I love this doctor
Q.I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is thistrue?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...
Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: I s getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a
Ride'
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you
Labels: joke
posted by T at 10:57 PM | 0 comments read on
The love story of Ralph and Edna.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the dee p end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and s tay ed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe bel t right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
Labels: joke
posted by T at 10:33 PM | 0 comments read on
Jokes
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
Labels: joke
posted by T at 3:45 PM | 0 comments read on
Jokes
Twelve Year Old Scotch
A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch.
The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.
The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch."
The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch.
The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on, a good, 12-year-old scotch."
The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch.
An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?"
The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling "Why, this tastes like piss,"
The old drunk replies, "That's right, now tell me how old I am."
The Gender of Computer
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
- "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lápiz."
A student asked what gender is 'computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
More jokes:
1. Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
~~~~~~
2. Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
~~~~~~
3. God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light. He saw me without problems, he created
YOU. (GUYZZZZZ)
~~~~~~
4. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
School for Lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun
Made a note, And posted on the apple tray "Take only one. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile
Of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is
watching the apples."
~~~~~~
5. One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand
Your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
~~~~~~
6. What are the three fastest ways of communication? Three fastest means
Of communication in the world. Tele-phone Tele-vision Tell-a-woman. You
Still want faster? Tell her not to tell anyone (LADIES,WATCH OUT)
~~~~~~
7. A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling
People u're dying of AIDS?" Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare
Touch ur mom!"
Labels: joke
posted by T at 8:48 PM | 0 comments read on
Priceless Truth
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
'Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!'
Totally ta ken aback with such a cordial note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
He asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says,
"Well dad, you came home around 3AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes and shoes off, you said,
'LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!'"
Moral:
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Bro ken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - 'PRICELESS'
There are truly some things that both money and MasterCard can't buy.
Labels: joke
posted by T at 12:34 AM | 0 comments read on
Time Waster
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, "Who's on First?" may have sounded something like this:Costello calls a computer store to ask about a computer. Abbot answers the phone.
Abbott: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
Costello: Yes. I'm setting up an office at home and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, my name's Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name's Lou.
Abbott: OK then, what about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in there?
Abbott: No. But do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper at first.
Costello: Never mind the windows! I need a computer and some software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No! On the computer! I need something I can use to run my business, write proposals and track expenses. What do you have?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. I told you that. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommended something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: OK. What did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows.
Costello: My office already has windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to write a proposal. What would I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: You need the Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
Costello: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't give me some straight answers. What about bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can use to track my money?
Abbott: Sure, Money.
Costello: That's right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: Yes, and It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello: What comes bundled with my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much do I get?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: We got a license from Microsoft to copy Money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? They own it!
(A few days later)
Abbott: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
Costello: How do I turn my computer off?
Abbott: Click "START"
Labels: joke
posted by T at 12:33 AM | 0 comments read on
Cern : Live Cams
https://www.cyriak.co.uk/lhc/lhc-webcams.htmlLabels: cern
posted by T at 12:32 AM | 0 comments read on
Can kids teach themselves?
In 1999, Sugata Mitra and his colleagues dug a hole in a wall bordering an urban slum in New Delhi, installed an Internet-connected PC, and left it there (with a hidden camera filming the area). What they saw was kids from the slum playing around with the computer and in the process learning how to use it and how to go online, and then teaching each other.
Labels: LIFT, Sugata Mitra, TED
posted by T at 4:43 PM | 0 comments read on
Left vs Right?
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?This is hysterical.
You have to try this.
It is absolutely true.
I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds.
I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.
It's preprogrammed in your brain!
1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......)and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift yourright foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!!
And there's nothing you can do about it!
You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
posted by T at 4:42 PM | 0 comments read on
The future with all the budget airlines cropping up!
Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir. May I see your ticket?Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You're in seat 12B.. That will be $5, please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.
Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.
Attendant:Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger:Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant:No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger:This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.
Passenger:No way!
Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.
Attendant:Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger:Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant:Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?
Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.
Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger: For crying' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?
Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory
Labels: joke
posted by T at 10:03 PM | 0 comments read on
If God went hi-tech
'Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others, dial 0.'
So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialled 2. Here is what you hear:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
Press 4 for All other inquiries.
If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni.'
Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this:
'We are sorry, all our Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon.'
Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:
'If you know your God's extension, dial it now.'
Or, you might hear this:
'If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Press 3.
To confess your sins, press 4.
To ask for favours, Press 5.'
Or, you might even hear this:
'You have reached Lord Krishna's extension. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankara at GB +44 779000020000 Call. If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now.'
Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end of your life cycle:
'If you think you have reservations at our Heavenly Resort, please provide your name, social security number and be ready to provide the proof of your eligibility. If you do not have the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for General Manager Ravana, who will be happy to help you.'
Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this:
'If you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, enter his or her 'mantra' number, then press the 0 key. If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL.'
For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:
'Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.'
Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day:
'This Main Office of Heaven is closed for DIWALI holidays. If this is an emergency, you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialling 6000-31,000.'
So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers - because if he does, we are in BIG trouble!
Labels: joke
posted by T at 10:02 PM | 0 comments read on
Are you matched? Read on :-)
Learn about "HER" Horoscope Characteristics here!Aries
March 22 - April 20 If birthday falls
before Apr 1 read
also Pisces -
If after Apr 10 read
also Taurus.
How to influence her: You can influence her by being well read, knowledgeable and cultured. Don't try to force your opinions or wishes upon her, she rails at being bossed around because she wants to be boss. Instead appeal to her with logic and reason and sympathy to get your point across. She may appear to be aggressive when you meet and she'll let you know where you stand with her. She likes to smother her man with motherly attention, let her. She is sympathetic to others needs so she'll listen to yours. She likes being around people, so introduce her to your friends. She likes to be a social butterfly but she will remain loyal to you. She likes to get out ahead and lead, so give her space and let her burn off some of her energy. She makes decisions with out thinking of the consequences or repercussions; you may have to bail her out.
A few don'ts: Never criticize her in front of others or suggest that she is wrong; she'll become very unpleasant and combative. Never try to boss her or give orders, she has a fanatical obsession that she is doing the right thing. Appeal to her with reason and suggestions that appear to be constructive ideas or options. Don't get overly friendly with her female friends, she gets jealous easily. Be certain that you dress well; don't be inattentive about your appearance.
She goes best with: Leo, Sagittarius, Taurus, Aquarius
She clashes with: Gemini, Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces
Neutral: Aries, Virgo, Libra, Capricorn
Taurus
April 21 - May 20 If birthday falls
before May 1 read
also Aries -
If after May 10 read
also Gemini
How to influence her: Flattery will get you everywhere with this affectionate sentimentalist. Even if she feels that you are putting one on her, she can't resist the compliment. Give her gifts that have a sentimental meaning behind them. They don't have to be expensive (although that doesn't hurt) The gifts should have a sentimental meaning so you may have to fabricate one. (Our 1st month together, etc.) . She will appreciate showing affection for her by the old fashioned style of chivalrous attention. Give her a card with a poem that you wrote, (or you found in a book). She's a romantic and appreciates things you do that are be steeped in traditions of the past. You could serenade her beneath her window but you'll need a good voice. Be certain that you can carry on a conversation because she can engage in a wide variety of subjects. Be a bit reserved, but not aloof, she likes mystery. Sound intelligent when you speak. Be sure to take her out to dine at a variety of places. She may take pride in her cooking skills, so be certain to freely compliment her, and she'll stuff you until you bust.
A few don'ts: Don't be a cheapskate with her, because she is generous in nature. She likes harmony and tranquility, so don't engage in arguing and harsh discussions. If you see she has an opinion about something, don't try to change it. Don't try to force her into anything she is unwilling to get involved with.
She goes best with: Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer, Pisces
She clashes with: Scorpio, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Neutral: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Libra
Gemini
May 21 - June 20 If birthday falls
before June 1 read
also Taurus -
If after June 10 read
also Cancer
How to influence her: Approach her through knowledge and mind activity. She knows about lots of things but not in depth. She is impressed by a person that has an intellect that she can appreciate. Be sure to sound intelligent even if you don't know what you are talking about. Be patient because she has to bounce back and forth before she makes up her mind about you. Don't get physical until you have secured her intellect first. She likes to keep busy doing things so she won't become bored, so find her a few things she can do for you. Be certain to you show your appreciation for her help. Do compliment her on her mental knowledge and ability, she'll just love it. She likes to flit around but needs someone that is stable that she can anchor to, be the rock of Gibraltar.
She is creative, so find things for her demonstrate it. Don't forget to compliment her. She can get depressed easily, so be her cheerleader to get her up again.
A few don'ts: She is rather independent, so don't try to control her activities or restrict them, she'll become quarrelsome and anxiety ridden. Don't carry on about depressing and negative things because she can easily fall into depression herself. Allow her to know that you really care for her by word and action. She needs that assurance.
She goes best with: Libra, Aquarius, Gemini, Pisces
She clashes with: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Capricorn
Neutral: Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio
Cancer
June 21 - July 22 If birthday falls
before July 1 read
also Gemini -
If after July 10 read
also Leo
How to influence her: She needs the security of a strong and dominant man but not an oppressor. She has difficulty in making decisions, so help her with them. She likes social activities, but is more attracted to family, home and children. Take an interest in these things with her. She is moody and can go from laughing to crying in a micro second. Be patient and understanding. She is sympathetic to others emotions and can easily take up their crosses. Coax her from this situation gently. She will tend to put you on a pedestal so be watchful that you maintain your stature or she'll be hurt. She needs you to be there when she needs your strength, so be strong and unfailing.
A few don'ts: Don't discuss personal affairs in public. She is careful with money, so don't be a spendthrift. Don't criticize her publicly, she can fall to pieces.
She goes best with: Scorpio, Pisces, Taurus, Virgo
She clashes with: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini
Neutral: Cancer, Libra, Capricorn, Aquarius
Leo
July 23 - August 22 If birthday falls
before Aug 1 read
also Cancer -
If after Aug 10 read
also Virgo
How to influence her: She likes to be the center of attention, so give her lots of it. You can be the king as long as you let her be the queen. She likes her social popularity, so take her out amongst hers and your friends. She likes gifts and surprises that make her the center piece, be creative in this regard. She is a homebody at heart and will always have someone over, help her to plan those activities. She is open and not shy to any conversation, so engage her in the most intimate of topics. She wants to be friend and lover at the same time so learn when its best to be her friend or her lover. Be open, frank, and truthful with her, she doesn't like evasiveness.
A few don'ts: Don't criticize her friends, the way she dresses or anything that she may view as demeaning, don't bump her off the pedestal. Don't put down her family or her home, they are part of her queen dom. She has her own views so don't force yours upon her. Don't try to dominate her or her place at the center of attention.
She goes best with: Aries, Sagittarius, Leo, Aquarius
She clashes with: Gemini, Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio
Neutral: Taurus, Virgo, Libra, Capricorn
Virgo
August 23 - Sept 22 If birthday falls
before Sept 1 read
also Leo -
If after Sept 10 read
also Libra
How to influence her: She appears cool and reserved on the surface but she has passion within for the one she chooses. She sets high standards of performance and may criticize you for failing to live up to them. She appreciates those with mental ability and intellect. She wants to see that you have ambitions for financial success, but the money is less important than the intention. She is practical and down to earth and gifts should be practical things that can be useful.
A few don'ts: She likes to be involved, so consult her when making decisions. Don't get into emotional outbursts, she appreciates self control. She likes to keep certain things secret, so don't force the issue when she refuses to divulge them. She likes kindness and consideration more than material things to show you care.
She goes best with: Taurus, Cancer, Capricorn, Pisces, Virgo
She clashes with: Scorpio, Aquarius, Leo, Aries
Neutral: Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius
Libra
Sept 23 - October 22 If birthday falls
before Oct 1 read
also Virgo -
If after Oct 10 read
also Scorpio
How to influence her: She needs time to get acquainted to someone and shrinks when someone is too aggressive in an approach. Allow her to get used to you. She is a romantic and likes a hero swashbuckling type. Read up on heroes. She may be romantic but has a tendency to be sarcastic or cynical about things in general. Be tolerant. She likes someone that has a pattern to his life and shows self discipline. She may not see your biggest blunder, but freak out over some small trivial thing that you do. She may get angry but will shortly forget about it.
A few don'ts: She likes you to exhibit calm and peace of mind, don't blow your cool. Don't expect her to go camping with you unless you have a very large camper. Talk about art, theater and right brained things as though you really liked them. Don't cramp her style with frugality and economy.
She goes best with: Gemini, Aquarius, Leo, Aries, Virgo
She clashes with: Taurus, Capricorn, Scorpio, Sagittarius
Neutral: Cancer, Libra, Pisces
Scorpio
Oct 23 - Nov 22 If birthday falls
before Nov 1 read
also Libra -
If after Nov 10 read
also Sagittarius
How to influence her: This sensual woman has a deep sexuality that she keeps secret from the common man. Because she is strong, aggressive and forward, she needs a man that demonstrates his capability, strength and resourcefulness in a commanding way. Never allow her to perceive you as a wimp or weak. She needs to know she is the center piece of your thoughts, don't take her for granted. She likes money, but has the foresight to be patient if you have the potential to achieve it. Be sure that you have a future to talk about. When aroused to anger, she can become acidic and raucous, so thicken your skin and turn a deaf ear. She'll probably forget what she said or how angry she was within a half hour. Watch your behavior and be discreet, because she is concerned what others will think or say about her.
A few don'ts: Don't show that you are the least bit defeated by anything. Always appear undaunted by even the most trying circumstances. Don't be peevish or vacillating, be happy and positive instead. Don't be caustic, cynical or abrasive like she can become, but demonstrate cool calmness and self control.
She goes best with: Cancer, Pisces, Gemini, Sagittarius, Capricorn
She clashes with: Aries, Taurus, Leo, Virgo, Libra
Neutral: Scorpio, Aquarius
Sagittarius
Nov 23 - Dec 21 If birthday falls
before Dec 1 read
also Scorpio -
If after Dec 10 read
also Capricorn
How to influence her: She likes Mr. Nice Guy, considerate, courteous, and charming. Polish up your technique. She's quite frank and outspoken and occasionally forgets to think before speaking, so prepare yourself for a few shockers. She's independent and capable but she still needs a strong man to anchor onto. Show her your strong dependable nature, not weakness. She'll test you to see if you are weak, so don't let her intimidate you, tell her to shut up and ignore the ruse. She will sometimes obsess over little things and make herself depressed, cheer her up and advise her about the problem. She'll be happy as long as you don't flirt with other women.
A few don'ts: Don't try bossing her around, ask or suggest diplomatically. Don't get affectionate or too showy in public with her. Wait until you are in private to turn up the steam. Don't expect her to give up civilization and live out in the boon docks with nothing to do, she needs activity especially for her mind.
She goes best with: Aries, Leo, Scorpio, Virgo, Sagittarius
She clashes with: Gemini, Cancer, Libra, Taurus
Neutral: Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19 If birthday falls
before Jan 1 read
also Sagittarius -
If after Jan 10 read
also Aquarius
How to influence her: She's concerned with security and position, so if you have promise, she'll hitch a ride with you and become your manager and cheerleader. Show her a future. She is a traditionalist with a family orientation; you need to show that interest also. She is earthy and has a sex drive that may surprise you. She has to get to know you before she can love you, so be patient and wait for her to come around. She may be more interested in staying at home with you then being out socially. However, if it is regarding career or finances, she'll be happy to be the social bug.
A few don'ts: Don't poke fun at or demean her family. Don't expect her to give up her friends. Don't force her into a social agenda unless it involves career or business. Avoid being critical about her personality or likes and dislikes. Don't expect her to make snap judgments, she needs time to think. Don't expect her to jump into a new and contemporary lifestyle, she is married to convention.
She goes best with: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces
She clashes with: Gemini, Leo, Libra, Aquarius, Aries
Neutral: Cancer, Sagittarius, Capricorn
Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 21 If birthday falls
before Feb 1 read
also Capricorn -
If after Jan 10 read
also Pisces
How to influence her: Her mind is full of the workings of the universe, that is why she comes up with all that weird stuff. Read up on weird stuff. She has friends from every strata of society and likes them all the same and equally. She'll like you if you like them, so be Mr. congeniality when you meet them. She likes people that are intellectual, knowledgeable and interesting, check your resume to see if you qualify. She will be loyal to you if you show that you respect it, so throw away the little phone book. She needs freedom and cannot tolerate a discordant or restrictive environment. Be certain to give her slack otherwise she may say bye bye. She expects you to be sincere, truthful and open. Act like honest Abe Lincoln.
A few don'ts: Don't act phony or be arrogant, she can't stand it. Don't criticize the way she dresses or interacts with different people or you'll drop down a few rungs on the respect scale. Don't ridicule or laugh at any of her secret thoughts or you'll never hear of them again. Don't try to force any of your old fashioned ideas or behaviors on her, she lives in the future, and may rebel.
She goes best with: Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius
She clashes with: Aries, Capricorn, Taurus, Cancer, Virgo
Neutral: Leo, Libra, Pisces
Pisces
Feb 22 - Mar 20 If birthday falls
before Mar 1 read
also Aquarius -
If after Mar 10 read
also Aries
How to influence her: You may find yourself attracted to this woman because there is something mysterious and intriguing about her that you just can't figure out. Join the crowd. She'll purr like a little kitten, if you can show that you are a caring dominant male and have resources to provide her with creature comforts. She is subjective and pliable, but be careful she breaks easily. She may love you but may be too reticent to let you know. Be more open regarding your feelings toward her. She gets in the negative about things, so compliment or re-assure her from time to time about things. She likes old fashioned things and values, but she is modern and believes in equal rights. Respect the traditional in her.
A few don'ts: Don't stifle her, she needs to talk and express her opinion, she'll do it anyways. Don't carry on about negative things, she'll fall into a depressive pit. Keep the conversation upbeat. She will look to you for direction and leadership, so don't be one who waffles or is unable to make a decision.
She goes best with: Cancer, Scorpio, Taurus, Gemini, Virgo, Capricorn
She clashes with: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Libra
Neutral: Aquarius, Pisces
Learn about "HIS" Horoscope Characteristics here!
Aries
March 22 - April 20 If birthday falls
before Apr 1 read
also Pisces -
If after Apr 10 read
also Taurus.
How to influence him: He is warm sharing and caring, butters him up and he'll give you the shirt off his back. He is sympathetic and loyal, he'll listen and try to help, find something for him to help you with. He is sometimes judgmental, jumps to conclusions and does things with out thinking of the consequences, you may have to help him get his tootsies out of the fire with your diplomacy (he'll appreciate it). He is the jealous type, so guard against being overfriendly to the opposite sex. He likes to be in control and arrange things, let him do it. He wants someone he can mould to his liking, so bend like a reed.
A few don'ts: Never criticize him in front of others, or he'll become a raging Tasmanian Devil. Don't give him suggestions about the way to do things unless he asks you. Don't act possessive or controlling, remember, he is the controller (use the butter technique to get what you want). Don't play games or be the least bit pompous, he prefers that you be your natural self. Let him have his way and he'll give you anything your little old heart desires.
He goes best with: Leo, Sagittarius, Taurus, Aquarius
He clashes with: Gemini, Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces
Neutral: Aries, Virgo, Libra, Capricorn,
Taurus
April 21 - May 20 If birthday falls
before May 1 read
also Aries -
If after May 10 read
also Gemini
How to influence him: He is a material person with a sensuous nature. You can definitely get his attention by wearing stylish clothes and alluring perfume. He likes to give flowers and gifts, so act graciously and be thankful when you get them, and you'll get more. He likes femininity and grace in a woman, so he can demonstrate his caring and thoughtfulness about your well-being. Drop any loud, contentious, or controlling behavior you may have and practice being "her lady ness". He may be up to date on the latest in finance and business, but he is a romantic and wants to treat you with respect the old fashioned way. Give him the reason to do it. Although, he wants you to be feminine, he doesn't want you to be a crushed flower needing constant attention all the time, avoid being an emotional heavy weight.
A few don'ts: He may be generous to a fault with you, don't bleed him dry or he may think that you are a gold digger. Don't bring up details about former relationships, keep him from getting jealous or the gifts may stop. Don't try to steal the spotlight away from him when out in public or socializing. When he sets his mind on something, he won't change it, don't bother trying to force the issue, it'll lead to an argument. Remember he enjoys his role of being your guardian and protector. Let him do it.
He goes best with: Leo, Sagittarius, Taurus, Aquarius
He clashes with: Gemini, Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces
Neutral: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Libra
Gemini
May 21 - June 20 If birthday falls
before June 1 read
also Taurus -
If after June 10 read
also Cancer
How to influence him: He is a mental person and likes to talk a lot, so act interested, don't show you’re bored and learn to listen. He likes talking with people and may forget about you at a social function, learn to entertain your self. He is famous for making you appear at an "important" meeting, then showing up late. When you figure out his average "late" time, arrive at that time. His time is always occupied with things he has to do. Take advantage of this and get him to do things for you. He is always coming up with something new to do or to talk about, life certainly won't be boring. If you get mad at him, it won't be for long, he'll con you into forgiving him.
A few don'ts: Don't try to nail his shoes to the floor to keep him still, it won't work, he fears boredom worse than death. Don't try to out talk him, you can't, and he resents it. He may take a position or view one day and the next day take a completely different stand, don't bother to argue for or against any positions he takes, wait until his view changes to the one you hold, then you'll both be in agreement. Don't get overly affectionate in public, it makes him uneasy, wait until you are alone.
He goes best with: Libra, Aquarius, Gemini, Pisces
He clashes with: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Capricorn
Neutral: Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio
Cancer
June 21 - July 22 If birthday falls
before July 1 read
also Gemini -
If after July 10 read
also Leo
How to influence Him: He likes someone that is a mental mate, who can carry conversations with him. He is subject to mood swings, so help him when he gets down, and ride with him when he is high. He is very intuitive and can sense your true feelings, be genuine and real, not pretentious. He can pick up on whatever mood you're in and feel the same way within minutes, if you are happy, he'll be happy, if sad, he'll be the same. He likes social things, but not in excess, get his approval first before you commit.
A few don'ts: Don't get careless about your personal appearance, he appreciates beauty.
There are certain things or beliefs that he holds dearer than others, don't tread on them. Don't bring to him other's emotional baggage, he'll pick up on these emotions and it may upset his mood. Don't try to dominate him, use diplomatic persuasion.
He goes best with: Scorpio, Pisces, Taurus, Virgo
He clashes with: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini
Neutral: Cancer, Libra, Capricorn, Aquarius
Leo
July 23 - August 22 If birthday falls
before Aug 1 read
also Cancer -
If after Aug 10 read
also Virgo
How to influence Him: He likes to be the center of attention and has lots of friends and fans around him. Learn to be a groupie, but don't shine his shoes. He feels that he can conquer just about anything, so leave some question as to your true feelings, the mystery and intrigue will drive him up a wall. There will always be women around him, so get used to it. He is usually quite open and honest about things, so you should be able to read him like a book. He likes fun and good times, so be ready to party. Let him know that he is the king and he'll let you be the queen.
A few don'ts: He may do a lot of bragging about himself some of lots of which is exaggerated , don't laugh openly or in his face, that is a no-no to his royal highness. Don't show a jealous bone. He will tell you frankly when a habit of yours bothers him don't argue or contest it, change it. Don't challenge his dominance or perceived position, or you'll have a proverbial, wounded lion on your hands.
He goes best with: Aries, Sagittarius, Leo, Aquarius
He clashes with: Gemini, Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio
Neutral: Taurus, Virgo, Libra, Capricorn
Virgo
August 23 - Sept 22 If birthday falls
before Sept 1 read
also Leo -
If after Sept 10 read
also Libra
How to influence him: He is a problem solver and gets things taken care of once he's had time to think it out. Give him the details and the time and he'll take care of it. He may appear cold and immune to your emotions or tears, but inside he's genuinely concerned and trying to analyze what your problem is so he can help you. He cares but he shows it differently than most people. He may set a standard for how he expects you to behave, find out what it is and stick to the format. He may provoke an argument to test you if he feels you don't care, let him know what your feelings are. He likes playing the role of "dad" so let him know that you are counting on him and he'll come through for you. He has a deep sense of fairness, so appeal to that when you want to win a point with him.
A few don'ts: Don't cross him or he'll pout and be out of touch until he cools down. Don't barge in or force a discussion when you see that he is thinking, give him time to break away from his thoughts.
He goes best with: Taurus, Cancer, Capricorn, Pisces, Virgo
He clashes with: Scorpio, Aquarius, Leo, Aries
Neutral: Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius
Libra
Sept 23 - October 22 If birthday falls
before Oct 1 read
also Virgo -
If after Oct 10 read
also Scorpio
How to influence him: He doesn't like to hurt anyone's feelings and may carry on a relationship with you even though he doesn't want to. Learn to read between the lines. He tends to like beauty which he judges by eye appeal, make yourself appealing to the eye, clothes, hair, clothes, etc. He likes to give advice and help others with solutions to their problems which he rationalizes in his mind. Ask him for advice to feed his vanity. He is more in love with the word love than the experience itself. Keeps the romantic fire burning with little sentimental things and tokens of love. He hates confusion and discord, so maintain an atmosphere of peace and tranquility, and that includes a tidy home. He will look upon you as his number one person, so you'll have to maintain that status or he'll become disillusioned.
A few don'ts: He has a tendency to fickleness which is a product of his continually analyzing things. So don't count on any decision he makes to be set in concrete. He likes to analyze everything, so don't let it get to you, it does come in handy at times.
He goes best with: Gemini, Aquarius, Leo, Aries, Virgo
He clashes with: Taurus, Capricorn, Scorpio, Sagittarius
Neutral: Cancer, Libra, Pisces
Scorpio
Oct 23 - Nov 22 If birthday falls
before Nov 1 read
also Libra -
If after Nov 10 read
also Sagittarius
How to influence him: He is magnetic and secretive, holding his thoughts and knowledge in a deep vault, prying won't work you'll have to settle for what he chooses to reveal to you. He has an x- ray ability to look inside you and know what's in your mind, so get used to being an open book. He is passionate about everything that he believes in, including sex, so if you are cold or uninterested, you won't last long. When he lectures on one of his pet peeves, just agree with him and try to change the subject gracefully. He has a hypnotic personality and women are naturally attracted to him, try not to show jealousy. He is a dominant male and has an ability to psychically transmit his will to others. That is how you will know what he wants. Cater to his demands on most little issues, and then stand your ground on something important, he'll give you what you want. He is sympathetic and considerate of those he cares about, show that you appreciate his attention.
A few don'ts: Don't lie or try to hide things from him, because it won't take long for his detective mind to find out. Don't make excuses when he wants attention or affection from you, he'll be able to find it somewhere else. Don't provoke him to anger with denigrating or crude remarks, because he can chop anyone to pieces with words better than a soldier with an AK-47 assault rifle.
He goes best with: Cancer, Pisces, Gemini, Sagittarius, Capricorn
He clashes with: Aries, Taurus, Leo, Virgo, Libra
Neutral: Scorpio, Aquarius
Sagittarius
Nov 23 - Dec 21 If birthday falls
before Dec 1 read
also Scorpio -
If after Dec 10 read
also Capricorn
How to influence him: He is exuberant, fun loving and social; you need to be pretty, witty and able to mix with his friends. His enthusiasm and need for challenge causes him to jump into half baked schemes and plans that haven't been well thought out; provide him with some of the basic missing details. He is a romantic, but only superficially, you'll have to teach him what it's all about. He is extravagant in most everything he does; you'll have to help him control the spending. His honest and naive nature makes him tactless when it comes to saying the right thing, he's prone to putting his foot in his mouth, re-interpret what he says to you the way he should have said it. He likes sports and the out doors so learn to like these things because he'll expect you to tag along.
A few don'ts: Don't question his honesty or integrity, he regards them highly. Don't ridicule his pie in the sky ideas and schemes, be patient and forbearing. Don't expect him to sit around like a couch potato, he's not the type. Don't think that you'll be bored, you won't have that problem.
He goes best with: Aries, Leo, Scorpio, Virgo, Sagittarius
He clashes with: Gemini, Cancer, Libra, Taurus
Neutral: Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19 If birthday falls
before Jan 1 read
also Sagittarius -
If after Jan 10 read
also Aquarius
How to influence him: He is methodical, routine and organized; show him how you schedule your own life's activities. He is conventional, practical and efficient; show him how well you manage your finances and resources. He is big on family and foundation, show him the family tree, bring along your kid brother, and belong to an organization. He is a believer in "actions speak louder than words" regarding love. You may have to coax the love word from him. He likes the pursuit, so be a bit hard to get without over doing it. Some Caps, though very capable, are lacking in self-confidence, be certain that you are a cheerleader.
A few don'ts: Don't bother to flatter, it doesn't work. Don't expect a quick run away and get married, he wants to be established in career or business before he takes the plunge. Don't act erratic and unpredictable, demonstrate self control and reserve. Don't expect to introduce a new and radical lifestyle, he's too conventional.
He goes best with: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces
He clashes with: Gemini, Leo, Libra, Aquarius, Aries
Neutral: Cancer, Sagittarius, Capricorn
Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 21 If birthday falls
before Feb 1 read
also Capricorn -
If after Jan 10 read
also Pisces
How to influence him: When you see him staring into space, his mind is probably fifty years in the future, gently remind him to return to planet earth. He has no one best friend, because everyone from every level of society is his friend. Be open-minded and gracious when you meet them. He is a highly mystical and spiritual person and needs freedom for analytical exploration. You'll be hearing theories and ideas that are radical and border on the impossible, just smile and be a good audience. Yes, you can ask questions. He keeps his private thoughts and emotions hidden so they won't interfere with his detached exterior. He may even love you but not express it. You need to be a bit forward in this regard. He shrinks from binding emotional ties, so hide the emotions and act like a friend with out demands of exclusivity. When he feels that you can exist like a parallel to him without wanting to own him, he'll feel safe to commit to you. He is an optimist of the highest order, so if you are feeling down, he won't rest until he pulls you up again. He analyzes everything, so don't volunteer information about yourself; let him get it bit by bit. Keep the mystery about you for as long as you can.
A few don'ts: Don't be a clinging, sticky emotional burden, he can't deal with it, and he wants you to hold your own ground. Don't try to get into his private thoughts; he'll share them when he wants to. He places a great value in trust which means freedom for you, don't abuse it, or you'll face scrutiny ever after. Don't mock or ridicule his futuristic ideas, or you'll show him that you are un-evolved.
He goes best with: Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius
He clashes with: Aries, Capricorn, Taurus, Cancer, Virgo
Neutral: Leo, Libra, Pisces
Pisces
Feb 22 - Mar 20 If birthday falls
before Mar 1 read
also Aquarius -
If after Mar 10 read
also Aries
How to influence Him: He is sensitive and intuitive, interested in spiritual things, and probably interested in the occult, astrology and their associates. Bring up these subjects and you'll be able to talk for hours. He is empathic and everyone can lean on him for sympathy regarding their problems. Get some if you need it, but don't over do it. He's a great dreamer of things but sometimes doesn't take any action. Light a fire under him to get him going. He's a real romantic and appreciates a candlelight dinner, then sitting cozy in front of the fireplace afterwards. Get some cuddling and romance. He admires beauty of all sorts, from a single flower, to a wilderness landscape, to antiques. Dress beautifully and have beautiful things around you for him to admire.
A few don'ts: Don't overburden him with too many of other people's problems; he needs a break from it. Don't deprive him from moments of needed solitude, he's recharging his batteries. He is a great listener, but don't monopolize the conversation, he needs to talk also. He is quite un-prejudiced and open, don't expect him to be judgmental.
He goes best with: Cancer, Scorpio, Taurus, Gemini, Virgo, Capricorn
He clashes with: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Libra
Neutral: Aquarius, Pisces
Labels: horoscope
posted by T at 11:44 PM | 0 comments read on
Marriage Passbook
Jocelyn married William this day. At the end of the wedding party, Jocelyn'smother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook. With $1000 deposit
amount.
Mother: 'Jocelyn, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage
life. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life,
put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more
memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first
one for you today. Do the others with William. When you look back after
years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'
Jocelyn shared this with William when getting home. They both thought it was
a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.
This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: $100, first birthday celebration for William after marriage
- 1 Mar: $300, salary raise for Jocelyn
- 20 Mar: $200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: $2000, Jocelyn got pregnant
- 1 Jun: $1000, William got promoted
.
.
.
.
..... and so on...
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.
They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty
people in the world.... no more love... Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Jocelyn talked to her Mother:
'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I
decided to marry this guy!!!'
Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you
really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the
saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend
it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'
Jocelyn thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue
and planning to cancel the account.
While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked,
and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and
happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She
left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to William, asked him to spend
the money before getting divorce.
The next day, William gave the passbook back to Jocelyn. She found a new
deposit of $5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice
how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happieness you've
brought me.'
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask.
I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the
good years in their life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But the teller might scold u for scribbling in the passbook.....
posted by T at 11:36 PM | 0 comments read on
money for love?
Dear Father,$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Labels: joke
posted by T at 11:31 PM | 0 comments read on
