have to be on your toes...........................ALWAYS!!! john nash, played by russell crowe, in a beautiful mind won the nobel peace prize for his work on game theory. in the movie, the moment of truth came to nash when he realized that the best outcome for the group came when each player does what's best for him AND what maximizes the benefit for the entire group. people, we are forgetting the second half to this remarkable piece of research. it works. why do you think he won the nobel peace prize? we no longer (if people ever did) look for the intersection of personal gain and global benefit. we are too content with merely maximizing our own gain. i'm done..........................at least for now.

what follows is just a bit of randomness for today. anyway, i thought about this a while ago but am just now committing it to my blog. as much as it rains (excuse me.....drizzles.....there is no distinction made between raining and drizzling, so if someone tells you it's raining, it very likely means misting or drizzling and you can proceed on your way out the door) here in the UK, i have never heard any thunder or seen any lightning. there are also very few torrential downpours.....i can count 1 in a year and a half. i am still amazed at how the ground always seems to be wet and soggy. the last week was dry and the ground somehow stayed moist. i am more than ready for the sun to come out and spring to be here.

today was a more upbeat day than yesterday, but i still feel that i wasted a large portion of the day. my paper is making its way through the revision process, and i my ideas about my next steps are maturing. i guess it's the whole "what do you have to show for your day" that is making me feel unproductive even though i am making good progress. i made the mistake of thinking about how much more work i have to do before i finish my phd and got slightly depressed. keeping things--time, work accomplished, work to complete--in perspective is such a crucial part of this whole phd process. i am beginning to wonder if anybody ever masters this skill. here i am, almost 2 years in, and i still struggle with wanting to rush or feeling discontent with where i am along the way. all one can do is to hope for the best. but in the meantime............just deal with it and keep it pushing.

if i moved any slower today, i would have been standing still. yeah............................it was that bad today. i'm not quite sure why. i got plenty of rest over the weekend and last night. maybe it was just the monday blues. i need to pick things up tomorrow and be more productive. i still have a good bit of work to do before my paper is finished. the revision process is well underway though.

the last couple of days have been fairly hectic getting the initial draft and revisions of this paper done. the process has exhausted me today, but i have made good progress. i need to relax this weekend and clear my mind. i am hoping to return monday feeling refreshed and ready to knock the rest of this paper out. it would be nice to be struck with some great ideas too, but i won't push it. feeling refreshed will be just enough for me. picking up the work intensity with this paper has really been beneficial. i am sure this is why i feel so drained and tired. i am trying not to let myself get too excited about this first, possible, submission. this will be a huge milestone for me though...............one that i will always remember. it's funny because i set a tentative deadline around march-april to have a submission. the deadline was set this summer, and it's ironic that it is actually unfolding as i had planned, potentially. i am gonna keep my fingers crossed and keep pressing forward with the revisions and remaining work. if all goes well, this should be a really good paper to start my publications.

morale is still extremely high as i finalized an outline for the paper i am working on. the writing process should not be too bad, as my notes have been fairly good along the way. i no longer have to do the experiments that i though i would have to do for the paper, but i may have to run some more tests (easier work *big smile*) to really pull out the bits i am trying to emphasize in the paper. either way...............i am really excited.

after a few weeks of dragging along, i finally have something to be excited about--my first opportunity for a publication. there is a workshop deadline in a month that i believe i can have an abstract for. there is definitely a lot of work to get done before the deadline though. but, this was the motivation i needed to get back focused.

my trip to barcelona was AWESOME!!!! it was a much needed vacation and a wonderful birthday present. it could not last forever unfortunately. it was back to work this morning. i jumped back into the swing of things fairly well and made some good strides. i feel a bit refreshed from the trip. i guess it was needed after all and not just a useless excuse to get away. cambridge can be quite draining in all of its mundane-ness (if that's not a word, then i'll just make it up). i have to make an effort to get away more often. especially before it gets that bad again.

i am moving forward again, but things are still a bit slow. i had to run out prematurely yesterday, so i was not able to post an update. at any rate, i am back today. the feeling now is that it is march, and the clock is ticking until i leave in late june for the summer. there is a lot of work for me to get accomplished before i can feel comfortable going into my internship. the work is up to me though. there do not seem to be distractions at the moment, just the delays associated with understanding the best possible path to take next. i have made some initial progress, and the data collected is helpful. the analysis is beating me down at the moment, but i need to come in next week motivated and refreshed to come in and develop my own ideas and be more independent. oh yea, if you were wondering.........i said "come in next week" because i am going to spain for the weekend for my birthday. *big smile* be back monday

p.s. - here is some reading to keep you busy while i am gone:
1. how the mp3 format was born
2. 9 laws of physics that don't apply in hollywood

the last few days have been a waste. i am unsure as to what direction to go or how to proceed. i need to turn things around quick while i am still motivated.

i hope to have better luck tomorrow. it feels like i have a standby ticket for the progress train. some days i get a seat. other days i don't. when will i get a permanent seat? let's not even think about first class yet.