In past years, EFF's annual Who Has Your Back report has asked which major tech companies "have your back" when the government comes knocking to request your data or censor your content. For 2019, EFF is changing our focus to cats—and not even when the government comes knocking. (Our research shows that if the government were to come knocking, cats would probably run and hide under the bed, or just not care, because they are cats.)

Instead, this year’s "Who Has Your Cat?" report features substantially redesigned categories and criteria. (Unfortunately, doggos, birbs, and other critters are outside the scope of this report.) We focus on a handful of specific, measurable criteria that reflect attainable best practices, which cats tend to ignore.

First, the good news—all cats assessed in this year’s report received 5 out of 5 stars on feline best practices. We look forward to more long-term improvements across the industry in future years, as cats take steps to be more accountable to themselves and absolutely no one else.

Press and members of the public wishing to discuss the results of our new survey, preferably while surrounded by small bowls of milk and bouncy loops of metal with fuzzy cloth attached, should check EFF's Instagram account. The account often contains damning evidence of cat rule-breaking in our offices.